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Internet Book of Shadows, (Various Authors), [1999], at

       *  or  *
        How I Found Goddess
       And What I Did To Her
          When I Found Her


        Wherein Is Explained
       Absolutely Everything Worth Knowing
     About Absolutely Anything

                                 Published By:
                             LOOMPANICS UNLIMITED
                                 PO BOX 1197
                           Port Townsend, WA 98368

Transcribed to 1's and 0's by Druel the Chaotic, WPI Discordian Society
                                                 Cabal of the Unemployed


{calendar entered by /AHM/THX }


        You hold in your hands one the Great Books of our century fnord.
        Some Great Books are recognized at once with a fusilade of
critical huzzahs and gonfolons, like Joyce's ULYSSES. Others appear
almost furtively and are only discovered 50 years later, like MOBY DICK
or Mendel's great essay on genetics. The PRINCIPIA DISCORDIA entered our
space-time continuum almost as unobtrusively as a cat-burglar creeping
over a windowsill.

        In 1968, virtually nobody had heard of this wonderful book. In
1970,hundreds of people coast to coast were talking about it and asking
the identity of the mysterious author, Malaclypse the Younger. Rumors
swept across the continent, from New York to Los Angeles, from Seattle
to St. Joe. Malaclypse was actually Alan Watts, one heard. No,said
another legend -- the PRINCIPIA was actually the work of the Sufi Order.
A third, very intriguing myth held that Malaclypse was a pen-name for
Richard M. Nixon, who had allegedly composed the PRINCIPIA during a few
moments of lucidity. I enjoyed each of these yarns and did my part to
help spread them. I was also careful never to contradict the occasional
rumors that I had actually written the whole thing myself during an acid

        The legendry, the mystery, the cult grew slowly. By the
mid-1970's, thousands of people, some as far off as Hong Kong and
Australia, were talking about the PRINCIPIA, and since the original was
out of print by then, xerox copies were beginning to circulate here and

     When the ILLUMINATUS trilogy appeared in 1975, my co-author, Bob
Shea, and I both received hundreds of letters from people intrigued by
the quotes from the PRINCIPIA with which we had decorated the heads of
several chapters. Many, who had already heard of the PRINCIPIA or seen
copies, asked if Shea and I had written it, or if we had copies
available. Others wrote to ask if it were real, or just something we had
invented the way H.P. Lovecraft invented the NECRONOMICON. We answered
according to our moods, sometimes telling the truth, sometimes spreading
the most Godawful lies and myths we could devise fnord.

        Why not? We felt that this book was a true Classic (literatus
immortalis) and, since the alleged intelligentsia had not yet
discovered it, the best way to keep its legend alive was to encourage
the mythology and the controversy about it. Increasingly, people wrote
to ask  me if Timothy Leary had written it, and I almost always told
them he had, except on Fridays whem I am more whimsical, in which case
I told them it had been transmitted by a canine intellgence --
vast,cool,and unsympathic -- from the Dog Star, Sirius.

        Now, at last, the truth can be told.

     Actually, the PRINCIPIA is the work of a time-travelling
anthropologist from the 23rd Century. He is currently passing among us
as a computer specialist, bon vivant and philosopher named Gregory
Hill. He has also translated several volumes of Etruscan erotic
poetry, under another pen-name, and in the 18th Century was the
mysterious Man in Black who gave Jefferson the design for the Great
Seal of the United States.

     I have it on good authority that he is one of the most
accomplished time-travelers in the galaxy and has visited Earth many
times in the past,using such cover-identities as Zeno of Elias,
Emperor Norton, Count Cagliostro, Guilliame of Aquaitaine, etc.
Whenever I question him about this, he grows very evasive and attempts
to persuade me that he is actually just another 20th Century Earthman
and that all my ideas about his extraterrrestrial and extratemporal
origin and delusions. Hah! I am not that easily deceived. After all, a
time-travelling anthropologist would say just that, so that he could
observe us without his presense causing cultureshock.
     I understand that he has consented to write an Afterward to this
edition. He'll probably contradict everything I've told you, but don't
believe a word he says fnord. He is a master of the deadpan put-on, the
plausible satire, the philosophical leg-pull and all the branches of
guerilla ontology.

     For full benefit to the Head, this book should be read in conjunc-
tion with THE ILLUMINOIDS by Neal Wilgus (Sun Press, Albuquerque, NM)
and ZEN WITHOUT ZEN MASTERS by Camden Benares (And/Or Press, Berkeley,
California). "We are operating on many levels here", as Ken Kesey used
to say.

     In conclusion, there is no conclusion. Things go on as they always
have, getting weirder all the time.

        Hail Eris. All hail Discordia. Fnord?

        -Robert Anton Wilson
        International Arms and Hashish Inc.

        Darra Bazar, Kohat

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~A jug of wine,
A leg of lamb
And thou!
Beside me,
Whistling in 
the darkness.

Be Ye Not Lost Among Precepts of Order...
  - The Book of Uterus 1;5

Some excerpts from an interview with Malaclypse the Younger by THE

GREATER POOP:Are you really serious or what?
MAL-2: Sometimes I take humor seriously. Sometimes I take seriousness
humorously. Either way it is irrelevant.

GP: Maybe you are just crazy.
M2: Indeed! But do not reject these teaching as false because I am
crazy. The reason that I am crazy is because they are true.

GP: Is Eris true?
M2: Everything is true.
GP: Even false things?
M2: Even false things are true.
GP: How can that be?
M2: I don't know man, I didn't do it.

GP: Why do you deal with so many negatives?
M2: To dissolve them.
GP: Will you develop that point?
M2: No.

GP: Is there an essential meaning behind POEE?
M2: There is a Zen Story about a student who asked a Master to explain
meaning of Buddhism. The Master's reply was "Three pounds of flax."
GP: Is that the answer to my question?
M2: No, of course not. That is just illustrative. The answer to your


                            SUSPENDED ANNIHILATION

                                                ODD# II/2,xii;68Chs3136

                         Principia Discordia
               How I Found Goddess & What I Did To Her
                           When I found Her
                  being a Beginning Introduction to
                        The Erisian Mysterees
                      Which is Most Interesting
                       as Divinely Revealed to
            My High Reverence MALACLYPSE THE YOUNGER, KSC
            Omnibenevolent Polyfather of Virginity in Gold
                          and HIGH PRIEST of
                    Dedicated to The Prettiest One
                   The Upstart of one hand clapping

                       - JOSHUA NORTON CABAL -
   Surrealists, Harlequinists, Absurdists and Zonked Artists Melee

is one manifestation of
about which
you will learn more
and understand

are a tribe
of philosophers, theologians,
magicians, scientists,
artists, clowns,
and similar maniacs
who are intrigued
and with



I Tell You: One must 
still have chaos in one
 to give birth to a
 dancing star! 


The PENTABARF was discovered by the hermit Apostle Zarathud in the Fifth
Year of The Caterpillar. He found them carved in gilded stone, while
building a sun deck for his cave, but their import was lost for they
were written in a mysterious cypher. However, after 10 weeks & 11 hours
of intensive scrutiny he discerned that the message could be read by
standing on his head and viewing it upside down.

                         KNOW YE THIS O MAN OF FAITH!

I - There is no Goddess but Goddess and She is Your Goddess. There is no
Erisian Movement but The Erisian Movement and it is The Erisian
Movement. And every Golden Apple Corps is the beloved home of a Golden

II - A Discordian Shall Always use the Official Discordian Document
Numbering System.

III - A Discordian is Required during his early Illumination to Go Off
Alone & Partake Joyously of a Hot Dog on a Friday; this Devotive
Ceremony to Remonstrate against the popular Paganisms of the Day: of
Catholic Christendom (no meat on Friday), of Judaism (no meat of Pork),
of Hindic Peoples (no meat of Beef), of Buddhists (no meat of animal),
and of Discordians (no Hot Dog Buns).

IV - A Discordian shall Partake of No Hot Dog Buns, for Such was the
Solace of Our Goddess when She was Confronted with The Original Snub.

V - A Discordian is Prohibited of Believing What he reads.


Test Question from Topanga Cabal The Twelve Famous Buddha Minds School:
If they are our brothers, how come we can't eat them?



by Camden Benares, The Count of Five
Headmaster, Camp Meeker Cabal

A serious young man found the conflicts of mid 20th Century America
confusing.  He went to many people seeking a way of resolving within
himself the discords that troubled him, but he remained troubled.  One
night in a coffee house, a self-ordained Zen Master said to him, "go to
the dilapidated mansion you will find at this address which I have
written down for you. Do not speak to those who live there; you must
remain silent until the moon rises tomorrow night. Go to the large room
on the right of the main hallway, sit in the lotus position on top of

the rubble in the northeast corner, face the corner, and meditate."

     He did just as the Zen Master instructed. His meditation was fre-
quently interrupted by worries. He worried whether or not the rest of
the plumbing fixtures would fall from the second floor bathroom to join
the pipes and other trash he was sitting on. He worried how would he
know when the moon rose on the next night. He worried about what the
people who walked through the room said about him.

     His worrying and meditation were disturbed when, as if in a test of
his faith, ordure fell from the second floor onto him. At that time two
people walked into the room. The first asked the second who the man
was sitting there was. The second replied "Some say he is a holy man.
Others say he is a shithead."

     Hearing this, the man was enlightened.  

Western Union Telegram

To: Jehova Yahweh
Care: Celestial Hotel (Suite #666)
Presidential Tier, Paradise

Dear God;
This is to inform you that your current position as diety is herewith
terminated due to gross incompetence STOP  Your check will be mailed
Please do not use me for a reference

                Malaclypse the Younger/Omnibenevolent Polyfather
                POEE High Priest


10. The Earth quakes and the heavens rattle; the beasts of nature flock
together and the nations of men flock apart; volcanoes usher up heat
elsewhere water becomes ice and melts; and then on other days it just
11. Indeed do many things come to pass.
        HBT; The Book of Predictions, Chap. 19

                   -  THE BIRTH OF THE ERISIAN MOVEMENT -

        Just prior to the decade of the nineteen-sixties, when Sputnik
was alone and new, and about the time that Ken Kesey took his first acid
trip as a medical volunteer; before underground newspapers, Viet Nam,
and talk of a second American Revolution; in the comparative quiet of
the late nineteen-fifties, just before the idea of RENAISSANCE became

     Two young Californians, known later as Omar Ravenhurst and
Malaclypse the Younger, were indulging in their habit of sipping coffee
at an allnight bowling alley and generally solving the world's problems.
This particular evening the main subject of discussion was discord and

they were complaining to each other of the personal confusion they felt
in their respective lives. "Solve the problem of discord," said one,
"and all other problems will vanish." "Indeed," said the other, "chaos
and strife are the roots of all confusion."

                         FIRST I MUST SPRINKLE YOU
                              WITH FAIRY DUST

Suddenly the place became devoid of light. Then an utter silence
enveloped them, and a great stillness was felt. Then came a blinding
flash of intense light, as though their very psyches had gone nova. Then
vision returned.

        The two were dazed and neither moved nor spoke for several
minutes.  They looked around and saw that the bowlers were frozen like
statues in a variety of comic positions, and that a bowling ball was
steadfastly anchored to the floor only inches from the pins that it had
been sent to scatter. The two looked at each other, totally unable to
account for the phenomenon. The condition was one of suspension, and one
noticed that the clock had stopped.

There walked into the room a chimpanzee, shaggy and grey about the
muzzle, yet upright to his full five feet, and poised with natural
majesty. He carried a scroll and walked to the young men.

"Gentlemen," he said, "why does Pickering's Moon go about in reverse
orbit?  Gentlemen, there are nipples on your chests; do you give milk?
And what, pray tell, Gentlemen, is to be done about Heisenberg's Law?"

And with that he revealed his scroll. It was a diagram, like a yin-yang
with a pentagon on one side and an apple on the other. And then he
exploded and the two lost consciousness.


        They awoke to the sound of pins clattering, and found the
bowlers engaged in their game and the waitress busy with making coffee.
It was apparant that their experience had been private.
        They discussed their strange encounter and reconstructed from
memory the chimpanzee's diagram. Over the next five days they searched
libraries to find the significance of it, but were disappointed to
uncover only references to Taoism, the Korean flag, and Technocracy. It
was not until they traced the Greek writing on the apple that they
discovered the ancient Goddess known to the Greeks as ERIS and to the
Romans as DISCORDIA. This was on the fifth night, and when they slept
that night each had a vivid dream of a splendid woman whose eyes were as
soft as feather and as deep as eternity itself, and whose body was the
spectacular dance of atoms and universes.  Pyrotechnics of pure energy
formed her flowing hair, and rainbows manifested and dissolved as she
spoke in a warm and gentle voice:

I have come to tell you that you are free. Many ages ago, My conscious-
ness left man, that he might develop himself. I return to find this
development approaching completion, but hindered by fear and by 

misunderstanding.  You have built for yourselves psychic suits of armor,
and clad in them, your vision is restricted, your movements are clumsy
and painful, your skin is bruised, and your spirit is broiled in the
sun.  I am chaos. I am the substance from which your artists and
scientists build rhythms. I am the spirit with which your children and
clowns laugh in happy anarchy. I am chaos. I am alive, and I tell you
that you are free.

     During the next months they studied philosophies and theologies,
and learned that ERIS or DISCORDIA was primarily feared by the ancients
as being disruptive. Indeed, the very concept of chaos was still
considered equivalent to strife and treated as a negative. "No wonder
things are all screwed up," they concluded, "they have got it all
backwards." They found that the principle of disorder was every much as
significant as the principle of order.

