Conjugial Love, by Emanuel Swedenborg,  at sacred-texts.com
XVI. THUS ALSO THEIR FORMS ARE SUCCESSIVELY PERFECTED AND ENNOBLED FROM WITHIN. The most perfect and noble human form results from the conjunction of two forms by marriage so as to become one form; thus from two fleshes becoming one flesh, according to creation. That in such case the man's mind is elevated into superior light, and the wife's into superior heat, and that then they germinate, and bear flowers and fruits, like trees in the spring, may be seen above, n. 188, 189. That from the nobleness of this form are produced noble fruits, which in the heavens are spiritual, and on earth natural, will be seen in the following article.202.
XVII. CHILDREN BORN OF PARENTS WHO ARE PRINCIPLED IN LOVE TRULY CONJUGIAL, DERIVE FROM THEM THE CONJUGIAL PRINCIPLE OF GOOD AND TRUTH, WHENCE THEY HAVE AN INCLINATION AND FACULTY, IF SONS, TO PERCEIVE THE THINGS RELATING TO WISDOM, AND IF DAUGHTERS, TO LOVE THOSE THINGS WHICH WISDOM TEACHES. That children derive from their parents inclination to such things as had been objects of the love and life of the parents, is a truth most perfectly agreeable to the testimony of history in general, and of experience in particular; but that they do not derive or inherit from their parents the affections themselves, and thence the lives of those affections, but only inclinations and faculties thereto, has been shewn me by the wise in the spiritual world; concerning whom, see the two MEMORABLE RELATIONS above adduced. That children to the latest posterity, from innate inclinations, if they are not modified, are led into affections, thoughts, speech, and life, similar to those of their parents, is clearly manifest from the Jews, who at this day are like their fathers in Egypt, in the wilderness, in the land of Canaan, and in the Lord's time; and this likeness is not confined to their minds only, but extends to their countenances; for who does not know a Jew by his look? The case is the same with the descendants of others: from which considerations it may infallibly be concluded, that children are born with inclinations to such things as their parents were inclined to. But it is of the divine providence, lest thought and act should follow inclination, that perverse inclinations may be corrected; and also that a faculty has been implanted for this purpose, by virtue whereof parents and masters have the power of amending the morals of children, and children may afterwards, when they come to years of discretion, amend their own morals.203.
We have said that children derive from their parents the conjugial principle of good and truth, because this is implanted from creation in the soul of every one; for it is that which flows into every man from the Lord, and constitutes his human life. But this conjugial principle passes into derivatives from the soul even to the ultimates of the body. In its passage through these ultimates and those derivatives, it is changed by the man himself in various ways, and sometimes into the opposite, which is called the conjugial or connubial principle of what is evil and false. When this is the case, the mind is closed from beneath, and is sometimes twisted as a spire into the contrary; but with some that principle is not closed, but remains half-open above, and with some open. The latter and the former conjugial principle is the source of those inclinations which children inherit from their parents, a son after one manner, and a daughter after another. The reason why such inclinations are derived from the conjugial principle, is, because, as was proved above, n. 65, conjugial love is the foundation of all loves.204.
The reason why children born of parents who are principled in love truly conjugial, derive inclinations and faculties, if a son, to perceive the things relating to wisdom, and if a daughter, to love the things which wisdom teaches, is, because the conjugial principle of good and truth is implanted from creation in every soul, and also in the principles derived from the soul; for it was shewn above, that this conjugial principle fills the universe from first principles to last, and from a man even to a worm; and also that the faculty to open the inferior principles of the mind even to conjunction with its superior principles, which are in the light and heat of heaven, is also implanted in every man from creation: hence it is evident, that a superior suitableness and facility to conjoin good to truth, and truth to good, and thus to grow wise, is inherited by those who are born from such a marriage; consequently they have a superior suitableness and facility also to embrace the things relating to the church and heaven; for that conjugial love is conjoined with these things, has been frequently shewn above. From these considerations, reason may clearly discover the end for which the Lord the Creator has provided, and still provides, marriages of love truly conjugial.205.
I have been informed by the angels, that those who lived in the most ancient times, live at this day in the heavens, in separate houses, families, and nations, as they had lived on earth, and that scarce any one of a house is wanting; and this because they were principled in love truly conjugial; and that hence their children inherited inclinations to the conjugial principle of good and truth, and were easily initiated into it more and more interiorly by education received from their parents, and afterwards as from themselves, when they become capable of judging for themselves, were introduced into it by the Lord.206.
XVIII. THE REASON OF THIS IS BECAUSE THE SOUL OF THE OFFSPRING IS FROM THE FATHER AND ITS CLOTHING FROM THE MOTHER. No wise man entertains a doubt that the soul is from the father; it is also manifestly conspicuous from minds, and likewise from faces which are the types of minds, in descendants from fathers of families in a regular series; for the father returns as in an image, if not in his sons, yet in his grandsons and great grandsons; and this because the soul constitutes a man's (_homo_) inmost principle, which may be covered and concealed by the offspring nearest in descent, but nevertheless it comes forth and manifests itself in the more remote issue. That the soul is from the father, and its clothing from the mother, may be illustrated by analogies in the vegetable kingdom. In this kingdom the earth or ground is the common mother, which in itself, as in a womb, receives and clothes seeds; yea, as it were conceives, bears, brings forth, and educates them, as a mother her offspring from the father.207.
To the above I will add TWO MEMORABLE RELATIONS. FIRST. After some time I was looking towards the city Athens, of which mention was made in a former memorable relation, and I heard thence an unusual clamor. There was in it something of laughter, and in the laughter something of indignation, and in the indignation something of sadness: still however the clamor was not thereby dissonant, but consonant: because one tone was not together with the other, but one was within another. In the spiritual world a variety and commixture of affections is distinctly perceived in sound. I inquired from afar what was the matter. They said, "A messenger is arrived from the place where the new comers from the Christian world first appear, bringing information of what he has heard there from three persons, that in the world whence they came they had believed with the generality, that the blessed and happy after death enjoy absolute rest from labor; and since administrations, offices, and employments, are labor, they enjoy rest from these: and as those three persons are now conducted hither by our emissary, and are at the gate waiting for admission, a clamor was made, and it was deliberately resolved they should not be introduced into the Palladium on Parnassus, as the former were, but into the great auditory, to communicate the news they brought from the Christian world: accordingly some deputies have been sent to introduce them in form." Being at that time myself in the spirit, and distances with spirits being according to the states of their affections, and having at that time a desire to see and hear them, I seemed to myself to be present there, and saw them introduced, and heard what they said. The seniors or wiser part of the audience sat at the sides of the auditory, and the rest in the midst; and before these was an elevated piece of ground. Hither the three strangers, with the messenger, were formally conducted by attendants, through the middle of the auditory. When silence was obtained, they were addressed by a kind of president of the assembly, and asked, "WHAT NEWS FROM THE EARTH?" They replied, "There is a variety of news: but pray tell us what information you want." The president answered, "WHAT NEWS IS THERE FROM THE EARTH CONCERNING OUR WORLD AND HEAVEN?" They replied, "When we first came into this world, we were informed, that here and in heaven there are administrations, offices, employments, trades, studies, relating to all sciences and professions, together with wonderful mechanical arts; and yet we believed that after our removal or translation from the natural world into the spiritual, we should enter upon an eternal rest from labor; and what are employments but labor?" To this the president replied, "By eternal rest from labor did you understand eternal inactivity, in which you should be continually sitting and laying down, with your bosoms and mouths open, attracting and inhaling delights and joys?" "We conceived something of this sort," said the three strangers smiling courteously. Then they were asked, "What connection have joys and delights and the happiness thence resulting, with a state of inactivity? By inactivity the mind is enfeebled and contracted, instead of being strengthened and expanded; or in other words, the man is reduced to a state of death, instead of being quickened into life. Suppose a person to sit still in the most complete inactivity, with his hands hanging down, his eyes fixed on the ground, and withdrawn from all other objects, and suppose him at the same time to be encompassed by an atmosphere of gladness, would not a lethargy seize both his head and body, and the vital expansion of his countenance would be contracted, and at length with relaxed fibres he would nod and totter, till he fell to the earth? What is it that keeps the whole bodily system in its due expansion and tension, but the tension of the mind? and whence comes the tension of the mind but from administrations and employments, while the discharge of them is attended with delight? I will therefore tell you some news from heaven: in that world there are administrations, offices, judicial proceedings both in greater and lesser cases, also mechanical arts and employments." The strangers on hearing of judicial proceedings in heaven, said, "To what purpose are such proceedings? are not all in heaven inspired and led by God, and in consequence thereof taught what is just and right? what need then is there of judges?" The president replied, "In this world we are instructed and learn what is good and true, also what is just and equitable, as in the natural world; and these things we learn, not immediately from God, but mediately through others; and every angel, like every man, thinks what is true, and does what is good, as from himself; and this, according to the state of the angel, is mixed and not pure: and moreover, there are among the angels some of a simple and some of a wise character; and it is the part of the wise to judge, when the simple, from their simplicity and ignorance, are doubtful about what is just, or through mistake wander from it. But as you are as yet strangers in this world, if it be agreeable to you to accompany me into our city, we will shew you all that is contained therein." Then they quitted the auditory, and some of the elders also accompanied them. They were introduced into a large library, which was divided into classes arranged according to the sciences. The three strangers, on seeing so many books, were astonished, and said, "There are books also in this world! whence do you procure parchment and paper, pens and ink?" The elders replied, "We perceive that in the former world you believed that this world is empty and void, because it is spiritual; and you believed so because you had conceived an idea of what is spiritual abstracted from what is material; and that which is so abstracted appeared to you as nothingness, thus as empty and void; when nevertheless in this world there is a fulness of all things. Here all things are SUBSTANTIAL and not material: and material things derive their origin from things substantial. We who live here are spiritual men, because we are substantial and not material; hence in this world we have all things that are in the natural world, in their perfection, even books and writings, and many other things which are not in the natural world." The three strangers, when they heard talk of things SUBSTANTIAL, conceived that it must be so, as well because they saw written books, as because they heard it asserted that material things originate in substantial. For their further confirmation in these particulars, they were conducted to the houses of the scribes, who were copying the writings of the wise ones of the city; and they inspected the writings, and wondered to see them so beautiful and elegant. After this they were conducted to the museums, schools, and colleges, and to the places where they had their literary sports. Some of these were called the sports of the Heliconides, some of the Parnassides, some of the Athæides, and some the sports of the maidens of the fountain. They were told that the latter were so called, because maidens signify affections of the sciences, and every one has intelligence according to his affection for the sciences: the sports so called were spiritual exercises and trials of skill. Afterwards they were led about the city to see the rulers, administrators, and their officers, by whom they were conducted to see several wonderful works executed in a spiritual manner by the artificers. When they had taken a view of all these things, the president again conversed with them about the eternal rest from labor, into which the blessed and happy enter after death, and said, "Eternal rest is not inactivity; for inactivity occasions a thorough languor, dulness, stupor, and drowsiness of the mind and thence of the body; and these things are death and not life, still less eternal life which the angels of heaven enjoy; therefore eternal rest is that which dispels such mischiefs, and causes a man to live; and it is this which elevates the mind; consequently it is by some employment and work that the mind is excited, vivified, and delighted; which is affected according to the use, from which, in which, and to which the mind is actuated. Hence the universal heaven is regarded by the Lord as containing uses; and every angel is an angel according to use; the delight of use carries him along, as a prosperous gale a ship, and causes him to be in eternal peace, and the rest of peace. This is the meaning of eternal rest from labor. That an angel is alive according as his mind is directed to use, is evident from the consideration, that every one has conjugial love with its energy, ability and delights, according as he devotes himself to the genuine use in which he is." When the three strangers were convinced that eternal rest is not inactivity, but the delight of some useful employment, there came some maidens with pieces of embroidery and net-work, wrought with their own hands, which they presented to them. When the novitiate spirits were gone, the maidens sang an ode, wherein they expressed with angelic melody the affection of useful works with the pleasures attending it.208.
