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Comedy of Errors



SOLINUS	Duke of Ephesus. (DUKE SOLINUS:)

AEGEON	a merchant of Syracuse.

	|  twin brothers, and sons to AEgeon and AEmilia.

	|  twin brothers, and attendants on the two Antipholuses.

BALTHAZAR	a merchant

ANGELO	a goldsmith.

First Merchant	friend to Antipholus of Syracuse.

Second Merchant	to whom Angelo is a debtor.

PINCH	a schoolmaster.

AEMILIA	wife to AEgeon, an abbess at Ephesus.

ADRIANA	wife to Antipholus of Ephesus.

LUCIANA	her sister.

LUCE	servant to Adriana.

	A Courtezan.

	Gaoler, Officers, and other Attendants

SCENE	Ephesus.



SCENE I	A hall in DUKE SOLINUS'S palace.

	[Enter DUKE SOLINUS, AEGEON, Gaoler, Officers, and other

AEGEON	Proceed, Solinus, to procure my fall
	And by the doom of death end woes and all.

DUKE SOLINUS	Merchant of Syracuse, plead no more;
	I am not partial to infringe our laws:
	The enmity and discord which of late
	Sprung from the rancorous outrage of your duke
	To merchants, our well-dealing countrymen,
	Who wanting guilders to redeem their lives
	Have seal'd his rigorous statutes with their bloods,
	Excludes all pity from our threatening looks.
	For, since the mortal and intestine jars
	'Twixt thy seditious countrymen and us,
	It hath in solemn synods been decreed
	Both by the Syracusians and ourselves,
	To admit no traffic to our adverse towns Nay, more,
	If any born at Ephesus be seen
	At any Syracusian marts and fairs;
	Again: if any Syracusian born
	Come to the bay of Ephesus, he dies,
	His goods confiscate to the duke's dispose,
	Unless a thousand marks be levied,
	To quit the penalty and to ransom him.
	Thy substance, valued at the highest rate,
	Cannot amount unto a hundred marks;
	Therefore by law thou art condemned to die.

AEGEON	Yet this my comfort: when your words are done,
	My woes end likewise with the evening sun.

DUKE SOLINUS	Well, Syracusian, say in brief the cause
	Why thou departed'st from thy native home
	And for what cause thou camest to Ephesus.

AEGEON	A heavier task could not have been imposed
	Than I to speak my griefs unspeakable:
	Yet, that the world may witness that my end
	Was wrought by nature, not by vile offence,
	I'll utter what my sorrows give me leave.
	In Syracusa was I born, and wed
	Unto a woman, happy but for me,
	And by me, had not our hap been bad.
	With her I lived in joy; our wealth increased
	By prosperous voyages I often made
	To Epidamnum; till my factor's death
	And the great care of goods at random left
	Drew me from kind embracements of my spouse:
	From whom my absence was not six months old
	Before herself, almost at fainting under
	The pleasing punishment that women bear,
	Had made provision for her following me
	And soon and safe arrived where I was.
	There had she not been long, but she became
	A joyful mother of two goodly sons;
	And, which was strange, the one so like the other,
	As could not be distinguish'd but by names.
	That very hour, and in the self-same inn,
	A meaner woman was delivered
	Of such a burden, male twins, both alike:
	Those,--for their parents were exceeding poor,--
	I bought and brought up to attend my sons.
	My wife, not meanly proud of two such boys,
	Made daily motions for our home return:
	Unwilling I agreed. Alas! too soon,
	We came aboard.
	A league from Epidamnum had we sail'd,
	Before the always wind-obeying deep
	Gave any tragic instance of our harm:
	But longer did we not retain much hope;
	For what obscured light the heavens did grant
	Did but convey unto our fearful minds
	A doubtful warrant of immediate death;
	Which though myself would gladly have embraced,
	Yet the incessant weepings of my wife,
	Weeping before for what she saw must come,
	And piteous plainings of the pretty babes,
	That mourn'd for fashion, ignorant what to fear,
	Forced me to seek delays for them and me.
	And this it was, for other means was none:
	The sailors sought for safety by our boat,
	And left the ship, then sinking-ripe, to us:
	My wife, more careful for the latter-born,
	Had fasten'd him unto a small spare mast,
	Such as seafaring men provide for storms;
	To him one of the other twins was bound,
	Whilst I had been like heedful of the other:
	The children thus disposed, my wife and I,
	Fixing our eyes on whom our care was fix'd,
	Fasten'd ourselves at either end the mast;
	And floating straight, obedient to the stream,
	Was carried towards Corinth, as we thought.
	At length the sun, gazing upon the earth,
	Dispersed those vapours that offended us;
	And by the benefit of his wished light,
	The seas wax'd calm, and we discovered
	Two ships from far making amain to us,
	Of Corinth that, of Epidaurus this:
	But ere they came,--O, let me say no more!
	Gather the sequel by that went before.