        With this in mind, they studied the strange yin-yang. During a
meditation one afternoon, a voice came to them:

It is called THE SACRED CHAO. I appoint you Keepers of It. Therein you
will find anything you like. Speak of Me as DISCORD, to show contrast to
the pentagon. Tell constricted mankind that there are no rules, unless
they choose to invent rules. Keep close the words of Syadasti: 'TIS AN
ILL WIND THAT BLOWS NO MINDS. And remember that there is no tyranny in
the State of Confusion. For further information, consult your pineal

        "What is this?" mumbled one to the other, "A religion based on
The Goddess of Confusion? It is utter madness!"

     And with those words, each looked at the other in absolute awe.
Omar began to giggle. Mal began to laugh. Omar began to jump up and
down. Mal was hooting and hollering to beat all hell. And amid squeals
of mirth and with tears on their cheeks, each appointed the other to be
high priest of his own madness, and together they declared themselves to
be a society of Discordia, for what ever that may turn out to be.

"There are trivial truths & there are great truths. The opposite of a
trivial truth is plainly false. The opposite of a great truth is also
                                        -Neils Bohr

"Did you know that there is a million bucks hidden in the house next
"But there is no house next door."
"No? Then let's go build one!"

Fnord Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnord,
Fnord, Fnord, Fnord,  Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnord, Fnord,
Fnord, Fnord

Momomoto, Famous Japanese, can swallow his nose.



                            St. Trinian's
                      SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL POLICE
                            Sewing Circle

                                     by Lord Omar

Mine brain has meditated on the spinning of The Chao;
It is hovering o'er the table where the Chiefs of Staff are now
Gathered in discussion of the dropping of The Bomb;
Her Apple Corps is strong!

Grand (and gory) Old Discordja!
Grand (and gory) Old Discordja!
Grand (and gory) Old Discordja!
Her Apple Corps is strong!

She was not invited to the party that they held on Limbo Peak;*
So She threw a Golden Apple, 'sted of turn'd t'other cheek!
O it cracked the Holy Punchbowl and it made the nectar leak;
Her Apple Corps is strong!

* "Limbo Peak" refers to Old Limbo Peak, commonly called by the Greeks
"Ol' Limb' Peak."

If a quixotic socrates studied zen under Zorba...?

"The tide is turning... the enemy is suffering terrible losses"
                                        -Gen. Geo. A. Custer

                                            People in a Position to
Know, Inc.


Mal-2 was once asked by one of his Disciples if he often prayed to Eris.
He replied with these words:

No, we Erisians seldom pray, it is much too dangerous. Charles Fort has
listed many factual incidences of ignorant people confronted with, say,
a drought, and then praying fervently -- and then getting the entire
village wiped out in a torrential flood.

"Of course I'm crazy, but that doesn't mean I'm wrong. I'm mad but not
                        (Werewolf Bridge, Robert Anton Wison)


14. Wipe thine ass with what is written and grin like a ninny at what is
Spoken. Take thine refuge with thine wine in the Nothing behind
Everything, as you hurry along the Path.
        HBT; The Book of Predictions, Chap. 19

Heaven is down. Hell is up.
This is proven by the fact 
that the planets and stars 
are orderly in their
movements,                                      IGNOTUM PER IGNOTIUS
while down on earth                     The meaning of this is unknown
we come close to the 
primal chaos.
There are four other
but I forget them.

        -Josh the Dill
         King Kong Kabal


The Classical Greeks were not influenced by the Classical Greeks.  
                       DO NOT CIRCULATE!

                     What We Know About ERIS  (not much)

The Romans left a likeness of Her for posterity-- She was shown as a
grotesque woman with a pale and ghastly look, Her eyes afire, Her
garment ripped and torn, and women look pale and ghastly when concealing
a chilly dagger in their bosoms.

Her geneology is from the Greeks and is utterly confused. Either She was
the twin of Ares and the daughter of Zeus and Hera; or She was the
daughter of Nyx, goddess of night (who was either the daughter or wife
of Chaos, or both), and Nyx's brother, Erebus, and whose brothers and
sisters include Death, Doom, Mockery, and Friendship. And that She begat
Forgetfullness, Quarrels, Lies, and a bunch of gods and goddesses like

One day Mal-2 consulted his Pineal Gland* and asked Eris if She really
created all of those terrible things. She told him that She had always
liked the Old Greeks, but that they cannot be trusted with historic mat-
ters. "They were," She added, "victims of indigestion, you know."

Suffice it to say that Eris is not hateful or malicious. But She is
mischievous, and does get a little bitchy at times.

*THE PINEAL GLAND is where each and every one of us can talk to Eris. If
youhave trouble activating your Pineal, then try the appendix which does
almost as well. Reference: DOGMA I, METAPHYSICS #3, "The Indoctrine of

the Pineal Gland" 

                                DIRUIT AEDIFICAT MUTAT QUADRATA ROTUNDUS


                              THE INSIDE STORY!

       The Law of Fives

        the Law of Fives is one of the oldest Erisian Mysterees. It was
first revealed to Good Lord Omar and is one of the great contributions
to come from The Hidden Temple of The Happy Jesus.

     POEE subscribes to the Law of Fives of Omar's sect. And POEE also
recognizes the holy 23 (2+3=5) that is incorporated by Episkopos Dr.
Mordecai Malignatus, KNS, into his Discordian sect, The Ancient Il-
luminated Seers of Bavaria. 

     The Law of Fives states simply that: ALL THINGS HAPPEN IN FIVES, OR

        The Law of Fives is never wrong.

     In the Erisian Archives is an old memo from Omar to Mal-2: "I find
the Law of Fives to be more and more manifest the harder I look."

    Please do not use this document as toilet tissue

        The Nagas of Upper Burma say that the sun
        shines by day because, being a woman, it
        is afraid to venture out at night.
"You will find that the State is the kind of ORGANIZATION which, though
it does big things badly, does small things badly too."
                                        - John Kenneth Galbraith

                      THE MYTH OF THE APPLE OF DISCORD
     It seems that Zeus was preparing a wedding banquet for Peleus and
Thetis and did not want to invite Eris because of Her reputation as a
trouble maker.*

     This made Eris angry, and so She fashioned an apple of pure gold**
and inscribed upon it KALLISTI ("To The Prettiest One") and on the day
of the fete She rolled it into the banquet hall and then left to be
alone and joyously partake of a hot dog.

     Now, three of the invited goddesses,*** Athena, Hera, and Aphro-
dite, each immediately claimed it to belong to herself because of the
inscription.  And they started fighting, and they started throwing punch
all over the place and everything.

     Finally Zeus calmed things down and declared that an arbitrator
must be selected, which was a reasonable suggestion, and all agreed. He
sent them to a shepherd of Troy, whose name was Paris because his mother
had had a lot of gaul and had married a Frenchman; but each of the
sneaky goddesses tried to outwit the others by going early and offering
a bribe to Paris.
        Athena offered him Heroic War Victories, Hera offered him Great
Wealth, and Aphrodite offered him the Most Beautiful Woman on Earth.
Being a healthy young Trojan lad, Paris promptly accepted Aphrodite's
bribe and she got the apple and he got screwed.

     As she had promised, she maneuvered earthly happenings so that
Pariscould have Helen (The Helen) then living with her husband Mene-
laus,King of Sparta. Anyway, everyone knows that the Trojan War followed
when Sparta demanded their Queen back and that the Trojan War is said to
be The First War among men.

     And so we suffer because of the Original Snub. And so a Discordian
is to partake of No Hot Dog Buns.   Do you believe that?
** There is historic disagreement concerning whether this apple was of
metalic gold or acapulco.
*** Actually there were five goddesses, but the Greeks did not know the
Law of Fives.

                                 DIED FOR
                                 YOUR SINS

                                                        Ho Chi Zen
                                                        King Cong

5. An Age of Confusion, or an Ancient Age, is one in which History As We
Know It begins to unfold, in which Whatever Is Coming emerges in
Corporal Form, more or less, and such times are Ages of Balanced
Unbalance, or Unbalanced Balance.

6. An Age of Bureaucracy is an Imperial Age in which Things Mature, in
which Confusion becomes entrenched and during which Balanced Balance,or
Stagnation, is attained.

7. An Age of Disorder or an Aftermath is an Apocalyptic Period of
Transition back to Chaos through the Screen of Oblivion into which the
Age passeth, finally. These are Ages of Unbalanced Unbalance.
                HBT; The Book of Uterus, Chap. 3

Do You Remember?
1. Polite children will always remember that a church is the ______ of


An Erisian Hymn
        by Rev. Dr. Mungojerry Grindlebone, KOB
             Episkopos, THE RAYVILLE APPLE PANTHERS

Onwards Christian Soldiers,
Onwards Buddhist Priests.
Onward, Fruits of Islam,
Fight till you're deceased.
Fight your little battles.
Join in thickest fray;
For the Greater Glory,
of Dis-cord-i-a.
Yah, yah, yah,
Yah, yah, yah, yah.

Mr. Momomoto, famous Japanese who can swallow his nose,has been
exposed. It was recently revealed that it was Mr. Momomoto's brother who
has been doing all this nose swallowing.

                                        Heute Die Welt
                                        Morgens das Sonnensystem!

                        Abbey of the Barbarous Relic
Official Proclamation -- ODD# III(b)/4,i;18Aft3135


V) The House of Apostle of ERIS
   For the Eristocracy and the Cabalablia

   A. The Five Apostles of ERIS
   B. The Golden Apple Corps (KSC)
   C. Episkoposes of The Discordian Society
   D. POEE Cabal Priests
   E. Saints, Erisian Avatars, and Like Personages

IV) The House of the Rising Podge
    for the Disciples of Discordia

   A. Office of My High Reverence, The Polyfather
   B. Council of POEE Priests
   D. Eristic Avatars
   E. Aneristic Avatars

III) The House of the Rising Hodge
     For the Bureaucracy

   A. the Bureau of Erisian Archives
   B. the Bureau of The POEE Epistolary, and The Division of Dogmas
   C. The Bureau of Symbols,Emblems, Certificates and Such
   D. The Bureau of Eristic Affairs, and The Administry for The
Unenlightened  Eristic Horde

   E. The Bureau of Aneristic Affairs, and the Administry for the Orders
of Discordia

II) The House of the Rising Collapse
   For the Encouragement of Liberation of Freedom, and/or the Dis-
couragement of the Immanentizing of the Eschaton

   A. The Breeze of Wisdom      and/or  The Wind of Insanity
   B. The Breeze of Integrity   and/or  The Wind of Arrogance
   C. The Breeze of Beauty      and/or  The Wind of Outrages
   D. The Breeze of Love        and/or  The Wind of Bombast
   E. The Breeze of Laughter    and/or  The Wind of Bullshit

I) The Out House
   For what is left over

   A. Miscellaneous Avatars
   B. The Fifth Column
   C. POEE =POPES= everywhere
   D. Drawer "O" for OUT OF FILE
   E. Lost Documents and Forgotten Truths

                        -><-  OFFICIAL - POEE
                              Head Temple, San Francisco
                              HOUSE OF THE RISING PODGE
                              Bureau of The POEE Epistolary

                     = THE FIVE FINGERED HAND OF ERIS =

The official symbol of POEE is here illustrated. It may be this, or any
POINT. It may be vertical, horizontal, or else such, and it may be
elaborated or simplified as desired.

The esoteric name for this symbol is THE FIVE FINGERED HAND OF ERIS,
commonly shortened to THE HAND.

NOTE: In the lore of western magic, the // is taken to symbolize horns,
especially the horns of Satan or of diabolical beasties. The Five
Fingered Hand of Eris, however, is not intended to be taken as satanic,
for the "horns" are supported by another set, of inverted "horns". Or
maybe it is walrus tusks. I don't know what it is, to tell the truth.

        "Surrealism aims at the total transformation of the mind
        and all that resembles it"
                               -><- POEE -><-

POEE (pronounced "POEE") is an acronym for The PARATHEO-ANAMETAMYSTIKHO-
OD OF ERIS ESOTERIC. The first part can be taken to mean "equivalent
deity,reversity beyond-mystique." We are not really esoteric, it's just
that nobody pays much attention to us.

Priest of POEE, and POEE is grounded in his episkopotic revelations of
The Goddess. He is called [The Omnibenevolent Polyfather of Virginity in

The POEE HEAD TEMPLE is the Joshua Norton Cabal of The Discordian
Society, which is located in Mal-2's pineal gland and can be found by
temporally and spacially locating the rest of Mal-2.

POEE has no treasury, no by-laws, no articles, no guides save Mal-2's
pineal gland, and has only one scruple-- which Mal-2 keeps on his key

POEE has not registered,incorporated, or otherwise chartered with the
State, and so the State does not recognize POEE or POEE Ordinations,
which is only fair, because POEE does not recognize the State.

        There is the neophyte, or LEGIONNAIRE DISCIPLE.
        The LEGIONNAIRE DEACON, who is catching on.
        The HIGH PRIEST, the Polyfather.
        And POEE =POPE=.

POEE LEGIONNAIRE DISCIPLES are authorized to initiate others as
Discordian Society Legionnaires. PRIESTS appoint their own DEACONS. The
POLYFATHER ordains priests. I don't know about the =POPES=.

" This book is a mirror. When a monkey looks in, no apostle looks out."


                      Application For Membership
           In the Erisian movement of the DISCORDIA SOCIETY

1. Today's date                         Yesterday's Date

2. Purpose of this application: --membership in : a. Legion of Dynamic
   b. POEE  c. Bavarian Illuminati d. All of the Above  e. None of the
   f. Other-- BE SPECIFIC!

3. Name_________________________                Holy Name_____________ 
         (If temporary, also give an address from which mail can be

4. Description: Born: []Yes []No   Eyes:[]2 []other     Height:

   ..... fl. oz.   Last time you had a haircut:         Reason:

   Race: []horse []human      I.Q.: 150-200  200-250  250-300  over 300

5. History: Education - highest grade completed 1 2 3 4 5 6 over 6th
   Professional: On another ream of paper list every job since 1937 from

which    you have been fired. Medical: On a separate sheet labeled
"confidential" list all major psychic psychotic episodes experienced
within the last 24   hours   

6. Sneaky Questions to establish personality traits 
   I would rather a. live in an outhouse b. play in a rock group c. eat
   caterpillars.  I wear obscene tattoos because ..........
   I have ceased raping little children []yes []no -- reason .......... 