THE SECOND MEMORABLE RELATION. While I was meditating on the arcana of conjugial love stored up with wives, there again appeared the GOLDEN SHOWER described above; and I recollected that it fell over a hall in the east where there lived three conjugial loves, that is, three married pairs, who loved each other tenderly. On seeing it, and as if invited by the sweetness of meditating on that love, I hastened towards it, and as I approached, the shower from golden became purple, afterwards scarlet, and when I came near, it was sparkling like dew. I knocked at the door, and when it was opened, I said to the attendant, "Tell the husbands that the person who before came with an angel, is come again, and begs the favor of being admitted into their company." Presently the attendant returned with a message of assent from the husbands, and I entered. The three husbands with their wives were together in an open gallery, and as I paid my respects to them, they returned the compliment. I then asked the wives, Whether the white dove in the window afterwards appeared? They said, "Yes; and to-day also; and it likewise expanded its wings; from which we concluded that you were near at hand, and were desirous of information respecting one other arcanum concerning conjugial love." I inquired, "Why do you say _one_ arcanum; when I came here to learn several?" They replied, "They are arcana, and some of them transcend your wisdom to such a degree, that the understanding of your thought cannot comprehend them. You glory over us on account of your wisdom; but we do not glory over you on account of ours; and yet ours is eminently distinguished above yours, because it enters your inclinations and affections, and sees, perceives, and is sensible of them. You know nothing at all of the inclinations and affections of your own love; and yet these are the principles from and according to which your understanding thinks, consequently from and according to which you are wise; and yet wives are so well acquainted with those principles in their husbands, that they see them in their faces, and hear them from the tone of their voices in conversation, yea, they feel them on their breasts, arms, and cheeks: but we, from the zeal of our love for your happiness, and at the same time for our own, pretend not to know them; and yet we govern them so prudently, that wherever the fancy, good pleasure, and will of our husbands lead, we follow by permitting and suffering it; only bending its direction when it is possible, but in no case forcing it." I asked, "Whence have you this wisdom?" They replied, "It is implanted in us from creation and consequently from birth. Our husbands compare it to instinct; but we say that it is of the divine providence, in order that the men may be rendered happy by their wives. We have heard from our husbands, that the Lord wills that the husband (_homo masculus_) should act freely according to reason; and that on this account the Lord himself from within governs his freedom, so far as respects the inclinations and affections, and governs it from without by means of his wife; and that thus he forms a man with his wife into an angel of heaven; and moreover love changes its essence, and does not become conjugial love, if it be compelled. But we will be more explicit on this subject: we are moved thereto, that is, to prudence in governing the inclinations and affections of our husbands, so that they may seem to themselves to act freely according to their reason, from this motive, because we are delighted with their love; and we love nothing more than that they should be delighted with our delights, which, in case of their being lightly esteemed by our husbands, become insipid also to us." Having said this, one of the wives entered her chamber, and on her return said, "My dove still flutters its wings, which is a sign that we may make further disclosures." They then said, "We have observed various changes of the inclinations and affections of the men; as that they grow cold towards their wives, while the husbands entertain vain thoughts against the Lord and the church; that they grow cold while they are conceited of their own intelligence; that they grow cold while they regard with desire the wives of others; that they grow cold while their love is adverted to by their wives; not to mention other occasions; and that there are various degrees of their coldness: this we discover from a withdrawal of the sense from their eyes, ears, and bodies, on the presence of our senses. From these few observations you may see, that we know better than the men whether it be well or ill with them; if they are cold towards their wives, it is ill with them, but if they are warm towards them, it is well; therefore wives are continually devising means whereby the men may become warm and not cold towards them; and these means they devise with a sagacity inscrutable to the men." As they said this, the dove was heard to make a sort of moaning; and immediately the wives said, "This is a token to us that we have a wish to communicate greater arcana, but that it is not allowable: probably you will reveal to the men what you have heard." I replied, "I intend to do so: what harm can come from it?" Hereupon the wives talked together on the subject, and then said, "Reveal it, if you like. We are well aware of the power of persuasion which wives possess. They will say to their husbands, 'The man is not in earnest; he tells idle tales: he is but joking from appearances, and from strange fancies usual with men. Do not believe him, but believe us: we know that you are loves, and we obediences.' Therefore you may reveal it if you like; but still the husbands will place no dependence on what comes from your lips, but on that which comes from the lips of their wives which they kiss."209.
UNIVERSALS RESPECTING MARRIAGES.
There are so many things relating to marriages that, if particularly treated of, they would swell this little work into a large volume: for we might treat particularly of the similitude and dissimilitude subsisting among married partners; of the elevation of natural conjugial love into spiritual, and of their conjunction; of the increase of the one and the decrease of the other; of the varieties and diversities of each; of the intelligence of wives; of the universal conjugial sphere proceeding from heaven, and of its opposite from hell, and of their influx and reception; with many other particulars, which, if individually enlarged upon, would render this work so bulky as to tire the reader. For this reason, and to avoid useless prolixity, we will condense these particulars into UNIVERSAL RESPECTING MARRIAGES. But these, like the foregoing subjects, must be considered distinctly as arranged under the following articles: I. _The sense proper to conjugial love is the sense of touch._ II. _With those who are in love truly conjugial, the faculty of growing wise gradually increases; but with those who are not it decreases._ III. _With those who are in love truly conjugial the happiness of dwelling together increases; but with those who are not it decreases._ IV. _With those who are in love truly conjugial, conjunction of minds increases, and therewith friendship; but with those who are not they both decrease._ V. _Those who are in love truly conjugial continually desire to be one man (homo); but those who are not desire to be two._ VI. _Those who are in love truly conjugial, in marriage have respect to what is eternal; but with those who are not the case is reversed._ VII. _Conjugial love resides with chaste wives; but still their love depends on the husbands._ VIII. _Wives love the bonds of marriage if the men do._ IX. _The intelligence of women is in itself modest, elegant, pacific, yielding, soft, tender; but the intelligence of men is in itself grave, harsh, hard, daring, fond of licentiousness_. X. _Wives are in no excitation as men are; but they have a state of preparation for reception._ XI. _Men have abundant store according to the love of propagating the truths of their wisdom, and to the love of doing uses._ XII. _Determination is in the good pleasure of the husband._ XIII. _The conjugial sphere flows from the Lord through heaven into everything in the universe, even to its ultimates._ XIV. _This sphere is received by the female sex, and through that is transferred into the male sex; and not_ vice versa. XV. _Where there is love truly conjugial, this sphere is received by the wife, and only through her by the husband._ XVI. _Where there is love not conjugial, this sphere is received indeed by the wife, but not by the husband through her._ XVII. _Love truly conjugial may exist with one of the married partners and not at the same time with the other._ XVIII. _There are various similitudes and dissimilitudes, both internal and external, with married partners._ XIX. _Various similitudes can be conjoined, but not with dissimilitudes._ XX. _The Lord provides similitudes for those who desire love truly conjugial; and if not on earth, he yet provides them in heaven._ XXI. _A man (homo) according to the deficiency and loss of conjugial love, approaches to the nature of a beast._ We proceed to the explanation of each article.210.
I. THE SENSE PROPER TO CONJUGIAL LOVE IS THE SENSE OF TOUCH. Every love has its own proper sense. The love of seeing, grounded in the love of understanding, has the sense of seeing; and the gratifications proper to it are the various kinds of symmetry and beauty. The love of hearing grounded in the love of hearkening to and obeying, has the sense of hearing; and the gratifications proper to it are the various kinds of harmony. The love of knowing these things which float about in the air, grounded in the love of perceiving, is the sense of smelling; and the gratifications proper to it are the various kinds of fragrance. The love of self-nourishment, grounded in the love of imbibing goods, is the sense of tasting; and the delights proper to it are the various kinds of delicate foods. The love of knowing objects, grounded in the love of circumspection and self-preservation, is the sense of touching, and the gratifications proper to it are the various kinds of titillation. The reason why the love of conjunction with a partner, grounded in the love of uniting good and truth, has the sense of touch proper to it, is, because this sense is common to all the senses, and hence borrows from them somewhat of support and nourishment. That this love brings all the above-mentioned senses into communion with it, and appropriates their gratification, is well known. That the sense of touch is devoted to conjugial love, and is proper to it, is evident from all its sports, and from the exaltation of its subtleties to the highest degree of what is exquisite. But the further consideration of this subject we leave to lovers.211.