DUKE SOLINUS	Nay, forward, old man; do not break off so;
	For we may pity, though not pardon thee.

AEGEON	O, had the gods done so, I had not now
	Worthily term'd them merciless to us!
	For, ere the ships could meet by twice five leagues,
	We were encounterd by a mighty rock;
	Which being violently borne upon,
	Our helpful ship was splitted in the midst;
	So that, in this unjust divorce of us,
	Fortune had left to both of us alike
	What to delight in, what to sorrow for.
	Her part, poor soul! seeming as burdened
	With lesser weight but not with lesser woe,
	Was carried with more speed before the wind;
	And in our sight they three were taken up
	By fishermen of Corinth, as we thought.
	At length, another ship had seized on us;
	And, knowing whom it was their hap to save,
	Gave healthful welcome to their shipwreck'd guests;
	And would have reft the fishers of their prey,
	Had not their bark been very slow of sail;
	And therefore homeward did they bend their course.
	Thus have you heard me sever'd from my bliss;
	That by misfortunes was my life prolong'd,
	To tell sad stories of my own mishaps.

DUKE SOLINUS	And for the sake of them thou sorrowest for,
	Do me the favour to dilate at full
	What hath befall'n of them and thee till now.

AEGEON	My youngest boy, and yet my eldest care,
	At eighteen years became inquisitive
	After his brother: and importuned me
	That his attendant--so his case was like,
	Reft of his brother, but retain'd his name--
	Might bear him company in the quest of him:
	Whom whilst I labour'd of a love to see,
	I hazarded the loss of whom I loved.
	Five summers have I spent in furthest Greece,
	Roaming clean through the bounds of Asia,
	And, coasting homeward, came to Ephesus;
	Hopeless to find, yet loath to leave unsought
	Or that or any place that harbours men.
	But here must end the story of my life;
	And happy were I in my timely death,
	Could all my travels warrant me they live.

DUKE SOLINUS	Hapless AEgeon, whom the fates have mark'd
	To bear the extremity of dire mishap!
	Now, trust me, were it not against our laws,
	Against my crown, my oath, my dignity,
	Which princes, would they, may not disannul,
	My soul would sue as advocate for thee.
	But, though thou art adjudged to the death
	And passed sentence may not be recall'd
	But to our honour's great disparagement,
	Yet I will favour thee in what I can.
	Therefore, merchant, I'll limit thee this day
	To seek thy life by beneficial help:
	Try all the friends thou hast in Ephesus;
	Beg thou, or borrow, to make up the sum,
	And live; if no, then thou art doom'd to die.
	Gaoler, take him to thy custody.

Gaoler	I will, my lord.

AEGEON	Hopeless and helpless doth AEgeon wend,
	But to procrastinate his lifeless end.




SCENE II	The Mart.

	[Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse, DROMIO of Syracuse,
	and First Merchant]

First Merchant	Therefore give out you are of Epidamnum,
	Lest that your goods too soon be confiscate.
	This very day a Syracusian merchant
	Is apprehended for arrival here;
	And not being able to buy out his life
	According to the statute of the town,
	Dies ere the weary sun set in the west.
	There is your money that I had to keep.

OF SYRACUSE	Go bear it to the Centaur, where we host,
	And stay there, Dromio, till I come to thee.
	Within this hour it will be dinner-time:
	Till that, I'll view the manners of the town,
	Peruse the traders, gaze upon the buildings,
	And then return and sleep within mine inn,
	For with long travel I am stiff and weary.
	Get thee away.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Many a man would take you at your word,
	And go indeed, having so good a mean.


OF SYRACUSE	A trusty villain, sir, that very oft,
	When I am dull with care and melancholy,
	Lightens my humour with his merry jests.
	What, will you walk with me about the town,
	And then go to my inn and dine with me?

First Merchant	I am invited, sir, to certain merchants,
	Of whom I hope to make much benefit;
	I crave your pardon. Soon at five o'clock,
	Please you, I'll meet with you upon the mart
	And afterward consort you till bed-time:
	My present business calls me from you now.

OF SYRACUSE	Farewell till then: I will go lose myself
	And wander up and down to view the city.

First Merchant	Sir, I commend you to your own content.