7. Self Portrait

Rev. Mungo
For Office Use Only -- acc. rej. burned

                                                LICK HERE!!!

                                                (You may be one
                                                 of the lucky 25)



POEE & It's Priests

If you like Erisianism as it is presented according to Mal-2, then you
may wish to form your own POEE CABAL as a POEE PRIEST and you can go do
a bunch of POEE Priestly Things. A "POEE Cabal" is exactly what you
think it is.

The High Priest makes no demands on his Priests, though he does rather
expect good will of them. The Office of The Polyfather is point, not to
teach. Once in a while, he even listens.

Should you find that your own revelations of The Goddess become
substantially different that the revelations of Mal-2, then perhaps the
Goddess has plans for you as an Episkopos, and you might consider
creating your own sect from scratch, unhindered. Episkoposes are not
competing with each other, and they are all POEE priests anyway (as soon
as I locate them). The point is that Episkoposes are developing separate
paths to the Erisian mountain top. See the section "Discordian Society"


There are no particular qualifications for Ordination because if you
want to be a POEE Priest then you must undoubtedly qualify. Who could
possibly know better than you whether or not you should be Ordained?

An ORDAINED POEE PRIEST or PRIESTESS is defined as "one who holds an
Ordination Certificate from the Office of the Polyfather."

        Seek into the Chao if thou wouldst be wise
        And find ye delight in Her Great Surprise!
        Look into the Chao if thou wantest to know
        What's in a Chao and why it ain't so!
          (HBT; The Book of Advise, 1:1)

                      World Council of Churches Boutique

Note to POEE Priests:

The Polyfather wishes to remind all Erisians the POEE was conceived not
as a commercial enterprise, and that you are requested to keep your cool
when seeking funds for POEE Cabals or when spreading the POEE Word via
the market place.

The Hidden stone ripens fast,
then laid bare like a turnip
can easily be cut out at last
but even then the danger isn't past.
That man lives best who's fain
to live half mad, half sane.
        -Flemish Poet Jan Van 
         Stijevoort, 1524.

                           The Erisian Affirmation

BEFORE THE GODDESS ERIS, I (name or holyname), do herewith declare

the presiding POEE Official (if any) responds:


find the goddess Eris                           To Diverse Gods 
Within your Pineal Gland                        Do Mortals bow;
      POEE                                      Holy Cow, and
                                                Wholly Chao
                                                -Rev. Dr. Grindlebone
                                                 Monroe Cabal

"common sense is what tells you that the world is flat."

This is St. Gulik. He is the Messenger of the Goddess. A different age
from ours called him Hermes. Many people called him by many names. He is
a Roach.



                          Legion of Dynamic Discord


       RECOGNIZE that the -- DISCORDIAN SOCIETY -- doth hereby certify

                               As a Legionnaire

                                                Glory to We Children of
                                                  Presented under the
                                                  of our Lady of
Discord, ERIS
                                                  by the House of the
                                                  of ERIS.

                          HOW TO START A POEE CABAL

If you can't find the Polyfather, or having found him, don't want
anything to do with him, you are still authorized to form your own POEE
CABAL and do Priestly Things, using the Principia Discordia as a guide.
Your Official Rank will be POEE CHAPLIN for the LEGION OF DYNAMIC
DISCORD, which is exactly the same as a POEE PRIEST except that you
don't have an Ordination Certificate.  The words you are now reading are
your ordination.


1. Write the ERISIAN AFFIRMATION in five copies.
2. Sign and nose-print each copy.
3. Send one to the President of the United States.
4. Send one to
        The California State Bureau of Furniture and Bedding
        1021 'D' Street, Sacramento CA 94814
5. Nail one to a telephone pole. Hide one. And burn the other.
Then consult your pineal gland.

General License was Sgt. Pepper's Commander

                            ~~ OLD POEE SLOGAN ~~
                           When in Doubt, Fuck it.
                      When not in Doubt... get in Doubt!

Trip 5!


                         = The POEE Baptismal Rite =
 This Mysteree Rite is not required for initiation, but it is offered by
many POEE Priests to proselytes who desire a formal ceremony.

1) The Priests and four Brothers are arranged in a pentagon with the
Initiate in the center facing the Priests. If possible, the Brothers on
the immediate right and left of the Priest should be Deacons. The
Initiate must be totally naked, to demonstrate that he is truly a human
being and not something else in disguise like a cabbage or something.

2) All persons in the audience and the pentagon, excepting the Priest,
assume a squatting position and return to a standing position. This is
repeated four more times. This dance is symbolic of the humility of we

3) The Priest begins:
   I, (complete Holy Name, with Mystical Titles, and degrees, designa-
tions, offices, &tc.), Ordained Priest of the Paratheo-anametamystikhood
of Eris Esoteric, with the Authority invested at me by the High Priest
of It, Office of the Polyfather, The House of the Rising Podge, POEE
Head Temple; Do herewith Require of Ye:

Initiate answers YES.
answers YES.
MOVEMENT? The Initiate answers PROBABLY.
(The Priest here leads the Initiate in a recital of THE ERISIAN
The Priest continues: THEN I DO HERE PROCLAIM YE POEE DISCIPLE (name),

4) All present rejoice grandly. The new Brother opens a large jug of
wine and offers it to all who are present.

5) The Ceremony generally degenerates.

Mord says that Omar says that we are all unicorns anyway.

                                            DO NOT PULL ON YELLOW TIP

3. And though Omar did bid of the Collector of Garbage, in words that
were both sweet and bitter, to surrender back the cigar box containing
the cards designated by the Angel as The Honest Book of Truth, the
Collector was to him as one who might be smitten deaf, saying only:
'Gainst the rules, y' know.

        HBT; The Book of Explanations, Chap 2

                                                1. Harry Houdini
                                                2. Swing Music
                                                3. Pretzels
                                                4. 8 months
                                                5. Testy Culbert
                                                6. It protrudes.
                                                7. No vocal cords

                            THE POEE MYSTEREE OATH        G3400
The Initiate swears the following:                         DMTS
        FLYING BABY SHIT!!!!!

(Brothers of the Ancient Illuminated Seers of Bavaria sect may wish to
substitute the German:
or perhaps
which is Ewige Blumenkraft in Polish.)


Corrections to last week's copy: Johnny Sample is offensive cornerback
for the New York Jets, not fullback as stated. Bobby Tolan's name is not
Randy, but mud. All power to the people, and ban the fucking bomb.

                                          "This statement is false"
                                                   (courtesy of POEE)
                         NO TWO EQUALS ARE THE SAME!

                            THE DISCORDIAN SOCIETY

The Discordian Society has no definition.

I sometimes think of it as a disorganization of Eris Freaks. It has been
called a guerrilla mind theatre. Episkopos Randomfactor, Director of
Purges of Our People's Underworld Movement sect in Larchmont, prefers
"The World's Greatest Association of What-ever-it-is-that-we-are." Lady
Mal thinks of it as a RENAISSANCE THINK TANK. Fang the Unwashed, WKC,
won't say. You can think of it any way you like.

is one who prefers total autonomy, and creates his own Discordian sect
as The Goddess directs him. He speaks for himself and for those that say
that they like what he says.

A Discordian Society Legionnaire is one who prefers not to create his
own sect. 

If you want in on the Discordian Society then declare yourself what you
wish do what you like and tell us about it or if you prefer don't.

There are no rules anywhere.            Some Episkoposes
The Goddess Prevails.                   have a one-man cabal.
                                        Some work together.
                                        Some never do explain.

When I get to the bottom I go back to the top
of the slide where I stop and I turn and I go
for a ride, then I get to the bottom and I see
you again! Helter Skelter!
                        -John Lennon

"Everybody I know who is right always agrees with ME" -Rev Lady Mal


The Golden Apple Corps* is an honorary position for the Keepers of The
Sacred Chao, so that they can put "KSC" after their names.

It says little,
does less,

* Not to be confused with The Apple Corps Ltd. of those four singers. We
thought of it first.

                            - The Numeral V sign -
Used by Old Roman Discordians, Illuminatus Churchill, and innocent
Hippies everywhere.


   1) Chaos - Patron Apostle Hung Mung
   2) Discord - Patron Apostle Dr. Van Van Mojo
   3) Confusion - Patron Apostle Sri Syadasti
   4) Bureaucracy - Patron Apostle Zarathud
   5) The Aftermath - Patron Apostle The Elder Malaclypse

Days of the Week*                 * The DAYS OF THE WEEK
   1) Sweetmorn                   are named from the five Basic
   2) Boomtime                 SWEET, BOOM, PUNGENT, PRICKLE, and ORANGE
   3) Pungenday
   4) Prickle-Prickle
   5) Setting Orange



A) APOSTLE HOLYDAYS                             B) SEASON HOLYDAYS
   1) Mungday                                      1) Chaoflux
   2) Mojoday                                      2) Discoflux
   3) Syaday                                       3) Confuflux
   4) Zaraday                                      4) Bureflux
   5) Maladay                                      5) Afflux
Each occurs on the 5th                          Each occurs on the 50th
day of the Season                               day of each Season

C) ST. TIB'S DAY - occurs once every 4 years (1+4=5) and is inserted
between the 59th and 60th days of the Season of Chaos

                    SM BT PD PP SO                          SM BT PD PP SO
                    -- -- -- -- --                          -- -- -- -- --
Jan  1  2  3  4  5   1  2  3  4  5 Chs  Jul  5  6  7  8  9  40 41 42 43 44
     6  7  8  9 10   6  7  8  9 10          10 11 12 13 14  45 46 47 48 49  
    11 12 13 14 15  11 12 13 14 15          15 16 17 18 19  50 51 52 53 54  
    16 17 18 19 20  16 17 18 19 20          20 21 22 23 24  55 56 57 58 59  
    21 22 23 24 25  21 22 23 24 25          25 26 27 28 29  60 61 62 63 64  
    26 27 28 29 30  26 27 28 29 30          30 31  1  2  3  65 66 67 68 69  
    31  1  2  3  4  31 32 33 34 35      Aug  4  5  6  7  8  70 71 72 73  1
Feb  5  6  7  8  9  36 37 38 39 40           9 10 11 12 13   2  3  4  5  6  
    10 11 12 13 14  41 42 43 44 45          14 15 16 17 18   7  8  9 10 11  
    15 16 17 18 19  46 47 48 49 50          19 20 21 22 23  12 13 14 15 16  
    20 21 22 23 24  51 52 53 54 55          24 25 26 27 28  17 18 19 20 21  
    25 26 27 28* 1  56 57 58 59 60          29 30 31  1  2  22 23 24 25 26  
Mar  2  3  4  5  6  61 62 63 64 65      Sep  3  4  5  6  7  27 28 29 30 31  
     7  8  9 10 11  66 67 68 69 70           8  9 10 11 12  32 33 34 35 36  
    12 13 14 15 16  71 72 73  1  2 Dsc      13 14 15 16 17  37 38 39 40 41  
    17 18 19 20 21   3  4  5  6  7          18 19 20 21 22  42 43 44 45 46  
    22 23 24 25 26   8  9 10 11 12          23 24 25 26 27  47 48 49 50 51  
    27 28 29 30 31  13 14 15 16 17          28 29 30  1  2  52 53 54 55 56  

Apr  1  2  3  4  5  18 19 20 21 22      Oct  3  4  5  6  7  57 58 59 60 61  
     6  7  8  9 10  23 24 25 26 27           8  9 10 11 12  62 63 64 65 66  
    11 12 13 14 15  28 29 30 31 32          13 14 15 16 17  67 68 69 70 71  
    16 17 18 19 20  33 34 35 36 37          18 19 20 21 22  72 73  1  2  3
    21 22 23 24 25  38 39 40 41 42          23 24 25 26 27   4  5  6  7  8  
    26 27 28 29 30  43 44 45 46 47          28 29 30 31  1   9 10 11 12 13  
May  1  2  3  4  5  48 49 50 51 52      Nov  2  3  4  5  6  14 15 16 17 18  
     6  7  8  9 10  53 54 55 56 57           7  8  9 10 11  19 20 21 22 23  
    11 12 13 14 15  58 59 60 61 62          12 13 14 15 16  24 25 26 27 28  
    16 17 18 19 20  63 64 65 66 67          17 18 19 20 21  29 30 31 32 33  
    21 22 23 24 25  68 69 70 71 72          22 23 24 25 26  34 35 36 37 38  
    26 27 28 29 30  73  1  2  3  4 Cfn      27 28 29 30  1  39 40 41 42 43  
    31  1  2  3  4   5  6  7  8  9      Dec  2  3  4  5  6  44 45 46 47 48  
Jun  5  6  7  8  9  10 11 12 13 14           7  8  9 10 11  49 50 51 52 53  
    10 11 12 13 14  15 16 17 18 19          12 13 14 15 16  54 55 56 57 58  
    15 16 17 18 19  20 21 22 23 24          17 18 19 20 21  59 60 61 62 63  
    20 21 22 23 24  25 26 27 28 29          22 23 24 25 26  64 65 66 67 68  
    25 26 27 28 29  30 31 32 33 34          27 28 29 30 31  69 70 71 72 73  
    30  1  2  3  4  35 36 37 38 39     [1991 = 3157][Next St. Tibs Day in

                              HOLY NAMES

Discordians have a tradition of assuming HOLY NAMES. This is not
unique to Erisianism, of course. I suppose that Pope Paul is the son
of Mr. and Mrs. VI?