II. WITH THOSE WHO ARE IN LOVE TRULY CONJUGIAL, THE FACULTY OF GROWING WISE INCREASES; BUT WITH THOSE WHO ARE NOT IT DECREASES. The faculty of growing wise increases with those who are in love truly conjugial, because this love appertains to married partners on account of wisdom, and according to it, as has been fully proved in the preceding sections; also, because the sense of that love is the touch, which is common to all the senses, and also is full of delights; in consequence of which it opens the interiors of the mind, as it opens the interiors of the senses, and therewith the organical principles of the whole body. Hence it follows, that those who are principled in that love, prefer nothing to growing wise; for a man grows wise in proportion as the interiors of his mind are opened; because by such opening, the thoughts of the understanding are elevated into superior light, and the affections of the will into superior heat; and superior light is wisdom, and superior heat is the love thereof. Spiritual delights conjoined to natural delights, which are the portion of those who are in love truly conjugial, constitute loveliness, and thence the faculty of growing wise. Hence it is that the angels have conjugial love according to wisdom; and the increase of that love and at the same time of its delights is according to the increase of wisdom; and spiritual offspring, which are produced from their marriages, are such things as are of wisdom from the father, and of love from the mother, which they love from a spiritual _storge_; which love unites with their conjugial love, and continually elevates it, and joins them together.212.
The contrary happens with those who are not in any conjugial love, from not having any love of wisdom. These enter the marriage state with no other end in view than lasciviousness, in which is also the love of growing insane; for every end considered in itself is a love, and lasciviousness in its spiritual origin is insanity. By insanity we mean a delirium in the mind occasioned by false principles; and an eminent degree of delirium is occasioned by truths which are falsified until they are believed to be wisdom. That such persons are opposed to conjugial love, is confirmed or evinced by manifest proof in the spiritual world; where, on perceiving the first scent of conjugial love, they fly into caverns, and shut the doors; and if these are opened, they rave like madmen in the world.213.
III. WITH THOSE WHO ARE IN LOVE TRULY CONJUGIAL, THE HAPPINESS OF DWELLING TOGETHER INCREASES; BUT WITH THOSE WHO ARE NOT IT DECREASES. The happiness of dwelling together increases with those who are in love truly conjugial, because they mutually love each other with every sense. The wife sees nothing more lovely than the husband, and the husband nothing more lovely than the wife; neither do they hear, smell, or touch any thing more lovely; hence the happiness they enjoy of living together in the same house, chamber, and bed. That this is the case, you that are husbands can assure yourselves from the first delights of marriage, which are in their fulness; because at that time the wife is the only one of the sex that is loved. That the reverse is the case with those who are not in conjugial love, is well known.214.
IV. WITH THOSE WHO ARE IN LOVE TRULY CONJUGIAL CONJUNCTION OF MINDS INCREASES, AND THEREWITH FRIENDSHIP; BUT WITH THOSE WHO ARE NOT, THEY BOTH DECREASE. That conjunction of minds increases with those who are in love truly conjugial, was proved in the chapter ON THE CONJUNCTION OF SOULS AND MINDS BY MARRIAGE, WHICH IS MEANT BY THE LORD'S WORDS, THAT THEY ARE NO LONGER TWO BUT ONE FLESH, see n. 156*-191. But that conjunction increases as friendship unites with love; because friendship is as it were the face and also the raiment of that love; for it not only joins itself to love as raiment, but also conjoins itself thereto as a face. Love preceding friendship is like the love of the sex, which, after the marriage vow, takes its leave and departs; whereas love conjoined to friendship after the marriage vow, remains and is strengthened; it likewise outers more interiorly into the breast, friendship introducing it, and making it truly conjugial. In this case the love makes its friendship also conjugial, which differs greatly from the friendship of every other love; for it is full. That the case is reversed with those who are not principled in conjugial love, is well known. With these, the first friendship, which was insinuated during the time of courtship, and afterwards during the period immediately succeeding marriage, recedes more and more from the interiors of the mind, and thence successively at length retires to the cuticles; and with those who think of separation it entirely departs; but with those who do not think of separation, love remains in the externals, yet it is cold in the internals.215.
V. THOSE WHO ARE IN LOVE TRULY CONJUGIAL, CONTINUALLY DESIRE TO BE ONE MAN, BUT THOSE WHO ARE NOT IN CONJUGIAL LOVE, DESIRE TO BE TWO. Conjugial love essentially consists in the desire of two to become one; that is, in their desire that two lives may become one life. This desire is the perpetual _conatus_ of that love, from which flow all its effects. That _conatus_ is the very essence of motion, and that desire is the living _conatus_ appertaining to man, is confirmed by the researches of philosophers, and is also evident to such as take a view of the subject from refined reason. Hence it follows, that those who are in love truly conjugial, continually endeavour, that is, desire to be one man. That the contrary is the case with those who are not in conjugial love, they themselves very well know; for as they continually think themselves two from the disunion of their souls and minds, so they do not comprehend what is meant by the Lord's words, "_They are no longer two, but one flesh_;" Matt. xix. 6.216.
VI. THOSE WHO ARE IN LOVE TRULY CONJUGIAL, IN MARRIAGE HAVE RESPECT TO WHAT IS ETERNAL; BUT WITH THOSE WHO ARE NOT THE CASE IS REVERSED. Those who are in love truly conjugial have respect to what is eternal, because in that love there is eternity; and its eternity is grounded in this, that love with the wife, and wisdom with the husband, increases to eternity; and in the increase or progression the married partners enter more and more interiorly into the blessedness of heaven, which their wisdom and its love have stored up together in themselves: if therefore the idea of what is eternal were to be plucked away, or by any casualty to escape from their minds, it would be as if they were cast down from heaven. What is the state of conjugial partners in heaven, when the idea of what is eternal falls out of their minds, and the idea of what is temporal takes its place, was made evident to me from the following case. On a certain time, permission having been granted for the purpose, two married partners were present with me from heaven: and at that instant the idea of what is eternal respecting marriage was taken away from them by an idle disorderly spirit who was talking with craft and subtlety. Hereupon they began to bewail themselves, saying, that they could not live any longer, and that they felt such misery as they had never felt before. When this was perceived by their co-angels in heaven, the disorderly spirit was removed and cast down; whereupon the idea of what is eternal instantly returned to them, and they were gladdened in heart, and most tenderly embraced each other. Besides this, I have heard two married partners, who at one instant entertained an idea of what is eternal respecting their marriage, and the next an idea of what is temporal. This arose from their being internally dissimilar. When they were in the idea of what is eternal, they were mutually glad; but when in the idea of what is temporal, they said, "There is no longer any marriage between us;" and the wife, "I am no longer a wife, but a concubine;" and the husband, "I am no longer a husband, but an adulterer;" wherefore while their internal dissimilitude was open to them, the man left the woman, and the woman the man: afterwards, however, as each had an idea of what is eternal respecting marriage, they were consociated with suitable partners. From these instances it may be clearly seen, that those who are in love truly conjugial have respect to what is eternal; and if this idea escapes from their inmost thoughts, they are disunited as to conjugial love, though not at the same time as to friendship; for friendship dwells in externals, but conjugial love in internals. The case is similar with marriages on earth, where married partners who tenderly love each other, think of what is eternal respecting the marriage-covenant, and not at all of its termination by death; and if this should enter their thoughts, they are grieved; nevertheless they are cherished again by hope from the thought of its continuance after their decease.216.*
VII. CONJUGIAL LOVE RESIDES WITH CHASTE WIVES; BUT STILL THEIR LOVE DEPENDS ON THE HUSBANDS. The reason of this is, because wives are born loves; and hence it is innate to them to desire to be one with their husbands and from this thought of their will they continually feed their love; wherefore to recede from the _conatus_ of uniting themselves to their husbands, would be to recede from themselves: it is otherwise with the husbands, who are not born loves, but recipients of that love from their wives; and on this account, so far as they receive it, so far the wives enter with their love; but so far as they do not receive it, so far the wives stand aloof with their love, and wait in expectation. This is the case with chaste wives; but it is otherwise with the unchaste. From these considerations it is evident, that conjugial love resides with the wives, but that their love depends on the husbands.217.
VIII. WIVES LOVE THE BONDS OF MARRIAGE IF THE MEN DO. This follows from what was said in the foregoing article: moreover, wives naturally desire to be, and to be called wives; this being to them a name of respect and honor; they therefore love the bonds of marriage. And as chaste wives desire, not in name only, but in reality, to be wives, and this is effected by a closer and closer binding with their husbands, therefore they love the bonds of marriage as establishing the marriage-covenant, and this so much the more as they are loved again by their husbands, or what is tantamount, as the men love those bonds.218.
IX. THE INTELLIGENCE OF WOMEN IS IN ITSELF MODEST, ELEGANT, PACIFIC, YIELDING, SOFT, TENDER; BUT THE INTELLIGENCE OF MEN IN ITSELF IS GRAVE, HARSH, HARD, DARING, FOND OF LICENTIOUSNESS. That such is the characteristic distinction of the woman and the man, is very evident from the body, the face, the tone of voice, the conversation, the gesture, and the manners of each: from the BODY, in that there is more hardness in the skin and flesh of men, and more softness in that of women; from the FACE, in that it is harder, more fixed, harsher, of darker complexion, also bearded, thus less beautiful in men; whereas in women it is softer, more yielding, more tender, of fairer complexion, and thence more beautiful; from the TONE OF VOICE, in that it is deeper with men, and sweeter with women; from the CONVERSATION in that with men it is given to licentiousness and daring, but with women it is modest and pacific; from the GESTURE, in that with men it is stronger and firmer, whereas with women it is more weak and feeble; from the MANNERS, in that with men they are more unrestrained, but with women more elegant. How far from the very cradle the genius of men differs from that of women, was discovered to me clearly from seeing a number of boys and girls met together. I saw them at times through a window in the street of a great city, where more than twenty assembled every day. The boys, agreeably to the disposition born with them, in their pastimes were tumultuous, vociferous, apt to fight, to strike, and to throw stones at each other; whereas the girls sat peaceably at the doors of the houses, some playing with little children, some dressing dolls or working on bits of linen, some kissing each other; and to my surprise, they still looked with satisfaction at the boys whose pastimes were so different from their own. Hence I could see plainly, that a man by birth is understanding, and a woman, love; and also the quality of understanding and of love in their principles; and thereby what would be the quality of a man's understanding without conjunction with female love, and afterwards with conjugial love.219.