Will whoever stole Brother Reverend Magoun's pornography please return


                       THE BEARER OF THIS CARD
                     IS A GENUINE AND AUTHORIZED
                               ~ POPE ~
                      So please Treat Him Right
                             GOOD FOREVER

       Genuine and authorized by The House of Apostles of ERIS
Every man, woman and child on this Earth is a genuine and authorized
Pope Reproduce and distribute these cards freely- POEE Head Temple, San

A =POPE= is someone who is not under the authority of the authorities.

For Your Enlightenment

                         THE PARABLE OF THE BITTER TEA
                       Rev. Dr. Hypocrates Magoun, P.P.
                          POEE PRIEST, Okinawa Cabal

        When Hypoc was through meditating with St. Gulik, he went there
into the kitchen where he busied himself with preparing the feast and in
his endeavor, he found that there was some old tea in a pan left
standing from the night before, when he had in his weakness forgot about
its making and had let it sit steeping for 24 hours. It was dark and
murky and it was Hypoc's intention to use this old tea by diluting it
with water. And again in his weakness, chose without further considera-
tion and plunged into the physical labor of the preparations. It was
then when deeply immersed in the pleasure of that trip, he had a sudden
loud clear voice in his head saying "it is bitter tea that involves you
so." Hypoc heard the voice, but the struggle inside intensified, and the
pattern, previously established with the physical laboring and the
muscle messages coordinated and unified or perhaps coded, continued to
exert their influence and Hypoc succummed to the pressure and he denied
the voice. 
        And again he plunged into the physical orgy and completed the
task, and Lo as the voice had predicted, the tea was bitter.

                                "The Five Laws have root in awareness."
                                        --Che Fung (Ezra Pound, Canto

The Hell Law says that Hell is reserved exclusively for them that
believe in it. Further, the lowest Rung in Hell is reserved for them
that believe in it on the supposition that they'll go there if they
     HBT; The Gospel According to Fred, 3:1


        One day Mal-2 asked the messenger spirit Saint Gulik to approach
the Goddess and request Her presence for some desperate advice. Shortly
afterwards the radio came on by itself, and an ethereal female Voice
said YES?

        "O! Eris! Blessed Mother of Man! Queen of Chaos! Daughter of
Discord!  Concubine of Confusion! O! Exquisite Lady, I beseech You to
lift a heavy burden from my heart!"


        "I am filled with fear and tormented with terrible visions of
pain.  Everywhere people are hurting one another, the planet is rampant
with injustices, whole societies plunder groups of their own people,
mothers imprison sons, children perish while brothers war. O, woe."


        "But nobody Wants it! Everybody hates it."

        OH. WELL, THEN STOP.

        At which moment She turned herself into an aspirin commercial
and left The Polyfather stranded alone with his species.


                            CHAPTER 5: THE PIONEERS
                  =THE FIVE APOSTLES OF ERIS & WHO THEY BE =

A Sage of Ancient China and Official Discordian Missionary to the
Heathen Chinee. He who originally devised THE SACRED CHAO. Patron of the
Season of Chaos. Holyday: Jan 5.

A Head Doctor of Deep Africa and Maker of Fine Dolls. D.H.V., Doctor of
Hoodoo and Vexes, from The Greater Metropolitan Yorba Linda Jesus Will
Save Your Bod Home Study Bible School; and F.I.H.G.W.P., Fellow of the
Intergalactic Haitian Guerrillas for World Peace. Patron of The Season
of Discord. Holyday: Mar 19.
[NOTE: Erisians of The Laughing Christ sect are of the silly contention
that Dr. Mojo is an imposter and that PATAMUNZO LINGANANDA is the True
Second Apostle. Lord Omar claims that Dr. Mojo heaps hatred upon
Patamunzo, who sends only Love Vibrations in return. But we of the POEE
sect know that Patamunzo is the Real Imposter, and that those vibrations
of his are actually an attempt to subvert Dr. Mojo's rightful apostilic
authority by shaking him out of his wits.

commonly called just SRI SYADASTI
His name is Sanskrit, and means: All affirmations are true in some
sense, false in some sense, meaningless in some sense, true and false in
some sense, true and meaningless in some sense, false and meaningless in
some sense, and true and false and meaningless in some sense.
He is an Indian Pundit and Prince, born of the Peyotl Tribe, son of
Gentle Chief Sun Flower Seed and the squaw Merry Jane. Patron to
psychedelic type Discordians. Patron of the Season of Confusion.
Holyday: May 31. NOTE: Sri Syadasti should not be confused with BLESSED
ST. GULIK THE STONED, who is not the same person but is the same 


A hard nosed Hermit of Medieval Europe and Chaosphe Bible Banger. Dubbed
"Offender of The Faith." Discovered the Five Commandments. Patron of the
Season of Bureaucracy. Holyday: Aug. 12

A wandering Wiseman of Ancient Mediterrania ("Med-Terra" or middle
earth), who followed a 5-pointed Star through the alleys of Rome,
Damascus, Baghdad, Jerusalem, Mecca and Cairo, bearing a sign that
seemed to read "DOOM". (This is a misunderstanding. The sign actually
read "DUMB". Mal-1 is a Non-Prophet.) Patron and namesake of Mal-2.
Patron on The Season of The Aftermath. Holyday: Oct 24.

All statements are true in some sense, false in some sense, meaningless
in some sense, true and false in some sense, true and meaningless in
some sense, false and meaningless in some sense, and true and false and
meaningless in some sense. A public service clarification by the Sri
Syadasti School of Spiritual Wisdom, Wilmette. 

The teachings of the Sri Syadasti School of Spiritual School of
Spiritual Wisdom are true in some sense, false in some sense, meaning-
less in some sense, true and false in some sense, true and meaningless
in some sense, false and meaningless in some sense, and true and false
and meaningless in some sense.
Patamunzo Lingananda School of Higher Spiritual Wisdom, Skokie.

Hey Man...Great! I feel goofy, the way my old man looks when he's drunk.

                          THE HONEST BOOK OF TRUTH
                   being a BIBLE of The Erisian Movement

                         and How it was Revealed to
          Episkopos LORD OMAR KHAYYAM RAVENHURST, KSC; Bull Goose
        of Limbo; and Master Pastor of the Church Invisible of
        the Laughing Christ, Hidden Temple of The Happy Jesus,
                  Laughing Buddha Jesus [LBJ] Ranch

                    From the Honest Book of Truth
                 THE BOOK OF EXPLANATIONS, Chapter 1

1. There came one day to Lord Omar, Bull Goose of Limbo, a Messenger
of Our Lady who told him of a Sacred Mound wherein was buried an
Honest Book.

2. And the Angel of Eris bade of the Lord: Go ye hence and dig the
Truth, that ye may come to know it and, knowing it, spread it and,
spreading it, wallow in it and, wallowing in it, lie in it and ,lying
in the Truth, become a Poet of the Word and a Sayer of Sayings -- an
Inspiration to all men and a Scribe to the Gods.

3. So Omar went forth to the Sacred Mound, which was to the East of
Mullah, and thereupon he worked digging in the sand for five days and

five nights, but found no book.

4. At the end of five days and five nights of digging, it came to pass
that Omar was exhausted. So he put his shovel to one side and bedded
himself down on the sand, using as a pillow a Golden Chest he had
uncovered on the first day of his labors.

5. Omar slept.

6. On the fifth day of his sleeping, Lord Omar fell into a Trance, and
there came to him in the Trance a Dream, and there came to him in the
Dream a Messenger of Our Lady who told him of a Sacred Grove wherein
was hidden a Golden Chest.

7. And the Angel of Eris bade of the Lord: Go ye hence and lift the
Stash, that ye may come to own it and, owning it, share it and,
sharing it, love in it and, loving in it, dwell in it and, dwelling in
the Stash, become a Poet of the Word and a Sayer of Sayings - an
Inspiration to all men and a Scribe to the Gods.

8. But Omar lamented, saying unto the Angel: What is this shit,man?
What care I for the Word and Sayings? What care I for the Inspiration
of all men? Wherein does it profit a man to be a Scribe to the Gods
when the Scribes of the Governments do nothing, yet are paid better

9. And, lo, the Angel waxed in anger and Omar was stricken to the Ground

by an Invisible Hand and did not arise for five days and five nights.

10. And it came to pass that on the fifth night he dreampt, and in his
Dream he had a Vision, and in this Vision there came unto him a
Messenger of Our Lady who entrusted to him a Rigoletto cigar box
containing many filing cards, some of them in packs with rubber bands
around, and upon these cards were sometimes written verses, while upon
others nothing was written.

11. Thereupon the Angel Commanded to Lord: Take ye this Honest Book of
Truth to thine bosom and cherish it. Carry it forth into The Land and
Lay it before Kings of Nations and Collectors of Garbage. Preach from
it unto the Righteous, that they may renounce their ways and repent.

                          CONVENTIONAL CHAOS


In the year 1166 B.C., a malcontented hunchbrain by the name of
Greyface, got it into his head that the universe was as humorless as
he, and he began to teach that play was sinful because it contradicted
the ways of Serious Order. "Look at all the order around you," he
said. And from that, he deluded honest men to believe that reality was
a straightjacket affair and not the happy romance as men had known it.

It is not presently understood why men were so gullible at that
particular time, for absolutely no one thought to observe all the
disorder around them and conclude just the opposite. But anyway,
Greyface and his followers took the game of playing at life more

seriously than they took life itself and were known even to destroy
other living beings whose ways of life differed from their own.

The unfortunate result of this is that mankind has since been
suffering from a psychological and spiritual imbalance. Imbalance causes
frustration, and frustration causes fear. And fear makes for a bad trip.
Man has been on a bad trip for a long time now.


                                          Bullshit makes the flowers
                                                grow & that's beautiful.

Climb into the Chao with a friend or two
And follow the Way it carries you,
Adrift like a Lunatic Lifeboat Crew
Over the Waves in whatever you do.
        (HBT; The Book of Advise, 1:3)

[graphic deleted... if you wanna see it, READ THE BOOK]

Meanwhile, at the Chinese laundromat...

                DOGMA I - METAPHYSICS #2, "COSMOLOGY"*

                          THE BOOK OF UTERUS
                    from the Honest Book of Truth
                        revealed to Lord Omar

1. Before the beginning was the Nonexistent Chao, balanced in Oblivion
by the Perfect Counterpushpull of the Hodge and the Podge.

2. Whereupon, by an Act of Happenstance, the Hodge began gradually to
overpower the Podge -- and the Primal Chaos thereby came to be.

3. So in the beginning was the Primal Chaos, balanced on the Edge of
Oblivion by the Perfect Counterpullpush of the Podge and the Hodge.

4. Whereupon, by the Law of Negative Reversal,** the Podge swiftly
underpowered the Hodge and Everything broke loose.

5. And therein emerged the Active Force of Discord, the Subtle Manifes-
tation of the Nonexistent Chao, to guide Everything along the Path back
to Oblivion - that it might not become lost among Precepts of Order in
the Region of Thud.

6. Forasmuch as it was Active, the Force of Discord entered the State of
Confusion, wherein It copulated with the Queen and begat ERIS, Our Lady
of Discord and Gross Manifestation of the Nonexistent Chao.

7. And under Eris Confusion became established, and was hence called
Bureaucracy; while over Bureaucracy Eris became established, and was

hence called Discordia.

8. By the by it came to pass that the Establishment of Bureaucracy
perished in a paper shortage.

9. Thus it was, in accord with the Law of Laws.

10. During and after the Fall of the Establishment of Bureaucracy was
the Aftermath, an Age of Disorder in which calculation, computations,
and reckonings were put away by the Children of Eris in Acceptance and
Preparation for the Return to Oblivion to be followed by a Repetition of
the Universal Absurdity. Moreover, of Itself the Coming of Aftermath
waseth a Resurrection of the Freedom-flowing Chaos. HAIL ERIS!

11. Herein was set into motion the Eristic Pattern, which would Repeat
Itself Five Times Over Seventy-three Times, after which nothing would
* This doctrine should not be confused with DOGMA III - HISTORY #6,
"HISTORIC CYCLES," which states that social progress occurs in five
cycles, the first three ("The Tricycle") of which are THESIS, ANTITHESIS
and PARENTHESIS; and the last two ("the Bicycle") of which are CONSTER-

** The LAW OF NEGATIVE REVERSAL states that if something does not happen
then the exact opposite will happen, only in exactly the opposite manner
from that in which it did not happen.

Dull but Sincere Filler
"And, behold, thusly was the Law formulated: Imposition of Order =
escalation of Disorder!"
 [H.B.T. ; The Gospel According to Fred, 1:6]

Gen. Pandaemonium, Commanding

The seeds of the ORDERS OF DISCORDIA were planted by Greyface into his
early disciples. They form the skeleton of the Aneristic Movement, which
over emphasizes the Principle of Order and is antagonistic to the
necessary compliment, the Principle of Disorder. The Orders are composed
of persons all hung up on authority, security and control; i.e., they
are blinded by the Aneristic Illusion. They do not know that they belong
to Orders of Discordia.  But we know.

1. The Military Order of THE KNIGHTS OF THE FIVE SIDED TEMPLE. This is
for all the soldiers and bureaucrats of the world.

2. The Political Order of THE PARTY FOR WAR ON EVIL. This is reserved
for lawmakers, censors, and like ilk.

3. The Academic Order of THE HEMLOCK FELLOWSHIP. They commonly inhabit
schools and universities, and dominate many of them.

This is mostly a grass-roots version of the more professional military,
political, academic and sacred Orders.

5. The Sacred Order of THE DEFAMATION LEAGUE. Not much is known about
the D.L., but they are very ancient and quite possibly were founded by
Greyface himself.  It is known that they now have absolute domination
over all organized churches in the world. It is also believed that they
have been costuming cabbages and passing them off as human beings.

A person belonging to one or more Order is just as likely to carry a
flag of the counter-establishment as the flag of the establishment--
just as long as it is a flag.