X. WIVES ARE IN NO EXCITATION AS MEN ARE; BUT THEY HAVE A STATE OF PREPARATION FOR RECEPTION. That men have semination and consequent excitation, and that women have not the latter because they have not the former, is evident, but that women have a state of preparation for reception, and thus for conception, I relate from what has been told me; but what the nature and quality of this state with the women is, I am not allowed to describe; besides, it is known to them alone: but whether their love, while they are in that state, is in the enjoyment of its delight, or in what is undelightful, as some say, they have not made known. This only is generally known, that it is not allowed the husband to say to the wife, that he is able and not willing: for thereby the state of reception is greatly hurt, which is prepared according to the state of the husband's ability.220.
XI. MEN HAVE ABUNDANT STORE ACCORDING TO THE LOVE OF PROPAGATING THE TRUTHS OF WISDOM, AND TO THE LOVE OF DOING USES. This position is one of the arcana which were known to the ancients, and which are now lost. The ancients knew that everything which was done in the body is from a spiritual origin: as that from the will, which in itself is spiritual, actions flow; that from the thought, which also is spiritual, speech flows; also that natural sight is grounded in spiritual sight, which is that of the understanding; natural hearing in spiritual hearing, which is attention of the understanding and at the same time accommodation of the will; and natural smelling in spiritual smelling, which is perception; and so forth: in like manner they saw that semination with men is from a spiritual origin. That it is from the truths of which the understanding consists, they concluded from several deductions both of reason and of experience; and they asserted, that nothing is received by males from the spiritual marriage, which is that of good and truth, and which flows into everything in the universe, but truth, and whatever has relation to truth; and that this in its progress into the body is formed into seed; and that hence it is, that seeds spiritually understood are truths. As to formation, they asserted, that the masculine soul, as being intellectual, is thus truth; for the intellectual principle is nothing else; wherefore while the soul descends, truth also descends: that this is effected by this circumstance, that the soul, which is the inmost principle of every man (_homo_) and every animal, and which in its essence is spiritual, from an implanted tendency to self-propagation, follows in the descent, and is desirous to procreate itself; and that when this is the case, the entire soul forms itself, and clothes itself, and becomes seed: and that this may be done thousands of times, because the soul is a spiritual substance, which is not a subject of extension but of impletion, and from which no part can be taken away, but the whole may be produced, without any loss thereof: hence it is, that it is as fully present in the smallest receptacles, which are seeds, as in its greatest receptacle, the body. Since therefore the principle of truth in the soul is the origin of seed, it follows, that men have abundant store according to their love of propagating the truths of their wisdom: it is also according to their love of doing uses; because uses are the goods which truths produce. In the world also it is well known to some, that the industrious have abundant store, but not the idle. I inquired, "How is a feminine principle produced from a male soul?" and I received for answer, that it was from intellectual good; because this in its essence is truth: for the intellect can think that this is good, thus that it is true that it is good. It is otherwise with the will: this does not think what is good and true, but loves and does it. Therefore in the Word sons signify truths, and daughters goods, as may be seen above, n. 120; and seed signifies truth, as may be seen in the APOCALYPSE REVEALED, n. 565.221.
XII. DETERMINATION IS IN THE GOOD PLEASURE OF THE HUSBAND. This is, because with men there is the abundant store above mentioned; and this varies with them according to the states of their minds and bodies: for the understanding is not so constant in its thoughts as the will is in its affections; since it is sometimes carried upwards, sometimes downwards; at one time it is in a serene and clear state in another in a turbulent and obscure one; sometimes it is employed on agreeable objects, sometimes on disagreeable; and as the mind, while it acts, is also in the body, it follows, that the body has similar states: hence the husband at times recedes from conjugial love, and at times accedes to it, and the abundant store is removed in the one state, and restored in the other. These are the reasons why determination at all times is to be left to the good pleasure of the husband: hence also it is that wives, from a wisdom implanted in them, never offer any admonition on such subjects.222.
XIII. THE CONJUGIAL SPHERE FLOWS FROM THE LORD THROUGH HEAVEN INTO EVERYTHING IN THE UNIVERSE, EVEN TO ITS ULTIMATES. That love and wisdom, or, what is the same, good and truth, proceed from the Lord, was shewn above in a chapter on the subject. Those two principles in a marriage proceed continually from the Lord, because they are himself, and from him are all things; and the things which proceed from him fill the universe, for unless this were the case, nothing which exists would subsist. There are several spheres which proceed from him; the sphere of the conservation of the created universe; the sphere of the defence of good and truth against evil and false, the sphere of reformation and regeneration, the sphere of innocence and peace, the sphere of mercy and grace, with several others; but the universal of all is the conjugial sphere, because this also is the sphere of propagation, and thus the supereminent sphere of the conservation of the created universe by successive generations. That this conjugial sphere fills the universe, and pervades all things from first to last, is evident from what has been shewn above, that there are marriages in the heavens, and the most perfect in the third or supreme heaven: and that besides taking place with men it takes place also with all the subjects of the animal kingdom in the earth, even down to worms; and moreover with all the subjects of the vegetable kingdom, from olives and palms even to the smallest grasses. That this sphere is more universal than the sphere of heat and light, which proceeds from the sun of our world, may appear reasonable from this consideration, that it operates also in the absence of the sun's heat, as in winter, and in the absence of its light, as in the night, especially with men (_homines_). The reason why it so operates is, because it was from the sun of the angelic heaven, and thence there is a constant equation of heat and light, that is, a conjunction of good and truth; for it is in a continual spring. The changes of good and truth, or of its heat and light, are not variations thereof, like the variations on earth arising from changes of the heat and light proceeding from the natural sun; but they arise from the recipient subjects.223.
XIV. THIS SPHERE IS RECEIVED BY THE FEMALE SEX, AND THROUGH THAT IS TRANSFERRED TO THE MALE SEX. There is not any conjugial love appertaining to the male sex, but it appertains solely to the female sex, and from this sex is transferred to the male: this I have seen evidenced by experience; concerning which see above, n. 161. A further proof of it is supplied from this consideration, that the male form is the intellectual form, and the female the voluntary; and the intellectual form cannot grow warm with conjugial heat from itself, but from the conjunctive heat of some one, in whom it was implanted from creation; consequently it cannot receive that love except by the voluntary form of the woman adjoined to itself; because this also is a form of love. This same position might be further confirmed by the marriage of good and truth; and, to the natural man, by the marriage of the heart and lungs; for the heart corresponds to love, and the lungs to understanding; but as the generality of mankind are deficient in the knowledge of these subjects, confirmation thereby would tend rather to obscure than to illustrate. It is in consequence of the transference of this sphere from the female sex into the male, that the mind is also inflamed solely from thinking about the sex; that hence also comes propagative formation and thereby excitation, follows of course; for unless heat is united to light on earth, nothing flourishes and is excited to cause fructification there.224.
XV. WHERE THERE IS LOVE TRULY CONJUGIAL, THIS SPHERE IS RECEIVED BY THE WIFE, AND ONLY THROUGH HER BY THE HUSBAND. That this sphere, with those who are in love truly conjugial, is received by the husband only through the wife, is at this day an arcanum; and yet in itself it is not an arcanum, because the bridegroom and new-married husband may know this; is he not affected conjugially by whatever proceeds from the bride and new-married wife, but not at that time by what proceeds from others of the sex? The case is the same with those who live together in love truly conjugial. And since everyone, both man and woman, is encompassed by his own sphere of life, densely on the breast, and less densely on the back, it is manifest whence it is that husbands who are very fond of their wives, turn themselves to them, and in the day-time regard them with complacency; and on the other hand, why those who do not love their wives, turn themselves away from them, and in the day-time regard them with aversion. By the reception of the conjugial sphere by the husband only through the wife, love truly conjugial is known and distinguished from that which is spurious, false, and cold.225.
XVI. WHERE THERE IS LOVE NOT CONJUGIAL, THIS SPHERE IS RECEIVED INDEED BY THE WIFE, BUT NOT BY THE HUSBAND THROUGH HER. This conjugial sphere flowing into the universe is in its origin divine; in its progress in heaven with the angels it is celestial and spiritual; with men it is natural, with beasts and birds animal, with worms merely corporeal, with vegetables it is void of life; and moreover in all its subjects it is varied according to their forms. Now as this sphere is received immediately by the female sex, and mediately by the male, and as it is received according to forms, it follows, that this sphere, which in its origin is holy, may in the subjects be turned into what is not holy, yea may be even inverted into what is opposite. The sphere opposite to it is called meretricious with such women, and adulterous with such men; and as such men and women are in hell, this sphere is from thence: but of this sphere there is also much variety, and hence there are several species of it; and such a species is attracted and appropriated by a man (_vir_) as is agreeable to him, and as is conformable and correspondent with his peculiar temper and disposition. From these considerations it may appear, that the man who does not love his wife, receives that sphere from some other source than from his wife; nevertheless it is a fact, that it is also inspired by the wife, but without the husband's knowing it, and while he grows warm.226.
XVII. LOVE TRULY CONJUGIAL MAY EXIST WITH ONE OF THE MARRIED PARTNERS, AND NOT AT THE SAME TIME WITH THE OTHER. For one may from the heart devote himself to chaste marriage, while the other knows not what chaste marriage is; one may love the things which are of the church, but the other those which are of the world alone: as to their minds, one may be in heaven, the other in hell; hence there may be conjugial love with the one, and not with the other. The minds of such, since they are turned in a contrary direction, are inwardly in collision with each other; and if not outwardly, still, he that is not in conjugial love, regards his lawful consort as a tiresome old woman; and so in other cases.227.
XVIII. THERE ARE VARIOUS SIMILITUDES AND DISSIMILITUDES, BOTH INTERNAL AND EXTERNAL, WITH MARRIED PARTNERS. It is well known, that between married partners there are similitudes and dissimilitudes, and that the external appear, but not the internal, except after some time of living together, to the married partners themselves, and by indications to others; but it would be useless to mention each so that they might be known, since several pages might be filled with an account and description of their varieties. Similitudes may in part be deduced and concluded from the dissimilitudes on account of which conjugial love is changed into cold; of which we shall speak in the following chapter. Similitudes and dissimilitudes in general originate from connate inclinations, varied by education, connections, and persuasions that have been imbibed.228.