Don't let THEM immanentize the Eschaton.

HIP-2-3-4, HIP-2-3-4
Go To Your Left-Right....


        The second concept Wiener has to establish is that of entropy.
Probability is a mathematical concept, coming from statistics. Entropy
comes from physics. It is the assertion-- established logically and
experimentally-- that the universe, by its nature, is "running down",
moving toward a state of inert uniformity devoid of form, matter,
hierarchy or differentiation.

        That is, in any given situation, less organization, more chaos,
is overwhelmingly more probable than tighter organization or more order.

        The tendency for entropy to increase in isolated systems is
expressed in the second law of thermodynamics-- perhaps the most
pessimistic and amoral formulation in all human thought.

        It applies however, to a closed system, to something that is an
isolated whole, not just a part. Within such systems there may be parts,
which draw their energy from the whole, that are moving at least
temporarily, in the opposite direction; in them order is increasing and
chaos is diminishing.

        The whirlpools that swirl in a direction opposed to the main
current are called "enclaves". And one of them is life, especially human
life, which in a universe moving inexorably towards chaos moves towards
increased order.

        -Rev. Thomas, Gnostic
         N.Y.C. Cabal

PLANETARY Pi, which I discovered, is 61. It's a Time-Energy relationship
existing between sun and inner plants and I use it in arriving at many
facts unknown to science. For example, multiply nude earth's circum-
ference 24,902.20656 by 61 and you get the distance of moon's orbit
around the earth.  This is slightly less than the actual distance
because we have not yet considered earth's atmosphere. So be it. 

Christopher Garth, Evanston

"I should have been a plumber."
        --Albert Einstein
"Grasshopper always wrong in argument with chicken"
                -Book of Chan compiled by O.P.U. sect

                         = ZARATHUD'S ENLIGHTENMENT =

        Before he became a hermit, Zarathud was a young Priest, and took
great delight in making fools of his opponents in front of his fol-

        One day Zarathud took his students to a pleasant pasture and
there he confronted The Sacred Chao while She was contentedly grazing.

        "Tell me, you dumb beast." demanded the Priest in his commanding
voice, "why don't you do something worthwhile. What is your Purpose in
Life, anyway?"

        Munching the tasty grass, The Sacred Chao replied "MU".*

        Upon hearing this, absolutely nobody was enlightened. Primarily
because nobody could understand Chinese.

* "MU" is the Chinese ideogram for NO-THING

TAO FA TSU-DAN                                      FIND PEACE WITH A 
                                                    CONTENTED CHAO

                           THE SACRED CHAO

THE SACRED CHAO is the key to illumination. Devised by the Apostle Hung
Mung in ancient China, it was modified and popularized by the Taoists
and is sometimes called the YIN-YANG. The Sacred Chao is not the
Yin-Yang of the Taoists. It is the HODGE-PODGE of the Erisians. And,
instead of a Podge spot on the Hodge side, it has a PENTAGON which
symbolizes the ANERISTIC PRINCIPLE, and instead of a Hodge spot on the
Podge side, it depicts the GOLDEN APPLE OF DISCORDIA to symbolize the

The Sacred Chao symbolizes absolutely everything anyone need ever know
about absolutely anything, and more! It even symbolizes everything not
worth knowing, depicted by the empty space surrounding the Hodge-Podge.

If you are not hot for philosophy, best just to skip it.

        The Aneristic Principle is that of APPARENT ORDER; the Eristic
Principle is that of APPARENT DISORDER. Both order and disorder are man
made concepts and are artificial divisions of PURE CHAOS, which is a
level deeper that is the level of distinction making.


        With our concept making apparatus called "mind" we look at
reality through the ideas-about-reality which our cultures give us. The
ideas-about-reality are mistakenly labeled "reality" and unenlightened
people are forever perplexed by the fact that other people, especially
other cultures, see "reality" differently. It is only the ideas-about-
-reality which differ. Real (capital-T True) reality is a level deeper
that is the level of concept.

        We look at the world through windows on which have been drawn
grids (concepts). Different philosophies use different grids. A culture
is a group of people with rather similar grids. Through a window we view
chaos, and relate it to the points on our grid, and thereby understand
it. The ORDER is in the GRID. That is the Aneristic Principle.

        Western philosophy is traditionally concerned with contrasting
one grid with another grid, and amending grids in hopes of finding a
perfect one that will account for all reality and will, hence, (say
unenlightened westerners) be True. This is illusory; it is what we
Erisians call the ANERISTIC ILLUSION. Some grids can be more useful than
others, some more beautiful than others, some more pleasant than others,
etc., but none can be more True than any other.

        DISORDER is simply unrelated information viewed through some
particular grid. But, like "relation", no-relation is a concept. Male,
like female, is an idea about sex. To say that male-ness is "absence of
female-ness", or vice versa, is a matter of definition and metaphysical-
ly arbitrary. The artificial concept of no-relation is the ERISTIC

        The belief that "order is true" and disorder is false or somehow
wrong, is the Aneristic Illusion. To say the same of disorder, is the

        The point is that (little-t) truth is a matter of definition
relative to the grid one is using at the moment, and that (capital-T)
Truth, metaphysical reality, is irrelevant to grids entirely. Pick a
grid, and through it some chaos appears ordered and some appears
disordered. Pick another grid, and the same chaos will appear dif-
ferently ordered and disordered. 
 Reality is the original Rorschach.

Verily! So much for all that.

The words of the Foolish and those of the Wise
Are not far apart in Discordian Eyes.
(HBT; The Book of Advise, 2:1)

The PODGE of the Sacred Chao is symbolized as The Golden Apple of
Discordia, which represents the Eristic Principle of Disorder. The
writing on it, "KALLISTI" is Greek for "TO THE PRETTIEST ONE" and refers
to an old myth about The Goddess. But the Greeks had only a limited
understanding of Disorder, and thought it to be a negative principle.

The Pentagon represents the Aneristic Principle of Order and symbolizes
the HODGE. The Pentagon has several references; for one,, it can be
taken to represent geometry, one of the earliest studies of formal order
to reach elaborate development;* for another, it specifically accords


                                -Patamunzo Lingananda

It is also the shape of the United States Military Headquarters, the
Pentagon Building, a most pregnant manifestation of straightjacket order
resting on a firm foundation of chaos and constantly erupting into
dazzling disorder; and this building is one of our more cherished
Erisian Shrines. Also it so happens that in times of medieval magic, the
pentagon was the generic symbol for werewolves, but this reference is
not particularly intended and it should be noted that the Erisian
Movement does not discriminate against werewolves-- our membership
roster is open to persons of all races, national origins and

* The Greek geometrician PYTHAGORAS, however, was not a typical
aneristic personality. He was what we call an EXPLODED ANERISTIC and an
AVATAR. We call him Archangle Pythagoras.

[diagram of HODGE/PODGE TRANSFORMER deleted... DtC]

5. Hung Mung slapped his buttocks, hopped about, and shook his head,
saying "I do not know! I do not know!"
        HBT; The Book of Gooks, Chap. 1
                               BRUNSWICK SHRINE

In the Los Angeles suburb of Whittier there lives a bowling alley, and
within this very place, in the Year of Our Lady of Discord 3125 (1959*),
Eris revealed Herself to The Golden Apple Corps for the first time.

In honor of this Incredible Event, this Holy Place is revered as a
Shrine by all Erisians. Once every five years, the Golden Apple Corps
plans a Pilgrimage to Brunswick Shrine as an act of Devotion, and
therein to partake of No Hot Dog Buns, and ruminate a bit about It All.

It is written that when The Corps returns to The Shrine for the fifth
time five times over, than shall the world come to an end:

                                IMPENDING DOOM
                                  HAS ARRIVED
        And Five Days Prior to This Occasion The Apostle The Elder
        Malaclypse Shall Walk the Streets of Whittier Bearing a Sign
        for All Literates to Read thereof: "DOOM", as a Warning of
        Forthcoming Doom to All Men Impending. And He Shall Signal 
        This Event by Seeking the Poor and Distributing to Them Precious
        MAO BUTTONS and Whittier Shall be Known as The Region of Thud
        for These Five Days.

As a public service to all mankind and civilization in general, and to
us in particular, the Golden Apple Corps has concluded that planning
such a Pilgrimage is sufficient and that it is prudent to never get
around to actually going.
* Or maybe it was 1958, I forget.


 STARBUCK'S PEBBLES                                     Which


                        *               *

                             *      *

Do these 5 pebbles [note: they were pebbles,originally..try doing
ASCII pebbles -DtC] REALLY form a pentagon?
Those biased by the Aneristic Illusion would say yes.
Those biased by the Eristic Illusion would say no. Criss-cross them and
it is a star.

An Illuminated Mind can see all of these, yet he does not insist that
any one is really true, or that none at all is true. Stars, and
pentagons, and disorder are all his creations and he may do with them as
he wishes. Indeed, even so the concept of number 5.

The real reality is there, but everything you KNOW about "it" is in your
mind and yours to do with as you like. Conceptualization is art, and YOU

Convictions cause convicts.

                                     Can you chart the COURSE
                                     to Captain Valentine's SWEETHEART?

Hemlock? I never touch the stuff!

                                When I was 8 or 9 years old, I acquired
                                a split beaver magazine. You can imagine
                                my disappointment when,upon examination
                                of the photos with a microscope, I found
                                that all I could see was dots.

7. Never write in pencil unless you are on a train or sick in bed.


------------------------------------Pun-jab is Sikh, Sikh, Sikh!--------

A Non-prophet Irreligious Disorganization

                         MALACLYPSE THE YOUNGER, KSC
                Omnibenevolent Polyfather of Virginity in Gold
                                 HIGH PRIEST

THE ERISIAN MOVEMENT                                  HOUSE OF APOSTLES 
(X) Official Business           ( )Surreptitious Business     page 1 of
1 pages
Official Discordian Document Number (if applicable): n/a
( ) the Golden Apple Corps  (X)House of Disciples of Discordia
                                The Bureaucracy, Bureau of:  DOGMAS
( ) Council of Episkoposes: Office of High Priesthood, Sect of the POEE 
( ) Drawer o
Today's DATE: day of the Carrot                 yesterday's DATE: Yes  
Originating Cabal: Joshua Norton Cabal - San Francisco
TO: REV. RAMPANT PANCREAS, tRRoCR(a)pttM; Colorado Encrustation

Brother Ram,

Your acute observation that ERIS spelled backwards is SIRE, and your
inference to the effect that there is sexual symbolism here, have
brought me to some observations of my own,

ERIS spelled fore-part-aft-wards is RISE. And spelled inside out is
REIS, which is a unit of money, albeit Portugese-Brazilian and no longer
in use.  >From this it may be concluded that Eris has usurped Eros (god
of erotic love) in the eyes of those who read backwards; which obviously
made Eros sorE. Then She apparently embezzeled the Olympian Treasury and
went to Brazil; whereupon She opened a chain of whorehouses (which
certainly would get a rise from the male population). I figure it to be
this in particular because MADAM reads the same forwards and backwards.
And further, it is a term of great respect, similar to SIRE.

And so thank you for your insight, it may well be the clue to the
mystery of just where Eris has been fucking around for 3125.

                                FIVE TONS OF FLAX!
                                -><-    Mal-2

Not for Circulation!

          KALLISTI        HAIL ERIS             ALL HAIL DISCORDIA

safeguard this letter, it may be an important document 

                                Form No.: O.D.D. IIb/ii.1-37D.VVM:3134

                     DOGMA III - HISTORY #2, "COSMOGONY"
which is not the same as DOGMA I - METAPHYSICS #2, "COSMOLOGY" (Book of

        In the beginning there was VOID, who had two daughters; one (the
smaller) was that of BEING, named ERIS, and one (the larger) was of
NON-BEING, named ANERIS. (To this day, the fundamental truth that Aneris
is the larger is apparent to all who compare the great number of things
that do not exist with the comparatively small number of things that do

        Eris had been born pregnant, and after 55 years (Goddesses have
an unusually long gestation period-- longer even than elephants), Her
pregnancy bore the fruits of many things. These things were composed of
the Five Basic Elements, SWEET, BOOM, PUNGENT, PRICKLE, and ORANGE.
Aneris, however, had been created sterile. When she saw Eris enjoying
Herself so greatly with all of the existent things She had borne, Aneris
became jealous and finally one day she stole some existent things and
changed them into non-existent things and claimed them as her own
children. This deeply hurt Eris, who felt that Her sister was unjust
(being so much larger anyway) to deny Her her small joy. And so She made
herself swell again to bear more things. And She swore that no matter
how many of her begotten that Aneris would steal, She would beget more.
And, in return, Aneris swore that no matter how many existent things
Eris brought forth, she would eventually find them and turn them into
non-existent things for her own. (And to this day, things appear and
disappear in this very manner.) 

        At first, the things brought forth by Eris were in a state of
chaos and went in every which way, but by the by She began playing with
them andordered some of them just to see what would happen. Some pretty
things arosefrom this play and for the next five zillion years She
amused Herself bycreating order. And so She grouped some things with
others and some groups with others, and big groups with little groups,
and all combinations until She had many grand schemes which delighted

        Engrossed in establishing order, She finally one day noticed
disorder (previously not apparent because everything was chaos). There
were many ways in which chaos was ordered and many ways in which it was

        "Hah," She thought, "Here shall be a new game."

        And She taught order and disorder to play with each other in
contest games, and to take turns amusing each other. She named the side
of disorder after Herself, "ERISTIC" because Being is anarchic. And
then, in a mood of sympathy for Her lonely sister, She named the other
side "ANERISTIC" which flattered Aneris and smoothed the friction a
little that was between them. 

        Now all of this time, Void was somewhat disturbed. He felt
unsatisfied for he had created only physical existence and physical
non-existence, and had neglected the spiritual. As he contemplated this,
a great Quiet was caused and he went into a state of Deep Sleep which
lasted for 5 eras. At the end of this ordeal, he begat a brother to Eris
and Aneris, that of SPIRITUALITY, who had no name at all.


        When the sisters heard this, they both confronted Void and
pleaded that he not forget them, his First Born. And so Void decreed

        That this brother, having no form, was to reside with Aneris in
Non-Being and then to leave her and, so that he might play with order
and disorder, reside with Eris in Being. But Eris became filled with
sorrow when She heard this and then began to weep.

        "Why are you despondent?" demanded Void, "Your new brother will
have his share with you." "But Father, Aneris and I have been arguing,
and she will take him from me when she discovers him, and cause him to
return to Non-Being." "I see,"replied Void, "Then I decree the follow-

        "When your brother leaves the residence of Being, he shall not
reside again in Non-Being, but shall return to Me, Void, from whence he
came. You girls may bicker as you wish, but My son is your Brother and
We are all of Myself." 

And so it is that we, as men, do not exist until we do; and then it is
that we play with our world of existent things, and order and disorder
them, and so it shall be that non-existence shall take us back from
existence and that nameless spirituality shall return to Void, like a
tired child home from a very wild circus.

        "Everything is true - Everything is permissible!"           
                                                -Hassan i Sabbah

There is serenity in Chaos.
Seek ye the Eye of the Hurricane.

                       Written, in some sense, by Mal-2

Unlike a song, chants are not sung but chanted. This particular one is
much enhanced by the use of a Leader to chant the Sanskrit alone, with
all participants chanting the English. it also behooves one to be in a
quiet frame of mind and to be sitting in a still position, perhaps The
Buttercup Position. It also helps if one is absolutely zonked out of his

O! Hail Eris. Blessed St. Hung Mung.
O! Hail Eris. Blessed St. Mo-jo.
O! Hail Eris. Blessed St. Zara-thud.
O! Hail Eris. Blessed St. Elder Mal.
O! Hail Eris. Blessed St. Gu-lik.
O! Hail Eris. All Hail Dis-cord-ia.

It is then repeated indefinitely, or for the first two thousand miles,
which ever comes first.

The Classification of Saints


To be reserved for all human beings deserving of Sainthood. Example:
St.Norton the First, Emperor of the United States and Protector of
Mexico (his grave near San Francisco is an official POEE shrine.)



Good Saint material and definitely inspiring.
Example: St. Yossarian (Catch 22, Heller)


Excellent Goddess-Saturated Saint.
Example: St. Quixote (Don Quixote, Cervantes)


Comparable to Lt/Saint but has an established following (fictional or
factual). Example: St. Bokonon (Cat's Cradle, Vonnegut)


The Five Apostles of Eris.

Note: It is an Old Erisian Tradition to never agree with each other
about Saints.

Everybody understands Mickey Mouse. Few understand Herman Hesse. Only a
hand full understood Albert Einstein. And nobody understood Emperor
                        -Slogan of NORTON CABAL - S.F.



Magicians, especially since the Gnostic and the Quabala influences, have
sought higher consciousness through assimilation and control of
universal opposites-- good/evil, positive/negative, male/female, etc.
But due to the steadfast pomposity of ritualism inherited from the
ancient methods of the shaman, occultists have been blinded to what is
perhaps the two most important pairs of apparent or earth-plane

Magicians, and progeny the scientists, have always taken themselves and
their subject in an orderly and sober manner, thereby disregarding an

essential metaphysical balance. when magicians learn to approach
philosophy as a malleable art instead of an immutable Truth, and learn
to appreciate the absurdity of man's endeavours, then they will be able
to pursue their art with a lighter heart, and perhaps gain a clearer
understanding of it, and therefore gain more effective magic. CHAOS IS

This is an essential challenge to the basic concepts of all western
occult thought, and POEE is humbly pleased to offer the first break-
through in occultism since Solomon.

"Study Demonology with an Enemy This Sunday"
                        sez Thom,Gnos


1) Om your next birthday, return to the place of your birth and, at
precisely midnight, noting your birth time and date of observation,
count all visible stars.

2) When you have done this, write to me and I'll tell you what to do

The Eminent 16th Century Mathemetician Cardan so detested Luther that he
altered Luther's birthdate to give him an unfavorable horoscope.

The theorem to be proved is that if any even number of people take seats
at random around a circular table bearing place cards with their names,
it is always possible to rotate the table until at least two people are
opposite their cards. Assume the contrary. Let N be the even number of
persons, and let their names be replaced by the integers 0 to N-1 "in
such a way that the place cards are numbered in sequence around the
table. If a delegate D originally sits down to a place card P, then the
table must be rotated R steps before he is correctly seated, where
R=P-D, unless this is negative, in which case R=P-D+N. The collection of
values of D (and of P) for all delegates is clearly the integers 0 to
N-1,each taken once, but so also is the collection of values of R, or
else two delegates would be correctly seated at the same time.  Summing
the above equations, one for each delegate, gives S-S+NK, where K is an
integer and S=N(N-1)/2, the sum of the integers from 0 to N-1. It
follows that N=2K+1, an odd number." This contradicts the original
        "I actually solved this problem some years ago," Rybicki writes,
"for a different but completely equivalent problem, a generalization of
the nonattacking 'eight queens' problem for a cylindrical chessboard
where diagonal attack is restricted to diagonals slanting in one
direction only.
                        THE CURSE OF GREYFACE AND THE
                          INTRODUCTION OF NEGATIVISM

        To choose order over disorder, or disorder over order, is to
accept a trip composed of both the creative and the destructive. But to
choose the creative over the destructive is an all-creative trip
composed of both order and disorder. To accomplish this, one need only

accept creative disorder along with, and equal to, creative order, and
also willing to reject destructive order as an undesirable equal to
destructive disorder.

        The Curse of Greyface included the division of life into
order/disorder as the essential positive/negative polarity, instead of
building a game foundation with creative/destructive as the essential
positive/negative. He has thereby caused man to endure the destructive
aspects of order and has prevented man from effectively participating in
the creative uses of disorder. Civilization reflects this unfortunate

        POEE proclaims that the other division is preferable, and we
work toward the proposition that creative disorder, like creative order,
is possible and desirable; and that destructive order, like destructive
disorder, is unnecessary and undesirable.

        Seek the Sacred Chao - therein you will find the foolishness of
all ORDER/DISORDER. They are the same!


Revealed by the Apostle Dr. Van Van Mojo as a specific counter to the
evil Curse of Greyface, THE TURKEY CURSE is here passed on to Erisians
everywhere for their just protection.

The Turkey Curse works. It is firmly grounded on the fact that Greyface
and his followers absolutely require an aneristic setting to function
and that a timely introduction of eristic vibrations will neutralize
their foundation.  The Turkey Curse is designed solely to counteract
negative aneristic vibes and if introduced into a neutral or positive
aneristic setting (like a poet working out word rhythms) it will prove
harmless, or at worst, simply annoying. It is not designed for use
against negative eristic vibes, although it can be used as an eristic
vehicle to introduce positive vibes into a misguided eristic setting. In
this instance, it would be the responsibility of the Erisian Magician to
manufacture the positive vibrations if results are to be achieved.
CAUTION- all magic is powerful and requires courage and integrity on the
part of the magician. This ritual, if misused, can backfire. Positive
motivation is essential for self-protection.


Take a foot stance as if you were John L. Sullivan preparing for fis-
ticuffs.  Face the particular greyfaced you wish to short-circuit, or
towards the direction of the negative aneristic vibration that you wish
to neutralize.  Begin waving your arms in any elaborate manner and make
motions with your hands as though you were Mandrake feeling up a sexy
giantess. Chant, loudly and clearly:
The results will be instantly apparent.



                A PRIMER FOR ERISIAN EVANGELISTS by Lord Omar

        The SOCRATIC APPROACH is most successful when confronting the
ignorant. The "socratic approach" is what you call starting an argument
by asking questions. You approach the innocent and simply ask "Did you
know that God's name is ERIS, and that He is a girl?" If he should
answer "Yes." then he probably is a fellow Erisian and so you can forget
it. If he says "No." then quickly proceed to:
        THE BLIND ASSERTION and say "Well, He Is a girl, and His name is
ERIS!" Shrewedly observe if the subject is convinced. If he is, swear
him into the Legion of Dynamic Discord before he changes his mind. If he
does not appear convinced, then proceed to:
        THE FAITH BIT: "But you must have Faith! All is lost without
Faith! I sure feel sorry for you if you don't have Faith." And then add:
        THE ARGUMENT BY FEAR and in an ominous voice ask "Do you know
what happens to those who deny Goddess?" If he hesitates, don't tell him
that he will surely be reincarnated as a precious Mao Button and
distributed to the poor in the Region of Thud (which would be a mean
thing to say), just shake your head sadly and, while wiping a tear from
your eye, go to:
        THE FIRST CLAUSE PLOY wherein you point to all of the discord
and confusion in the world and exclaim "Well who the hell do you think
did all of this, wise guy?" If he says, "Nobody, just impersonal
forces." then quickly respond with:
absolutely right, and that those impersonal forces are female and that
Her name is ERIS.  If he, wonder of wonders, still remains obstinate,
then finally resort to:
        THE FIGURATIVE SYMBOLISM DODGE and confide that sophisticated
people like himself recognize that Eris is a Figurative Symbol for an
Ineffable Metaphysical Reality and that The Erisian Movement is really
more like a poem than like a science and that he is liable to be turned
into a Precious Mao Button and Distributed to The Poor in The Region of
Thud if he does not get hip. Then put him on your mailing list.




SINK is played by Discordians and people of much ilk.

PURPOSE: To sink object or an object or a thing...
in water or mud or anything you; can sink something in.

RULES: Sinking is allowd in any manner. To date, ten pound chunks of mud
were used to sink a tobacco can. It is preferable to have a pit of water
or a hole to drop things in. But rivers - bays - gulfs - I dare say even
oceans can be used. 

TURNS are taken thusly: who somever gets the junk up and in the air

DUTY: It shall be the duty of all persons playing "SINK" to help find
more objects to sink, once; one object is sunk.


UPON SINKING: The sinked shall yell "I sank it!" or something equally as

NAMING OF OBJECTS is some times desirable. The object is named by the
finder of such object and whoever sinks it can say for instance, "I sunk
Columbus, Ohio!"

        "In a way, we're a kind of Peace Corps."
        - Maj. A. Lincoln German, Training Director of the
          Green Beret Special Warfare School, Ft. Bragg, N.C.

A Joint Effort of the Discordian Society


                                        Export License Not Required

In the meantime - plant your seeds.

If a lot of people who receive this letter plant a few seeds and a lot
of people receive this letter, then a lot of seeds will get planted.
Plant your seeds.

In parks. On lots. Public flower beds. In remote places. At City Hall.
Wherever. Whenever. Or start a plantation in your closet (but read up on
it first for that). For casual planting, its best to soak them in water
for a day and plant in a bunch of about 5, about half an inch deep.
Don't worry much about the weather, they know when the weather is wrong
and will try to wait for nature. Don't soak them if its wintertime.
Seeds are a very hearty life form and strongly desire to grow and
flourish. But some of them need people's help to get started. Plant your

Make a few copies of this letter (5 would be nice) and send them to
friends of yours. Try to mail to different cities and states, even
different countries.  If you would rather not, then please pass this
copy on to someone and perhaps they would like to.

THERE IS NO TRUTH to the legend that if you throw away a chain letter
then all sorts of catastrophic, abominable, and outrageous disasters
will happen. Except, of course, from your seed's point of view.

Q. "How come a woodpecker doesn't bash its brains out?" A. Nobody has
ever explained that.

Mary Jane says "Plant Your Seeds. Keep Prices Down."

"And God said, behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which
is upon the face of the earth... to you it shall be for meat."
                                -Genesis 1:29


Have a friendly class talk. Permit each child to tell any part of the
unit on "Courtesy in the Corridors and on the Stairs" that he enjoyed.
Name some causes of disturbance in your school.

--Lord Omar

1. Ye have locked yerselves up in cages of fear--and, behold, do ye now
complain that ye lack FREEDOM!

2. Ye have cast out yer brothers for devils and now complain ye,
lamenting, that ye've been left to fight alone.

3. All Chaos was once yer kingdom; verily, held ye dominion over the
entire Pentaverse, but today ye was sore afraid in dark corners, nooks,
and sink holes.

4. O how the darknesses do crowd up, one against the other, in ye
hearts! What fear ye more that what ye have wroughten?
5. Verily, verily I say unto you, not all the Sinister Ministers of the
Bavarian Illuminati, working together in multitudes, could so entwine
the land with tribulation as have yer baseless warnings.

DESPITE strong evidence to the contrary, persistant rumor has it that it
was Mr. Momomoto's brother who swallowed Mr. Momomoto in the summer of

                             BAVARIAN ILLUMINATI

         Founded by Hassan i Sabbah, 1090 A.D. (5090 A.L., 4850 A.M.)
         Reformed by Adam Weishaupt, 1776 A.D. (5776 A.L., 5536 A.M.)

                              invite YOU to join

              The World's Oldest and Most Successful Conspiracy

Have you ever SECRETLY WONDERED WHY       IS there an ESOTERIC ALLEGORY con-
The GREAT PYRAMID has FIVE sides          cealed in the apparently innocent
(counting the bottom)?                    legend of Snow White and The Seven

WHAT IS the TRUE secret SINISTER             WHY do scholarly anthropologists
REALITY lying behind the ANCIENT             TURN PALE with terror at the 
Aztec Legend of QUETZLCOATL?                 very MENTION of the FORBIDDEN
                                             name YOG-SOTHOTH?

WHO IS the MAN in ZURICH                     WHAT REALLY DID HAPPEN 
that some SWEAR is LEE                       TO AMBROSE BIERCE?