XIX. VARIOUS SIMILITUDES CAN BE CONJOINED, BUT NOT WITH DISSIMILITUDES. The varieties of similitudes are very numerous, and differ more or less from each other; but still those which differ may in time be conjoined by various things, especially by accommodations to desires, by mutual offices and civilities, by abstaining from what is unchaste, by the common love of infants and the care of children, but particularly by conformity in things relating to the church; for things relating to the church effect a conjunction of similitudes differing interiorly, other things only exteriorly. But with dissimilitudes no conjunction can be effected, because they are antipathetical.229.
XX. THE LORD PROVIDES SIMILITUDES FOR THOSE WHO DESIRE LOVE TRULY CONJUGIAL, AND IF NOT ON EARTH, HE YET PROVIDES THEM IN HEAVEN. The reason of this is, because all marriages of love truly conjugial are provided by the Lord. That they are from him, may be seen above, n. 130, 131; but in what manner they are provided in heaven, I have heard thus described by the angels: The divine providence of the Lord extends to everything, even to the minutest particulars, concerning marriages and in marriages, because all the delights of heaven spring from the delights of conjugial love, as sweet waters from the fountain-head; and on this account it is provided that conjugial pairs be born; and that they be continually educated to their several marriages under the Lord's auspices, neither the boy nor the girl knowing anything of the matter; and after a stated time, when they both become marriageable, they meet in some place as by chance, and see each other, and in this case they instantly know, as by a kind of instinct, that they are a pair, and by a kind of inward dictate think within themselves, the youth, that she is mine, and the maiden, that he is mine; and when this thought has existed some time in the mind of each, they accost each other from a deliberate purpose, and betroth themselves. It is said, as by chance, by instinct, and by dictate; and the meaning is, by divine providence; since, while the divine providence is unknown, it has such an appearance; for the Lord opens internal similitudes, so that they may see themselves.230.
XXI. A MAN (_homo_) ACCORDING TO THE DEFICIENCY AND LOSS OF CONJUGIAL LOVE, APPROACHES TO THE NATURE OF A BEAST. The reason of this is, because so far as a man (_homo_) is in conjugial love, so far he is spiritual, and so far as he is spiritual, so far he is a man (_homo_); for a man is born to a life after death, and attains the possession thereof in consequence of having in him a spiritual soul, and is capable of being elevated thereto by the faculty of his understanding; if in this case his will, from the faculty also granted to it, is elevated at the same time, he lives after death the life of heaven. The contrary comes to pass, if he is in a love opposite to conjugial love; for so far as he is in this opposite love, so far he is natural; and a merely natural man is like a beast as to lusts and appetites, and to their delights; with this difference only, that he has the faculty of elevating his understanding into the light of wisdom, and also of elevating his will into the heat of celestial love. These faculties are never taken away from airy man (_homo_); therefore the merely natural man, although as to concupiscences and appetites and their delights, he is like a beast, still lives after death, but in a state corresponding to his past life. From these considerations it may appear that a man, according to the deficiency of conjugial love, approaches to the nature of a beast. This position may seem to be contradicted by the consideration, that there are a deficiency and loss of conjugial love with some who yet are men (_homines_); but the position is meant to be confined to those who make light of conjugial love from a principle of adulterous love, and who therefore are in such deficiency and loss.231.
To the above I shall add THREE MEMORABLE RELATIONS. FIRST. I once heard loud exclamations, which issued from the hells, with a noise as if they bubbled up through water: one to the left hand, in these words, "O HOW JUST!" another to the right, "O HOW LEARNED!" and a third from behind, "O HOW WISE!" and as I was in doubt whether there are also in hell persons of justice, learning, and wisdom, I was impressed with a strong desire of seeing what was the real case; and a voice from heaven said to me, "You shall see and hear." I therefore in spirit went out of the house, and saw before me an opening, which I approached; and looked down; and lo! there was a ladder, by which I descended: and when I was down, I observed a level country set thick with shrubs, intermixed with thorns and nettles; and on my asking, whether this was hell, I was told it was the lower earth next above hell. I then continued my course in a direction according to the exclamations in order; first to those who exclaimed, "O HOW JUST!" where I saw a company consisting of such as in the world had been judges influenced by friendship and gifts; then to the second exclamation, "O HOW LEARNED!" where I saw a company of such as in the world had been reasoners; and lastly to the third exclamation, "O HOW WISE!" where I saw a company such as in the world had been confirmators. From these I returned to the first, where there were judges influenced by friendship and gifts, and who were proclaimed "Just." On one side I saw as it were an amphitheatre built of brick, and covered with black slates; and I was told that they called it a tribunal. There were three entrances to it on the north, and three on the west, but none on the south and east; a proof that their decisions were not those of justice, but were arbitrary determinations. In the middle of the amphitheatre there was a fire, into which the servants who attended threw torches of sulphur and pitch; the light whereof, by its vibrations on the plastered walls, presented pictured images of birds of the evening and night; but both the fire and the vibrations of light thence issuing, together with the forms of the images thereby produced, were representations that in their decisions they could adorn the matter of any debate with colored dyes, and give it a form according to their own interest. In about half an hour I saw some old men and youths in robes and cloaks, enter the amphitheatre, who, laying aside their caps, took their seats at the tables, in order to sit in judgement. I heard and perceived with what cunning and ingenuity, under the impulse of prejudice in favor of their friends, they warped and inverted judgement so as to give it an appearance of justice, and this to such a degree, that they themselves saw what was unjust as just, and on the other hand what was just as unjust. Such persuasions respecting the points to be decided upon, appeared from their countenances, and were heard from their manner of speaking. I then received illustration from heaven, from which I perceived how far each point was grounded in right or not; and I saw how industriously they concealed what was unjust, and gave it a semblance of what was just; and how they selected some particular statute which favored their own side of the question, and by cunning reasonings warped the rest to the same side. After judgement was given, the decrees were conveyed to their clients, friends and favorers, who, to recompense them for their services, continued to shout, "O HOW JUST, O HOW JUST!" After this I conversed respecting them with the angels of heaven, and related to them some of the things I had seen and heard. The angels said to me, "Such judges appear to others to be endowed with a most extraordinary acuteness of intellect; when yet they do not at all see what is just and equitable. If you remove the prejudices of friendship in favor of particular persons, they sit mute in judgement like so many statues, and only say, 'I acquiesce, and am entirely of your opinion on this point.' This happens because all their judgements are prejudices; and prejudice with partiality influences the case in question from beginning to end. Hence they see nothing but what is connected with their friend's interest; and whatever is contrary thereto, they set aside; or if they pay any attention to it, they involve it in intricate reasonings, as a spider wraps up its prey in a web, and make an end of it; hence, unless they follow the web of their prejudice, they see nothing of what is right. They were examined whether they were able to see it, and it was discovered that they were not. That this is the case, will seem wonderful to the inhabitants of your world; but tell them it is a truth that has been investigated by the angels of heaven. As they see nothing of what is just, we in heaven regard them not as men but as monsters, whose heads are constituted of things relating to friendship, their breasts of those relating to injustice, their feet of those which relate to confirmation, and the soles of the feet of those things which relate to justice, which they supplant and trample under foot, in case they are unfavorable to the interests of their friend. But of what quality they appear to us from heaven, you shall presently see; for their end is at hand." And lo! at that instant the ground was cleft asunder, and the tables fell one upon another, and they were swallowed up, together with the whole amphitheatre, and were cast into caverns, and imprisoned. It was then said to me, "Do you wish to see them where they now are?" And lo! their faces appeared as of polished steel, their bodies from the neck to the loins as graven images of stone clothed with leopards' skins, and their feet like snakes: the law books too, which they had arranged in order on the tables, were changed into packs of cards: and now, instead of sitting in judgement, the office appointed to them is to prepare vermilion and mix it up into a paint, to bedaub the faces of harlots and thereby turn them into beauties.
After seeing these things, I was desirous to visit the two other assemblies, one of which consisted of mere reasoners, and the other of mere confirmators; and it was said to me, "Stop awhile, and you shall have attendant angels from the society next above them; by these you will receive light from the Lord and will see what will surprise you."232.