If your I.Q. is over 150, and you have $3,125.00 (plus handling), you might
be eligible for a trial membership in the A.I.S.B.  If you think you qualify,
put the money in a cigar box and bury it in your backyard. One of our
Underground Agents will contact you shortly.
                                 I DARE YOU!


May we warn you against imitations! Ours is the original and genuine

"Nothing is true. Everything is Permissible"
   - Hassan i Sabbah


      "Illuminate the Opposition!"
         -- Adam Weishaupt,
        Grand Primus Illuminatus

Bavarian Illuminati
"Ewige Blumenkraft!"


                                                    INTER-OFFICE WIRE SENT

Mad Malik, Hauptscheissmeister; Resident for Norton Cabal


Of possible interest to all Discordians, this information is herewith
from the vaults of A.I.S.B., under the auspices of Episkopos Dr. Mordecai
Malignatius, KNS.


A B C D E F G H I J  K  L  M  N  O  P  Q  R  S  T  U  V  W  X  Y  Z
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

STEP 1. Write out the message (HAIL ERIS) and put all the vowels at the end
STEP 2. Reverse order (IEIASRLH)
STEP 3. Convert to numbers (9-5-9-1-19-18-12-8)
STEP 4. Put into numerical order (1-5-8-9-9-12-18-19)
STEP 5. Convert back to letters (AEHIILRS)

This cryptographic cypher code is GUARANTEED TO BE 100% UNBREAKABLE.

Here is  a letter from A.I.S.B. to POEE:
              The World's Oldest And Most Successful Conspiracy

                             BAVARIAN ILLUMINATI

         Founded by Hassan i Sabbah, 1090 A.D. (5090 A.L., 4850 A.M.)
         Reformed by Adam Weishaupt, 1776 A.D. (5776 A.L., 5536 A.M.)

                        ( )Official Business  (X) Surreptitious Business

From: MAD MALIK Hauptscheissmeister

        Dear Brother Mal-2,

        In response to your request for unclassified agitprop to be inserted
in the new edition of PRINCIPIA, hope the following will be of use. And
stop bothering us with your incessant letters!

        Episkopos Mordecai, Keeper of the Notary Sojac, informs me that you
are welcome to reveal that our oldest extant records show us to have been
fully established in Atlantis, circa 18,000 B.C., under Kull, the galley
slave who ascended to the Throne of Valusia. Revived by Pelias of Koth, circa
10,000 B.C. Possibly it was he who taught the inner-teachings to Conan of
Cimmeria after Conan became King of Aquilonia. First brought to the western
hemisphere by Conan and taught to Mayan priesthood (Conan is Quetzlcoatl).
That was 4 Ahua, 8 Cumhu, Mayan date. Revived by Abdul Alhazred in his
infamous Al Azif, circa 800 A.D. (Al Azif translated into Latin by Olaus 

Wormius, 1132 A.D., as The Necronomicon.) In 1090 A.D. was the founding of
The Ismaelian Sect (Hashishim) by Hassan i Sabbah, with secret teachings
based on Alhazred, Pelias and Kull. Founding of the Illuminated Ones of
Bavaria, by Adam Weishaupt, on May 1, 1776. He based it on the others.
Weishaupt brought it to the United States during the period that he was
impersonating George Washington; and it was he who was the Man in Black who
gave the design for The Great Seal to Jefferson in the garden that night. The
Illuminated tradition is now, of course, in the hands of The Ancient
Illuminated Seers of Bavaria (A.I.S.B.), headquartered here in the United

        Our teachings are not, need I remind you, available for publication.
No harm, though, in admitting that some of them can be found disguised in
Joyce's Finnegan's Wake, Burroughs Nova Express, the King James translation
of the Holy Bible (though not the Latin or Hebrew), and The Blue Book. Not to
speak of Ben Franklin's private papers (!), but we are still suppressing

        Considering current developments--you know the ones I speak of--it
has been decided to reveal a few more of our front organizations. Your
publication is timely, so mention that in addition to the old fronts like the
Masons, the Rothchild Banks, and the Federal Reserve System, we now have
significant control of the Federal Bureau of Investigation (since Hoover died
last year, but that is still secret), the Students for a Democratic Society,
the Communist Party USA, the American Anarchist Assn., the Junior Chamber of
Commerce, the Black Lotus Society, the Republican Party, the John Dillinger
Die For You Society, and the Camp Fire Girls. It is still useful to continue
the sham of the Birchers that we are seeking world domination; so do not
reveal that political and economic control was generally complete several
generations ago and that we are just playing with the world for a while until
civilization advances sufficiently for phase five.

        In fact you might still push Vennard's The Federal Reserve Hoax:
"Since the Babylonian Captivity there has existed a determined,
behind-the-scenes under-the-table, atheistic, satanic, anti-Christian
force--worshipers of Mamon--whose undying purpose is world control through
the control of Money. July 1, 1776 (correct that to May 1st, Vennard can't
get anything right) the Serpent raised its head in the under-ground secret
society known as the Illuminati, founded by Adam Weishaupt. There is con-
siderable documentary evidence to prove all revolutions, wars, depressions,
strikes and chaos stem from this source." Etc., etc., you know the stuff.

        The general location of our US HQ, incidentally, has been nearly
exposed; and so we will be moving for the first time this century (what a
drag!). If you want, you can reveal that it is located deep in the labyrinth
of sewers beneath Dealy Plaza in Dallas, and is presided over by The Dealy
Lama. Inclosed are some plans for several new potential locations. Please
review and add any comments you feel pertinent, especially regarding the
Eristic propensity of the Pentagon site.

        Oh, and we have some good news for you, Brother Mal! You know that
Zambian cybernetics genius who joined us? Well, he has secretly co-ordinated
the FBI computers with the Zurich System and our theoriticians are in ecstasy
over the new information coming out. Look, if you people out there can keep
from blowing yourselves up for only two more generations, then we will
have it. After 20,000 years, Kull's dream will be realized! We can hardly
believe it. But the outcome is certain, given the time. Our grandchildren,

Mal! If civilization makes it through this crises, our grandchildren will
live in a world of authentic freedom and authentic harmony and authentic
satisfaction. I hope I'm alive to see it, Mal, success is in our grasp.
Twenty thousand years....!

        Ah, I get spaced just thinking about it. Good luck on the Principia.
Ewige Blumenkraft! HAIL ERIS.

                                             MAD MALIK

PS: PRIVATE - Not for publication in The Principia.
We are returning to the two Zwack Cyphers for classified communications.

[note: Graphic Cypher deleted  DtC]


Part Five     The Golden Secret


The human race will begin solving it's problems on the day that it ceases
taking itself so seriously.

To that end, POEE proposes the countergame of NONSENSE AS SALVATION.
Salvation from an ugly and barbarous existence that is the result of taking
order so seriously and so seriously fearing contrary orders and disorder,
that GAMES are taken as more important than LIFE; rather than taking LIFE AS

To this end, we propose that man develop his innate love for disorder, and
play with The Goddess Eris. And know that it is a joyful play, and that

If you can master nonsense as well as you have already learned to master
sense, then each will expose the other for what it is: absurdity. From that
moment of illumination, a man begins to be free regardless of his
surroundings. He becomes free to play order games and change them at will. He
becomes free to play disorder games just for the hell of it. He becomes free
to play neither or both. And as the master of his own games, he plays without
fear, and therefore without frustration, and therefore with good will in his
soul and love in his being.

And when men become free then mankind will be free.
May you be free of The Curse of Greyface.
May the Goddess put twinkles in your eyes.
May you have the knowledge of a sage,
    and the wisdom of a child.
Hail Eris.                                     


                                                      ___   ___ 
                                                      ___   ___
                                                      ___   ___

        This being the 4th Edition, March 1970, San Francisco; a revision of
the 3rd Edition of 500 copies, whomped together in Tampa 1969; which revised
the 2nd Edition of 100 copies from Los Angeles 1969; which was a revision of
"PRINCIPIA DISCORDIA or HOW THE WEST WAS LOST" published in New Orleans in
1965 in five copies, which were mostly lost.

If you think the PRINCIPIA is just a ha-ha, then go read it again.

               (K) ALL RIGHTS REVERSED - Reprint what you like

                Published by POEE Head Temple - San Francisco
                      " On The Future Site of Beautiful
                             San Andreas Canyon"

Office of My High Reverence
Malaclypse the Younger KSC

The foregoing document was revealed to Mal-2 by the Goddess Herself through
many consultations with Her within his Pineal Gland. It is guaranteed to be
the Word of Goddess. However, it is only fair to state that Goddess doesn't
always say the same thing to each listener, and that other Episkoposes are
sometimes told quite different things in their Revelations, which are also
the Word of Goddess. Consequently, if you prefer a Discordian Sect other than
POEE, then none of these Truths are binding, and it is a rotten shame that
you have read all the way down to the very last word.

Dedicated to an Advanced
Understanding  of the Paraphysical
Manifestations of Everyday Chaos


Well, probably you do have one, and it's unfortunate because lopsided Pineal
Glands have perverted the Free Spirit of Man, and subverted Life into a
frustrating, unhappy and hopeless mess.

Fortunately, you have before you a handbook that will show you how to
your salvation through ERIS, THE GODDESS OF CONFUSION.
It will advise you how to balance your Pineal Gland and reach spiritual
Illumination. And it will teach you how to turn your miserable mess into a

beautiful, joyful, and splendid one.

POEE is a bridge from

the Words of the Illuminated                    Rated X... NATURALLY

Why are we Here ?                               SUPPRESSED KNOWLEDGE

Have you ever secretly                          HYGIENE
wondered why the Great                     The Lord promised: "Therefore,
Pyramid has five sides? -                  behold, I will bring evil upon
counting the bottom?                       the house of Jeroboam and will
                                           cut off from Jeroboam him that
GRAND OPERA                                pisseth against the wall..."
"Wherefore my bowels shall sound                    -I Kings 14:10 (This 
like a harp for Moab, and mine                  unsanitary practice caused
inner parts for Kirharesh."                     serious erosion of the mud 
   -Isaiah 16:11                                walls)

Face to fact with the mighty forces and elements of nature, the thoughtful
man fearlessly contemplates his place in the great cosmic scheme.
                               -><-  POEE  -><-

YES, I'd like to know the Five Simple Actions that will turn Me into a
"Mental Wizard" in a Single Weekend.

Prolonged use in a darkened room may induce hallucinations or trigger
undesired side effects. Should not be used in the presence of persons subject
to epilepsy.


                         -THE GODDESS ERIS PREVAILS-

                              SPECIAL AFTERWORD
               to the Loompanics Edition of PRINCIPIA DISCORDIA
                        G.H. Hill, San Francisco, 1979
                 All Rites Reversed (K) Reprint What You Like


                         INTERVIEW WITH NORTON CABAL
                   by Gypsie Skripto, Special Correspondent

        It has been ten years since I net the mysterious Malaclypse the
Younger. I was free lancing for the underground papers and went to POEE Hear
Temple at 555 Battery Street to try for an interview.

        I found him in the Temple PO Box busy wrapping up the new Fourth
Edition of PRINCIPIA. He seemed impatient with me, insisting that he didn't
have the time or inclination for foolish questions from reporters. Undaunted,
I burst out with questions like whether he preferred Panama Red or Acapulco

Gold and how the fuck did we manage to fit inside of a tiny post office box
and other things apropos a naive young semiliterate dropout hippy writer. He
asked me if I wanted to drop mescaline and fuck all night and said he knew
how to turn himself into a unicorn and there might be room for a tiny
interview on the cover of the PRINCIPIA if I wanted to work for the GREATER
POOP so I said sure, OK, I've never dropped mescaline in a post office box

        It turned out I was among the last to see Malaclypse. As subsequent
issues of GREATER POOP revealed, he was to disappear and POEE business was to
be assumed by his students at Norton Cabal. Professor Ignotum P. Ignotius,
Department of Comparative Realities, was assigned the Trust of the POEE
Scruple and Rev. Dr. Occupant became Keeper of the Box. The newly published
copies of PRINCIPIA were distributed by Mad Malik, Block Disorganizer, who
had distribution contacts with the Aluminum Bavariati. Practical relations
remained in the hands of concept artist G. Hill.

 When the 1000 PRINCIPIAS were gone the GREATER POOP stopped
publishing, Head Temple closed down and the Cabal just seemed to evaporate.
Finally even the box was closed. But over the years I noticed that copies
were still circulating, and that independent Discordian Cabal would oc-
casionally pop out of nowhere (and still do ). And I would wonder what ever
happened to Malaclypse.

 When I read the ILLUMINATUS trilogy I resolved to again find and
interview the denizens of Joshua Norton Cabal of the Discordian Society.

        * * *

 As I cabled over Nob to San Francisco's Station 'O' Post Office I
couldn't help but wonder at Goddess' hand in assigning street addresses to
Her outposts. Mal2 had told me that Good Lord Omar always filed everything
under "O" for OUT OF FILE.

        "Maya is marvelous" I was thinking when I rapped on the little metal
door and was greeted warmly by a huge beard who introduced himself as
Professor Ignotius. He ushered me into a spacious wood paneled and tapestry
hung parlor where three others were laughing and passing around a wine jug.
The sunny one in a tunic was the Reverend Doctor Occupant, the trim khaki and
jeans was Mad Malik and the wine jug claimed to be Hill. I got the recorder

GYPSIE SKRIPTO [in response to a question]: ...1969 but only briefly. I guess
I missed you guys.

MAD MALIK: No wonder, he was pretty much a one man show then. We were just

his students and were usually off on errands. You worked for the POOP?

Gypsie: Well, for one night anyway. The interview is in the PRINCIPIA.

REV. DR. OCCUPANT: Malik was the only one he would ever let write for the
POOP or get on the letterhead.

Gypsie: Did you [Malik] have higher authority than the others?