THE SECOND MEMORABLE RELATION. After some time I heard again from the lower earth voices exclaiming as before, "O HOW LEARNED! O HOW WISE!" I looked round to see what angels were present; and lo! they were from the heaven immediately above those who cried out, "O HOW LEARNED!" and I conversed with them respecting the cry, and they said, "Those learned ones are such as only reason _whether a thing be so or not_, and seldom think _that it is so_; therefore, they are like winds which blow and pass away, like the bark about trees which are without sap, or like shells about almonds without a kernel, or like the outward rind about fruit without pulp; for their minds are void of interior judgement, and are united only with the bodily senses; therefore unless the senses themselves decide, they can conclude nothing; in a word, they are merely sensual, and we call them REASONERS. We give them this name, because they never conclude anything, and make whatever they hear a matter of argument, and dispute whether it be so, with perpetual contradiction. They love nothing better than to attack essential truths, and so to pull them in pieces as to make them a subject of dispute. These are those who believe themselves learned above the rest of the world." On hearing this account, I entreated the angels to conduct me to them: so they led me to a cave, from which there was a flight of steps leading to the earth below. We descended and followed the shout, "O HOW LEARNED!" and lo! there were some hundreds standing in one place, beating the ground with their feet. Being at first surprised at this sight, I inquired the reason of their standing in that manner and beating the ground with the soles of their feet, and said, "They may thus by their feet make holes in the floor." At this the angel smiled and said, "They appear to stand in this manner, because they never think on any subject that it is so, but only whether it is so, and dispute about it; and when the thinking principle proceeds no further than this, they appear only to tread and trample on a single clod, and not to advance." Upon this I approached the assembly, and lo! they appeared to me to be good-looking men and well dressed; but the angels said, "This is their appearance when viewed in their own light; but if light from heaven flows in, their faces are changed, and so is their dress;" and so it came to pass: they then appeared with dark faces, and dressed in black sackcloth; but when this light was withdrawn, they appeared as before. I presently entered into conversation with some of them, and said, "I heard the shout of a crowd about you, '_O how learned!_' may I be allowed therefore to have a little conversation with you on subjects of the highest learning?" they replied, "Mention any subject, and we will give you satisfaction." I then asked, "What must be the nature of that religion by which a man is saved?" They said, "We will divide this subject into several parts; and we cannot answer it until we have concluded on its subdivisions. The first inquiry shall be, Whether religion be anything? the second, Whether there be such a thing as salvation or not? the third, Whether one religion be more efficacious than another? the fourth, Whether there be a heaven and a hell? the fifth, Whether there be eternal life after death?" besides many more inquiries. Then I desired to know their opinion concerning the first article of inquiry, Whether religion be anything? They began to discuss the subject with abundance of arguments, whether there be any such thing as religion, and whether what is called religion be anything? I requested them to refer it to the assembly, and they did so; and the general answer was, that the proposition required so much investigation that it could not be finished within the evening. I then asked. "Can you finish it within the year?" and one of them said, "Not within a hundred years:" so I observed, "In the mean while you are without religion;" and he replied, "Shall it not be first demonstrated whether there be such a thing as religion, and whether what is called religion be anything? if there be such a thing, it must be also for the wise; if there be no such thing, it must he only for the vulgar. It is well known that religion is called a bond; but it is asked, for whom? if it be only for the vulgar, it is not anything in itself; if it be likewise for the wise, it is something." On hearing these arguments, I said to them, "There is no character you deserve less than that of being learned; because all your thoughts are confined to the single inquiry, whether a thing be, and to canvass each side of the question. Who can become learned, unless he know something for certain, and progressively advance into it, as a man in walking progressively advances from step to step, and thereby successively arrives at wisdom! If you follow any other rule, you make no approach to truths, but remove them more and more out of sight. To reason only whether a thing be, is it not like reasoning about a cap or a shoe, whether they fit or not, before they are put on? and what must be the consequence of such reasoning, but that you will not know whether anything exist, yea, whether there be any such thing as salvation, or eternal life after death; whether one religion be more efficacious than another, and whether there be a heaven and a hell? On these subjects you cannot possibly think at all, so long as you halt at the first step, and beat the sand at setting out, instead of setting one foot before another and going forward. Take heed to yourselves, lest your minds, standing thus without in a state of indetermination, should inwardly harden and become statues of salt, and yourselves friends of Lot's wife." With these words I took my leave, and they being indignant threw stones after me; and then they appeared to me like graven images of stone, without any human reason in them. On my asking the angels concerning their lot, they said, "Their lot is, that they are cast down into the deep, into a wilderness, where they are forced to carry burdens; and in this case, as they are no longer capable of rational conversation, they give themselves up to idle prattle and talk, and appear at a distance like asses that are heavily laden."233.
THE THIRD MEMORABLE RELATION. After this one of the angels said, "Follow me to the place where they exclaim, 'O HOW WISE!' and you shall see prodigies of men; you shall see faces and bodies, which are the faces and bodies of a man, and yet they are not men." I said, "Are they beasts then?" he replied, "They are not beasts, but beast-men; for they are such as cannot at all see whether truth be truth or not, and yet they can make whatever they will to be truth. Such persons with us are called CONFIRMATORS." We followed the vociferation, and came to the place; and lo! there was a company of men, and around them a crowd, and in the crowd some of noble blood, who, on hearing that they confirmed whatever they said, and favored themselves with such manifest consent, turned, and said, "O HOW WISE!" But the angel said to me, "Let us not go to them, but call one out of the company." We called him and went aside with him, and conversed on various subjects; and he confirmed every one of them, so that they appeared altogether as true; and we asked him, whether he could also confirm the contrary? he said, "As well as the former." Then he spoke openly and from the heart, and said, "What is truth? Is there anything true in the nature of things, but what a man makes true? Advance any proposition you please, and I will make it to be true." Hereupon I said, "Make this true; That faith is the all of the church." This he did so dexterously and cunningly, that the learned who were standing by admired and applauded him. I afterwards requested him to make it true, That charity is the all of the church; and he did so: and afterwards, That charity is nothing of the church: and he dressed up each side of the question, and adorned it so with appearances, that the bystanders looked at each other, and said, "Is not this a wise man?" But I said, "Do not you know that to live well is charity, and that to believe well is faith? does not he that lives well also believe well? and consequently, is not faith of charity, and charity of faith? do you not see that this is true?" He replied, "I will make it true, and will then see." He did so, and said, "Now I see it;" but presently he made the contrary to be true, and then said, "I also see that this is true." At this we smiled and said, "Are they not contraries? how can two contraries appear true?" To this he replied with indignation, "You are mistaken; each is true; since truth is nothing but what a man makes true." There was a certain person standing near, who in the world had been a legate of the first rank. He was surprised at this assertion, and said, "I acknowledge that in the world something like this method of reasoning prevails; but still you are out of your senses. Try if you can make it to be true, that light is darkness, and darkness light." He replied, "I will easily do this. What are light and darkness but a state of the eye? Is not light changed into shade when the eye comes out of sunshine, and also when it is kept intensely fixed on the sun? Who does not know, that the state of the eye in such a case is changed, and that in consequence light appears as shade; and on the other hand, when the state of the eye is restored, that shade appears as light? Does not an owl see the darkness of night as the light of day, and the light of day as the darkness of night, and also the sun itself as an opaque and dusky globe? If any man had the eyes of an owl, which would he call light and which darkness? What then is light but the state of the eye? and if it be a state of the eye, is not light darkness, and darkness light? therefore each of the propositions is true." Afterwards the legate asked him to make this true, That a raven is white and not black; and he replied, "I will do this also with ease;" and he said, "Take a needle or razor, and lay open the feathers or quills of a raven; are they not white within? Also remove the feathers and quills, and look at its skin; is it not white? What is the blackness then which envelops it but a shade, which ought not to determine the raven's color? That blackness is merely a shade. I appeal to the skilful in the science of optics, who will tell you, that if you pound a black stone or glass into fine powder, you will see that the powder is white." But the legate replied, "Does not the raven appear black to the sight?" The confirmator answered, "Will you, who are a man, think in any case from appearance? you may indeed say from appearance, that a crow is black, but you cannot think so; as for example, you may speak from the appearance and say that the sun rises, advances to its meridian altitude, and sets; but, as you are a man, you cannot think so; because the sun stands unmoved and the earth only changes its position. The case is the same with the raven; appearance is appearance; and say what you will, a raven is altogether and entirely white; it grows white also as it grows old; and this I have seen." We next requested him to tell us from his heart, whether he was in joke, or whether he really believed that nothing is true but what a man makes true? and he replied, "I swear that I believe it." Afterwards the legate asked him, whether he could make it true that he was out of his senses; and he said, "I can; but I do not choose: who is not out of his senses?" When the conversation was thus ended, this universal confirmator was sent to the angels, to be examined as to his true quality; and the report they afterwards made was, that he did not possess even a single grain of understanding; because all that is above the rational principle was closed in him, and that alone which is below was open. Above the rational principle is heavenly light, and below it is natural light; and this light is such that it can confirm whatever it pleases; but if heavenly light does not flow into natural light, a man does not see whether any thing true is true, and consequently neither does he see that any thing false is false. To see in either case is by virtue of heavenly light in natural light; and heavenly light is from the God of heaven, who is the Lord; therefore this universal confirmator is not a man or a beast, but a beast-man. I questioned the angel concerning the lot of such persons, and whether they can be together with those who are alive, since every one has life from heavenly light, and from this light has understanding. He said, that such persons when they are alone, can neither think nor express their thoughts, but stand mute like machines, and as in a deep sleep; but that they awake as soon as any sound strikes their ears: and he added, that those become such, who are inmostly wicked; into these no heavenly light can flow from above, but only somewhat spiritual through the world, whence they derive the faculty of confirming. As he said this, I heard a voice from the angels who had examined the confirmation, saying to me, "From what you have now heard form a general conclusion." I accordingly formed the following: "That intelligence does not consist in being able to confirm whatever a man pleases, but in being able to see that what is true is true, and what is false is false." After this I looked towards the company where the confirmators stood, and where the crowd about them shouted, "_O how wise!_" and lo! a dusky cloud covered them, and in the cloud were owls and bats on the wing; and it was said to me, "The owls and bats flying in the dusky cloud, are correspondences and consequent appearances of their thoughts; because confirmations of falsities so as to make them appear like truths, are represented in this world under the forms of birds of night, whose eyes are inwardly illuminated by a false light, from which they see objects in the dark as if in the light. By such a false spiritual light are those influenced who confirm falses until they seem as truths, and afterwards are said and believed to be truths: all such see backwards, and not forwards."234.
ON THE CAUSES OF COLDNESS, SEPARATION, AND DIVORCE IN MARRIAGES.
In treating here on the causes of coldness in marriages, we shall treat also at the same time on the causes of separation, and likewise of divorce, because they are connected; for separations come from no other source than from coldnesses, which are successively inborn after marriage, or from causes discovered after marriage, from which also coldness springs; but divorces come from adulteries; for these are altogether opposite to marriages; and opposites induce coldness, if not in both parties, at least in one. This is the reason why the causes of coldness, separations, and divorces, are brought together into one chapter. But the coherence of the causes will be more clearly discerned from viewing them in the following series:--I. _There are spiritual heat and spiritual cold; and spiritual heat is love, and spiritual cold the privation thereof._ II. _Spiritual cold in marriages is a disunion of souls and a disjunction of minds, whence come indifference, discord, contempt, disdain, and aversion; from which, in several cases, at length comes separation as to bed, chamber, and house._ III. _There are several successive causes of cold, some internal, some external, and some accidental._ IV. _Internal causes of cold are from religion._ V. _The first of these causes is the rejection of religion by each of the parties._ VI. _The second is, that one has religion and not the other._ VII. _The third is, that one is of one religion and the other of another._ VIII. _The fourth is the falsity of the religion imbibed._ IX. _With many, these are causes of internal cold, but not at the same time of external._ X. _There are also several external causes of cold; the first of which is dissimilitude of minds and manners._ XI. _The second is, that conjugial love is believed to be the same as adulterous love, only that the latter is not allowed by law, but the former is._ XII. _The third is, a striving for pre-eminence between married partners._ XIII. _The fourth is, a want of determination to any employment or business, whence comes wandering passion._ XIV. _The fifth is, inequality of external rank and condition._ XV. _There are also causes of separation._ XVI. _The first of them is a vitiated state of mind._ XVII. _The second is a vitiated state of body._ XVIII. _The third is impotence before marriage._ XIX. _Adultery is the cause of divorce._ XX. _There are also several accidental causes of cold; the first of which is, that enjoyment is common (or cheap), because continually allowed._ XXI. _The second is that living with a married partner, from a covenant and compact, seems to be forced and not free._ XXII. _The third is, affirmation on the part of the wife, and her talking incessantly about love._ XXIII. _The fourth is, the man's continually thinking that his wife is willing; and on the other hand, the wife's thinking that the man is not willing._ XXIV. _As cold is in the mind it is also in the body; and according to the increase of that cold, the externals also of the body are closed._ We proceed to an explanation of each article.235.
I. THERE ARE SPIRITUAL HEAT AND SPIRITUAL COLD; AND SPIRITUAL HEAT IS LOVE, AND SPIRITUAL COLD IS THE PRIVATION THEREOF. Spiritual heat is from no other source than the sun of the spiritual world; for there is in that world a sun proceeding from the Lord, who is in the midst of it; and as it is from the Lord, it is in its essence pure love. This sun appears fiery before the angels, just as the sun of our world appears before men. The reason of its appearing fiery is, because love is spiritual fire. From that sun proceed both heat and light; but as that sun is pure love, the heat thence derived in its essence is love, and the light thence derived in its essence is wisdom; hence it is manifest what is the source of spiritual heat, and that spiritual heat is love. But we will also briefly explain the source of spiritual cold. It is from the sun of the natural world, and its heat and light. The sun of the natural world was created that its heat and light might receive in them spiritual heat and light, and by means of the atmospheres might convey spiritual heat and light even to ultimates in the earth, in order to produce effects of ends, which are of the Lord in his sun, and also to clothe spiritual principles with suitable garments, that is, with materials, to operate ultimate ends in nature. These effects are produced when spiritual heat is joined to natural heat; but the contrary comes to pass when natural heat is separated from spiritual heat, as is the case with those who love natural things, and reject spiritual: with such, spiritual heat becomes cold. The reason why these two loves, which from creation are in agreement, become thus opposite, is, because in such case the dominant heat becomes the servant, and _vice versa_; and to prevent this effect, spiritual heat, which from its lineage is lord, then recedes; and in those subjects, spiritual heat grows cold, because it becomes opposite. From these considerations it is manifest that spiritual cold is the privation of spiritual heat. In what is here said, by heat is meant love; because that heat living in subjects is felt as love. I have heard in the spiritual world, that spirits merely natural grow intensely cold while they apply themselves to the side of some angel who is in a state of love; and that the case is similar in regard to the infernal spirits, while heat flows into them out of heaven; and that nevertheless among themselves, when the heat of heaven is removed from them, they are inflamed with great heat.236.
II. Spiritual cold in marriages is a disunion of souls and a disjunction of minds, whence come indifference, discord, contempt, disdain, and aversion; from which, in several cases, at length comes separation as to bed, chamber, and house. That these effects take place with married partners, while their primitive love is on the decline, and becomes cold, is too well known to need any comment. The reason is, because conjugial cold above all others resides in human minds; for the essential conjugial principle is inscribed on the soul, to the end that a soul may be propagated from a soul, and the soul of the father into the offspring. Hence it is that this cold originates there, and successively goes downward into the principles thence derived, and infects them; and thus changes the joys and delights of the primitive love into what is sad and undelightful.237.
III. THERE ARE SEVERAL SUCCESSIVE CAUSES OF COLD, SOME INTERNAL, SOME EXTERNAL, AND SOME ACCIDENTAL. That there are several causes of cold in marriages, is known in the world; also that they arise from many external causes; but it is not known that the origins of the causes lie concealed in the inmost principles, and that from these they descend into the principles thence derived, until they appear in externals; in order therefore that it may be known that external causes are not causes in themselves, but derived from causes in themselves, which, as was said, are in inmost principles, we will first distribute the causes generally into internal and external, and afterwards will particularly examine them.238.
IV. INTERNAL CAUSES OF COLD ARE FROM RELIGION. That the very origin of conjugial love resides in the inmost principles of man, that is, in his soul, is demonstrable to every one from the following considerations alone; that the soul of the offspring is from the father, which is known from the similitude of inclinations and affections, and also from the general character of the countenance derived from the father and remaining with very remote posterity; also from the propagative faculty implanted in souls from creation; and moreover by what is analogous thereto in the subjects of the vegetable kingdom, in that there lies hid in the inmost principles of germination the propagation of the seed itself, and thence of the whole, whether it be a tree, a shrub, or a plant. This propagative or plastic force in seeds in the latter kingdom, and in souls in the other, is from no other source than the conjugial sphere, which is that of good and truth, and which perpetually emanates and flows in from the Lord the Creator and Supporter of the universe; concerning which sphere, see above, n. 222-225; and from the endeavour of those two principles, good and truth, therein, to unite into a one. This conjugial endeavour remains implanted in souls, and conjugial love exists by derivation from it as its origin. That this same marriage, from which the above universal sphere is derived, constitutes the church with man, has been abundantly shewn above in the chapter ON THE MARRIAGE OF GOOD AND TRUTH, and frequently elsewhere. Hence there is all the evidence of rational demonstration, that the origin of the church and of conjugial love are in one place of abode, and in a continual embrace; but on this subject see further particulars above, n. 130, where it was proved, that conjugial love is according to the state of the church with man; thus that it is grounded in religion, because religion constitutes this state. Man also was created with a capacity of becoming more and more interior, and thereby of being introduced or elevated nearer and nearer to that marriage, and thus into love truly conjugial, and this even so far as to perceive a state of its blessedness. That religion is the only means of introduction and elevation, appears clearly from what was said above, namely, that the origin of the church and of conjugial love are in the same place of abode, and in mutual embrace there, and that hence they must needs be conjoined.239.
From what has been said above it follows, that where there is no religion, there is no conjugial love; and that where there is no conjugial love, there is cold. That conjugial cold is the privation of that love, maybe seen above, n. 235; consequently that conjugial cold is also a privation of a state of the church, or of religion. Sufficient evidence of the truth of this may be deduced from the general ignorance that now prevails concerning love truly conjugial. In these times, who knows, and who is willing to acknowledge, and who will not be surprised to hear, that the origin of conjugial love is deduced hence? But the only cause and source of this ignorance is, that, notwithstanding there is religion, still there are not the truths of religion; and what is religion without truths? That there is a want of the truths of religion, is fully shown in the APOCALYPSE REVEALED; see also the MEMORABLE RELATION, n. 566 of that work.240.
V. OF INTERNAL CAUSES OF COLD THE FIRST IS THE REJECTION OF RELIGION BY EACH OF THE PARTIES. Those who reject the holy things of the church from the face to the hinder part of the head, or from the breast to the back, have not any good love; if any proceeds apparently from the body, still there is not any in the spirit. With such persons goods place themselves on the outside of evils, and cover them, as raiment glittering with gold covers a putrid body. The evils which reside within, and are covered, are in general hatreds, and thence intestine combats against everything spiritual; for all things of the church which they reject, are in themselves spiritual; and as love truly conjugial is the fundamental love of all spiritual loves, as was shewn above, it is evident that interior hatred is contrary to it, and that the interior or real love with such is in favor or the opposite, which is the love of adultery; therefore such persons, more than others, will be disposed to ridicule this truth, that every one has conjugial love according to the state of the church; yea, they will possibly laugh at the very mention of love truly conjugial; but be it so; nevertheless they are to be pardoned, because it is as impossible for them to distinguish in thought between the marriage embrace and the adulterous, as it is for a camel to go through the eye of a needle. Such persons, as to conjugial love, are starved with cold more than others. If they keep to their married partners, it is only on account of some of the external causes mentioned above, n. 153, which withhold and bind them. Their interiors of the soul and thence of the mind are more and more closed, and in the body are stopped up; and in this case even the love of the sex is thought little of, or becomes insanely lascivious in the interiors of the body, and thence in the lowest principles of their thought. It is these who are meant in the MEMORABLE RELATION, n. 79, which they may read if they please.241.
VI. OF INTERNAL CAUSES OF COLD THE SECOND IS, THAT ONE OF THE PARTIES HAS RELIGION AND NOT THE OTHER. The reason of this is, because the souls must of course disagree; for the soul of one is open to the reception of conjugial love, while the soul of the other is closed to it. It is closed with the party that has not religion, and it is open with the one that has; hence such persons cannot live together harmoniously; and when once conjugial love is banished, there ensues cold; but this is with the party that has no religion. This cold cannot be dissipated except by the reception of a religion agreeing with that of the other party, if it be true; otherwise, with the party that has no religion, there ensues cold, which descends from the soul into the body, even to the cuticles; in consequence of which he can no longer look his married partner directly in the face, or accost her in a communion of respirations, or speak to her except in a subdued tone of voice, or touch her with the hand, and scarcely with the back; not to mention the insanities which, proceeding from that cold, make their way into the thoughts, which they do not make known; and this is the reason why such marriages dissolve of themselves. Moreover, it is well known, that an impious man thinks meanly of a married partner; and all who are without religion are impious.242.
VII. OF INTERNAL CAUSES OF COLD THE THIRD IS, THAT ONE OF THE PARTIES IS OF ONE RELIGION AND THE OTHER OF ANOTHER. The reason of this is, because with such persons good cannot be conjoined with its corresponding truth; for as was shewn above, the wife is the good of the husband's truth, and he is the truth of the wife's good. Hence of two souls there cannot be made one soul; and hence the stream of that love is closed: and consequently a conjugial principle is entered upon, which has a lower place of abode, and which is that of good with another truth, or of truth with another good than its own, between which there cannot be any harmonious love: hence with the married partner that is in a false religion, there commences a cold, which grows more intense in proportion as he differs from the other party. On a certain time, as I was wandering through the streets of a great city inquiring for a lodging, I entered a house inhabited by married partners of a different religion; being ignorant of this circumstance, the angels instantly accosted me, and said, "We cannot remain with you in that house; for the married partners who dwell there differ in religion." This they perceived from the internal disunion of their souls.243.