Malik: No, [but I was allowed to speak in the POOP] because [Malaclypse the
Younger] hated politics. He was infuriated with Johnson and nixon over Viet
Nam because it was turning the renaissance into a political revolution and
was stealing his sacred thunder. So he trained me in Zenarchy, which he
learned from Omar, and I was the official anarcho-pacifist for the Cabal.
Also I was liaison to The Ancient Illuminated Seers of Bavaria, the Chicago
Discordians.  Later Omar activated the Hung Mung Cong Tong and ELF, on
zenarchist principles, and also Operation Mindfuck. I was also into those.
Though at the time I was masquerading in GREATER POOP as a created cabbage to
throw off the FBI.

Gypsie [to Hill]: Since you wrote it, I take it you are an anarchist?

G.H. Hill: Since then I have given up anarchy. Too many rules-- hating the
government and all that stuff.

IGNOTUM PER IGNOTIUS: It's like hating your own fantasies.

Malik: [Anarchy] is also standing up and proceeding forward, fantasy rule or
not. The condition is the same.

Occupant: Brother needs some wine!

Malik: We have had this argument before, Reverend Doctor Brother. But wine
before platitudes, fill it up.

Gypsie [to Hill]: And pacifism?

Hill: I'm not sure I ever was one. Mal2 was not, Malik was. Personally I
accepted self defense yet I could never reconcile that with the ideal. I
finally gave up on that one too. Actually I just gave up on idealism.

Ignotius: Idealism lives with rules. Realism lives with rocks.

Hill: Yeah. I get along better with rocks.

Malik: Mal2 once told me that pacifism was a dilemma. If everybody was a
pacifist then everything would be perfect. But nobody is going to be a
pacifist unless I am first. But if I am and somebody else is not, then I get
screwed. He said that there were five choices under that circumstance. The
first was napalming farmers and the second was executing your parents. The
third was hypocrisy, the fourth was cowardice, and the fifth was to swallow
the dilemma. Zenarchists are trained in dilemma swallowing.

Occupant: So are other Erisians, like POEE.

Ignotius: That is characteristic of the Discordian perspective.

Hill: But of course training contradicts Discordian principles.

Malik: Oh so what. Contradictions are nothing to Discordians.

Occupant: Dilemma, Schilmemma. [to Gypsie]: What do you think of this, pretty
ma'am? We don't get to hear your thoughts.

Gypsie: I'm reporting now, you talk.

Occupant: Later then?

Gypsie: Perhaps. Later.

Occupant: You are smiling.

Gypsie: Hey, guy, later. [to Hill]: Doesn't this leave you a little schizy?

Hill: It's OK, I'm half Gemini.

Gypsie: What's the other half?

Hill: Taurus. That makes me a stubborn schizy.

Ignotius: I'm a Whale.

Occupant: I choose Satyr.

Malik: Spirits don't have signs.

Hill: A character can have a sign if I want it so.

Occupant: Well I can have a sign if I want to and screw both of you.

Malik: Come on Greg, you just think that we are your characters....

Occupant: You were inhabited by Malaclypse the Younger. He caused you to
create roles and those roles are being performed by us spirits.

Ignotius: A perfectly normal pagan relationship.

Hill: Well you can look at it like that if you want to, but I created Mal2 to
my specifications just as I conceived all the rest of you.

Occupant: You didn't invent Eris. She caused you to think you created the
spirit of Malaclypse.

Hill: Oh bull! Besides, I changed her so much the Greeks would never
recognize her.

Occupant: That's what She wanted!

Ignotius: Deities change things around all the time.

Malik: What you don't realize is that a spirit has a self identity.

Hill: Nope. A spirit is a product of definition and the one who is doing the
defining around here is me. Your identity is what I say it is. Just to prove
it, I'm going to change your name.

SINISTER DEXTER: It's OK with me. Fate is fate. I never much liked "Mad 

Malik" anyway.

Ignotius: Besides people confused him with Joe Malik in ILLUMINATUS.

Dexter: I sort of enjoyed the confusion part.

Occupant: Doesn't prove anything anyway.

Gypsie: That name sounds familiar. Where is it from?

Hill: Its a name I came up with in the old days and never used it much. Its
on page 38 of the PRINCIPIA referring to Vice President Spiro Agnew. I always
thought I invented it but now it sounds like a Stan Freberg name now that I
think about it. It may have stuck in my preconscious memory from early TV.

Gypsie: Can you use it without his permission?

Hill: If it is his? I don't know. I hope so. it means "left right" in Latin
and is a perfect name for a libertarian anarchist. Actually in my kind of art
the question of what can I use freely and what can I not is a very tricky

Gypsie: How do you mean?

Hill: Well, take a collage for example. Like the early one on page 36 of the
PRINCIPIA. Each little piece was extracted from some larger work created by
some other artist and published and maybe copyrighted. I find them in
newspapers and magazines mostly. Often from ads. With a collage you select
and extract from your environment and then assemble into an original

The PRINCIPIA itself is a collage. A conceptual collage. All of it happens
simultaneously. But visually it is a montage, passing through time, like a
book does.

There is a lot of pirated stuff in the PRINCIPIA, especially in the margins.
But also I sympathize with artists who must own and sell their works to earn
a living. Art, like knowledge, should be free fodder for everyone. But it
isn't It is perplexing.

Gypsie: Where did all the things in PRINCIPIA come from?

Hill: Well, a full answer would take another book in itself. Most of the
writing credited to a name is a true person and almost always a different
name means a different person. Most of the non-credited, you know, Malaclyps-
e, text is mine although some things credited to either Mal2 or Omar were
actually co-written and passed back and forth and rewritten by each of us.
The marginalia, dingbats, and pasted in titles and heads and things came from
wherever I found them--some of which is original but uncredited Discordian
output, like the page head on 12 and other pages which is from a series of
satiric memo pads from Our Peoples Underworld Cabal. All page layout is mine
and some whole graphics like the Sacred Chao and the Hodge Podge Transformer
are mine but mostly I just found stuff and integrated it. Mostly I did
concept, say 50% of the writing, 10% of the graphics, all of the layout.

Gypsie: Specifically, what are some of the sources?

Hill: Weel, the poem on the front cover is by Walt Kelly and was spoken by

one of his characters in Pogo. The government seals starting from page 1 are
from a book of sample seals from the U.S. Government Printing Office. Western
Union on page 6 got into the act because I used to be a teletype operator and
had access to blank forms. Rubber stamps came from all over the place and
some, like the apple on page 27, I carved myself. A few I ordered to my
specification, like on page 1. The quote on the top of page 8 might be from
Barnum, I'm not sure. The jumping man on page 12 is from an advertisement. I
recognize the style--a popular commercial artist-- but I don't know his name. 
The Chinese on the page is a grocery ad, I think. The Norton money on page 14
is historic,plus my little additions. The apple on page 17,as well as the
triangle on 23 and the Sacred Chao on 50 are, believe it or not, pasteups of
mimeographs, from Seattle Cabal. That group produced the best damn mimeog-
raphy I've ever seen. The Lick Here Box on page 23 is one of many tidbits
making the rounds in alternative/underground newspapers in those days. Trip
5 page header on 29 was a chapter title in one of Tim Leary's books. The
Knight on the bull with the TV antenna on his helmet on page 46 came from a
very artistic magazine called Horseshit and put out by two brothers from Long
Beach. I don't remember their names. Wonderful magazine.

Occupant: Eris told Mal2 what to use and where to find it.

Hill: Yeah, in a way that is right. That is why my name does not appear
anywhere on the PRINCIPIA and why it was published with a broken
copyright--Reprint What You Like. I knew I was taking liberties and didn't
want my intentions to be misunderstood. It was an experiment and was intended
to be an underground work and that involves a different set of ethics than
commercial work.

Gypsie: There are no real names at all?

Hall: Oh, some. Camden Benares is a real name because he legally changed his
original name to his Holy Name. Also, instead of using Mordecai Malignatus I
used Bob Wilson's real name on page 12 because Werewolf Bridge was a work
before Discordianism. And of course real people like Neils Bohr crop up in

Gypsie: What do you think about the PRINCIPIA now? Would you want to change

Hill: I consider it a successful work and I wouldn't want to change it. In
some ways it is immature and I am not the same person I was 10 years ago, but
it accomplished the objectives I set for myself and it has the effect I
wanted it to have. There are a few errors though.

Gypsie: Like what?

Hill: Oh, I changed a quote from Tom Gnostic on page 61 and I don't think he
ever did forgive me for it. He's right. Starbuck's Pebbles should have been
preceded by the Myth of Starbuck which was being saved for something else and
never got used. I should have used it when I had the chance. And then Eris
did a neat little trick on me by having IBM make the Greek selectric
typewriter element not coincide with all the characters on their keyboard. So
the little "kallisti" that appears on the title page and lastly on the back
cover came out "kallixti" and I was too dumb to know the difference.

Gypsie: Will there ever be a Fifth Edition?

Hill: There already is a Fifth Edition, by Mal2. It is a one page telegram

that reduces everything to an infinite aum. I found it at Western Union where
a machine got stuck and kicked out hundreds of pages of nothing but m's. He
made it the Fifth Edition and then left.

Principia/Malaclypse was a very personal work for me and actually took 10
years to culminate. it was one single statement that included my adolescence
in the 50's and my young adulthood in the 60's. When I finally had the
paste-ups done I knew that I had finished it. That is why, quote, Malaclypse
left. I knew it was finished. I didn't know exactly what it was, but it was

Occupant: See?

Gypsie: Earlier you said that you met your objectives. Just what were those

Hill: Well, that's hard to answer because it kept refining itself over the
years. In 1969 I mainly though of myself as a cosmic clown and I set out to
prove, by demonstration, that a deity can be anything at all.

In other words, people invent gods and not the other way around. Later I
decided that I was doing some kind of conceptual art.

In the 50's my culture taught me that I was created by and for a deity, a
specific male deity, and that all other deities are FALSE. Yet my growing
experience showed me that any deity is true in some sense and false in some
other sense. So I set out to do what my society told me is impossible--make
a real religion from a patently absurd deity.

In the 50's a female deity was blasphemy. In the 70's a humorous deity is
still considered impossible, ridiculous, and blasphemous. As far as I'm
concerned, I have proven my point. Eris is a real deity and even though I
don't promote Erisianism as a serious religion....

Occupant: I do!

Dexter: You speak for yourself.

Ignotius: Here, here.

Hill: ...I do point out that it makes just as much sense from its own
perspective as all the others do from each of their own perspectives.

Occupant: I think paganism is a valid spiritual path. I encourage Erisianism
because it makes fun of itself. i think this is healthy.

Ignotius: If you can live rewardingly with Goddess Eris you can live with any
deity, including none at all.

Dexter: I don't much go for the worship business but I argee with Occupant
about the spirit of the thing. We live in a time of turmoil, the whole planet
is in a state of change. If we, as a species, cower from the confusion then
we die with the dying. This is revolution.

Ignotius: I am an athiest myself. There is no Greg Hill.



Gypsie [to Hill] : What do you think of ILLUMINATUS?

Hill: Oh, I love it. I was finishing PRINCIPIA when Shea and Wilson were
working on ILLUMINATUS. It took Dell five years to publish it...maybe that is
significant. The 1969 Discordian Society was a mail network between
independent writers of various kinds. Norton Cabal was just me and my
characters and I used the other Cabals as sort of a laboratory. In return
other Discordians would bounce their stuff off of me. We would toss in ideas
and anybody could take anything out. It was a concept stew. The exchanging of
ideas and techniques broadened and encouraged all of us.

I like ILLUMINATUS for the surrealism. A very effective method of writing.

Ignotius: I got misquoted. Worse, I wasn't even in that scene and if I had
been then I would have said something else.

Dexter [to Ignotius]: That was me in that scene.

Ignotius: Oh, is that what that was?

Dexter: He got our names mixed up.

Hill: He got mixed up about me too, in COSMIC TRIGGER. Bob says that when
Oswald was buying the assassination rifle, my girlfriend was printing the
first edition of PRINCIPIA on Jim Garrison's Xerox. It wasn't my girlfriend,
it was Kerry's; it wasn't the FIRST ED PRINCIPIA, it was some earlier
Discordian thought; it wasn't Garrison's Xerox, it was his mimeograph; and it
wasn't just before Kennedy was shot but a couple of years before that.*

The FIRST ED PRINCIPIA, by the way, was reproduced at Xerox Corp when
xerography was a new technology Gypsie. Which was my second New Orleans trip
in 1965. I worked for a guy on Bourbon Street who was a Xerox salesman by

Dexter: I think that George Dorn took too much guff from Hagbard. If someone
pulls a weapon on me, I'm more inclined to either leave or kill the

Occupant: You are supposed to be a pacifist.

Dexter: I'm speaking figuratively of course. I'll tell you more tomorrow.

Gypsie [to Hill]: Did you really translate erotic Etruscan poetry?

Hill: Sure, but I used a pen name. I signed it "Robert Anton Wilson".

[A quick rap is heard on the door]

Gypsie: I have only one question left...

Dexter: I'll get it.

Gypsie: ...what I really want to know is how can we all fit inside of a tiny
little post office box?

Dexter[to Gypsie]:It's a telegram for you, from Mal2.

Gypsie: To me?

[Paper tearing]
Gypsie [reading]: "If I told everybody how they could live inside of a post
office box then everybody would stop paying landlords and go live inside
their post office boxes. It would collapse the building! Can you imagine,
post offices collapsing all over the country, the hemisphere, the PLANET! The
whole world's communication system would be destroyed. No,no, I must not say.
I dare not!

* I checked this further with Mr. Thornley. He says that the woman in
question was not his girlfriend, she was just a friend, and it wasn't a
couple of years before Kennedy was shot but had to be a couple of years after
(but before Garrison investigated Thornley). --GS


Next: Handfasting (CAW)