VIII. OF INTERNAL CAUSES OF COLD THE FOURTH IS, THE FALSITY OF THE RELIGION. This is, because falsity in spiritual things either takes away religion or defiles it. It takes it from those with whom genuine truths are falsified; it defiles it, where there are indeed falsities, but not genuine truths, which therefore could not be falsified. In the latter case there may be imputed goods with which those falses may be conjoined by applications from the Lord; for these falses are like various discordant tones, which by artful arrangements and combinations are brought into harmony, and communicate to harmony its agreeableness: in this case some conjugial love is communicable; but with those who have falsified with themselves the genuine truths of the church, it is not communicable. The prevailing ignorance concerning love truly conjugial, or a negative doubting respecting the possibility of the existence of such love, is from persons of the latter description; and from the same source also comes the wild imagination, in the minds of the generality, that adulteries are not evils in a religious point of view.244.
IX. WITH MANY, THE ABOVE-MENTIONED ARE CAUSES OF INTERNAL COLD, BUT NOT AT THE SAME TIME OF EXTERNAL. If the causes above pointed out and confirmed, which are the causes of internal cold, produced similar external cold, as many separations would ensue as there are cases of internal cold, which are as many as there are marriages of those who are in a false or a different religion, or in no religion; respecting whom we have already treated; and yet it is well-known, that many such live together as if they mutually loved and were friendly to each other: but whence this originates, with those who are in internal cold, will be shewn in the following chapter CONCERNING THE CAUSES OF APPARENT LOVE, FRIENDSHIP, AND FAVOR IN MARRIAGES. There are several causes which conjoin minds (_animos_) but still do not conjoin souls; among these are some of those mentioned above, n. 183; but still cold lies interiorly concealed, and makes itself continually observed and felt. With such married partners the affections depart from each other; but the thoughts, while they come forth into speech and behaviour, for the sake of apparent friendship and favor, are present; therefore such persons know nothing of the pleasantness and delight, and still less of the satisfaction and blessedness of love truly conjugial, accounting them to be little else than fables. These are of the number of those who deduce the origin of conjugial love from the same causes with the nine companies of wise ones assembled from the several kingdoms of Europe; concerning whom see the MEMORABLE RELATION above, n. 103-114.245.
It may be urged as an objection to what has been proved above, that still the soul is propagated from the father although it is not conjoined to the soul of the mother, yea, although cold residing therein causes separation; but the reason why souls or offspring are nevertheless propagated is, because the understanding of the man is not closed, but is capable of being elevated into the light into which the soul is; but the love of his will is not elevated into the heat corresponding to the light there, except by the life, which makes him from natural become spiritual; hence it is, that the soul is still procreated, but, in the descent, while it becomes seed, it is veiled over by such things as belong to his natural love; from this springs hereditary evil. To these considerations I will add an arcanum from heaven, namely, that between the disjoined souls of two persons, especially of married partners, there is effected conjunction in a middle love; otherwise there would be no conception with men (_homines_). Besides what is here said of conjugial cold, and its place of abode in the supreme region of the mind, see the LAST MEMORABLE RELATION of this chapter, n. 270.246.
X. THERE ARE ALSO SEVERAL EXTERNAL CAUSES OF COLD, THE FIRST OF WHICH IS DISSIMILITUDE OF MINDS AND MANNERS. There are both internal and external similitudes and dissimilitudes. The internal arise from no other source than religion; for religion is implanted in souls, and by them is transmitted from parents to their offspring as the supreme inclination; for the soul of every man derives life from the marriage of good and truth, and from this marriage is the church; and as the church is various and different in the several parts of the world, therefore also the souls of all men are various and different; wherefore internal similitudes and dissimilitudes are from this source, and according to them the conjugial conjunctions of which we have been treating; but external similitudes and dissimilitudes are not of the souls but of minds; by minds (_animos_) we mean the affections and thence the external inclinations, which are principally insinuated after birth by education, social intercourse, and consequent habits of life; for it is usual to say, I have a mind to do this or that; which indicates an affection and inclination to it. Persuasions conceived respecting this or that kind of life also form those minds; hence come inclinations to enter into marriage even with such as are unsuitable, and likewise to refuse consent to marriage with such as are suitable; but still these marriages, after a certain time of living together, vary according to the similitudes and dissimilitudes contracted hereditarily and also by education; and dissimilitudes induce cold. So likewise dissimilitudes of manners; as for example, an ill-mannered man or woman, joined with a well-bred one; a neat man or woman, joined with a slovenly one; a litigious man or woman, joined with one that is peaceably disposed; in a word, an immoral man or woman, joined with a moral one. Marriages of such dissimilitudes are not unlike the conjunctions of different species of animals with each other, as of sheep and goats, of stags and mules, of turkeys and geese, of sparrows and the nobler kind of birds, yea, as of dogs and cats, which from their dissimilitudes do not consociate with each other, but in the human kind these dissimilitudes are indicated not by faces, but by habits of life; wherefore external colds are from this source.247.
XI. OF EXTERNAL CAUSES OF COLD THE SECOND IS, THAT CONJUGIAL LOVE IS BELIEVED TO BE THE SAME AS ADULTEROUS LOVE, ONLY THAT THE LATTER IS NOT ALLOWED BY LAW, BUT THE FORMER IS. That this is a source of cold, is obvious to reason, while it is considered that adulterous love is diametrically opposite to conjugial love; wherefore when it is believed that conjugial love is the same as adulterous, they both become alike in idea; and in such case a wife is regarded as a harlot, and marriage as uncleanness; the man himself also is an adulterer, if not in body, still in spirit. That hence ensue contempt, disdain, and aversion, between the man and his woman, and thereby intense cold, is an unavoidable consequence; for nothing stores up in itself conjugial cold more than adulterous love; and as adulterous love also passes into such cold, it may not undeservedly be called essential conjugial cold.248.
XII. OF EXTERNAL CAUSES OF COLD THE THIRD IS, A STRIVING FOR PRE-EMINENCE BETWEEN MARRIED PARTNERS. This is, because conjugial love principally respects the union of wills, and the freedom of decision thence arising; both which are ejected from the married state by a striving for pre-eminence or superiority; for this divides and tears wills into pieces, and changes the freedom of decision into servitude. During the influence of such striving, the spirit of one of the parties meditates violence against the other; if in such case their minds were laid open and viewed by spiritual sight, they would appear like two boxers engaged in combat, and regarding each other with hatred and favor alternately; with hatred while in the vehemence of striving, and with favor while in the hope of dominion, and while under the influence of lust. After one has obtained the victory over the other, this contention is withdrawn from the externals, and betakes itself into the internals of the mind, and there abides with its restlessness stored up and concealed. Hence cold ensues both to the subdued party or servant, and to the victor or dominant party. The reason why the latter also suffers cold is, because conjugial love no longer exists with them, and the privation of this love is cold; see n. 235. In the place of conjugial love succeeds heat derived from pre-eminence; but this heat is utterly discordant with conjugial heat, yet it can exteriorly resemble it by means of lust. After a tacit agreement between the parties, it appears as if conjugial love was made friendship; but the difference between conjugial and servile friendship in marriages, is like that between light and shade, between a living fire and an _ignis fatuus_, yea, like that between a well-conditioned man and one consisting only of bone and skin.249.
XIII. OF EXTERNAL CAUSES OF COLD THE FOURTH IS, A WANT OF DETERMINATION TO ANY EMPLOYMENT OR BUSINESS, WHENCE COMES WANDERING PASSION. Man (_homo_) was created for use, because use is the continent of good and truth, from the marriage of which proceeds creation, and also conjugial love, as was shewn above. By employment and business we mean every application to uses; while therefore a man is in any employment and business, or in any use, in such case his mind is limited and circumscribed as in a circle, within which it is successively arranged into a form truly human, from which as from a house he sees various concupiscences out of himself, and by sound reason within exterminates them; consequently also he exterminates the wild insanities of adulterous lust; hence it is that conjugial heat remains better and longer with such than with others. The reverse happens with those who give themselves up to sloth and ease; in such case the mind is unlimited and undetermined, and hence the man (_homo_) admits into the whole of it everything vain and ludicrous which flows in from the world and the body, and leads to the love thereof; that in this case conjugial love also is driven into banishment, is evident; for in consequence of sloth and ease the mind grows stupid and the body torpid, and the whole man becomes insensible to every vital love, especially to conjugial love, from which as from a fountain issue the activities and alacrities of life. Conjugial cold with such is different from what it is with others; it is indeed the privation of conjugial love, but arising from defect.250.
XIV. OF EXTERNAL CAUSES OF COLD THE FIFTH IS, INEQUALITY OF EXTERNAL RANK AND CONDITION. There are several inequalities of rank and condition, which while parties are living together put an end to the conjugial love which commenced before marriage; but they may all be referred to inequalities as to age, station, and wealth. That unequal ages induce cold in marriage, as in the case of a lad with an old woman, and of a young girl with a decrepit old man, needs no proof. That inequality of station has a similar effect, as in the marriage of a prince with a servant maid, or of an illustrious matron with a servant man, is also acknowledged without further proof. That the case is the same in regard to wealth, unless a similitude of minds and manners, and an application of one party to the inclinations and native desires of the other, consociate them, is evident. But in all such cases, the compliance of one party on account of the pre-eminence of station and condition of the other, effects only a servile and frigid conjunction; for the conjugial principle is not of the spirit and heart, but only nominal and of the countenance; in consequence of which the inferior party is given to boasting, and the superior blushes with shame. But in the heavens there is no inequality of age, station, or wealth; in regard to age, all there are in the flower of their youth, and continue so into eternity; in regard to station, they all respect others according to the uses which they perform. The more eminent in condition respect inferiors as brethren, neither do they prefer station to the excellence of use, but the excellence of use to station; also when maidens are given in marriage, they do not know from what ancestors they are descended; for no one in heaven knows his earthly father, but the Lord is the Father of all. The case is the same in regard to wealth, which in heaven is the faculty of growing wise, according to which a sufficiency of wealth is given. How marriages are there entered into, may be seen above, n. 229.