OF SYRACUSE	He that commends me to mine own content
	Commends me to the thing I cannot get.
	I to the world am like a drop of water
	That in the ocean seeks another drop,
	Who, falling there to find his fellow forth,
	Unseen, inquisitive, confounds himself:
	So I, to find a mother and a brother,
	In quest of them, unhappy, lose myself.

	[Enter DROMIO of Ephesus]

	Here comes the almanac of my true date.
	What now? how chance thou art return'd so soon?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Return'd so soon! rather approach'd too late:
	The capon burns, the pig falls from the spit,
	The clock hath strucken twelve upon the bell;
	My mistress made it one upon my cheek:
	She is so hot because the meat is cold;
	The meat is cold because you come not home;
	You come not home because you have no stomach;
	You have no stomach having broke your fast;
	But we that know what 'tis to fast and pray
	Are penitent for your default to-day.

OF SYRACUSE	Stop in your wind, sir: tell me this, I pray:
	Where have you left the money that I gave you?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	O,--sixpence, that I had o' Wednesday last
	To pay the saddler for my mistress' crupper?
	The saddler had it, sir; I kept it not.

OF SYRACUSE	I am not in a sportive humour now:
	Tell me, and dally not, where is the money?
	We being strangers here, how darest thou trust
	So great a charge from thine own custody?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	I pray you, air, as you sit at dinner:
	I from my mistress come to you in post;
	If I return, I shall be post indeed,
	For she will score your fault upon my pate.
	Methinks your maw, like mine, should be your clock,
	And strike you home without a messenger.

OF SYRACUSE	Come, Dromio, come, these jests are out of season;
	Reserve them till a merrier hour than this.
	Where is the gold I gave in charge to thee?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	To me, sir? why, you gave no gold to me.

OF SYRACUSE	Come on, sir knave, have done your foolishness,
	And tell me how thou hast disposed thy charge.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	My charge was but to fetch you from the mart
	Home to your house, the Phoenix, sir, to dinner:
	My mistress and her sister stays for you.

OF SYRACUSE	In what safe place you have bestow'd my money,
	Or I shall break that merry sconce of yours
	That stands on tricks when I am undisposed:
	Where is the thousand marks thou hadst of me?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	I have some marks of yours upon my pate,
	Some of my mistress' marks upon my shoulders,
	But not a thousand marks between you both.
	If I should pay your worship those again,
	Perchance you will not bear them patiently.

OF SYRACUSE	Thy mistress' marks? what mistress, slave, hast thou?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Your worship's wife, my mistress at the Phoenix;
	She that doth fast till you come home to dinner,
	And prays that you will hie you home to dinner.

OF SYRACUSE	What, wilt thou flout me thus unto my face,
	Being forbid? There, take you that, sir knave.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	What mean you, sir? for God's sake, hold your hands!
	Nay, and you will not, sir, I'll take my heels.


OF SYRACUSE	Upon my life, by some device or other
	The villain is o'er-raught of all my money.
	They say this town is full of cozenage,
	As, nimble jugglers that deceive the eye,
	Dark-working sorcerers that change the mind,
	Soul-killing witches that deform the body,
	Disguised cheaters, prating mountebanks,
	And many such-like liberties of sin:
	If it prove so, I will be gone the sooner.
	I'll to the Centaur, to go seek this slave:
	I greatly fear my money is not safe.




SCENE I	The house of ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus.


ADRIANA	Neither my husband nor the slave return'd,
	That in such haste I sent to seek his master!
	Sure, Luciana, it is two o'clock.

LUCIANA	Perhaps some merchant hath invited him,
	And from the mart he's somewhere gone to dinner.
	Good sister, let us dine and never fret:
	A man is master of his liberty:
	Time is their master, and, when they see time,
	They'll go or come: if so, be patient, sister.

ADRIANA	Why should their liberty than ours be more?

LUCIANA	Because their business still lies out o' door.

ADRIANA	Look, when I serve him so, he takes it ill.

LUCIANA	O, know he is the bridle of your will.

ADRIANA	There's none but asses will be bridled so.

LUCIANA	Why, headstrong liberty is lash'd with woe.
	There's nothing situate under heaven's eye
	But hath his bound, in earth, in sea, in sky:
	The beasts, the fishes, and the winged fowls,
	Are their males' subjects and at their controls:
	Men, more divine, the masters of all these,
	Lords of the wide world and wild watery seas,
	Indued with intellectual sense and souls,
	Of more preeminence than fish and fowls,
	Are masters to their females, and their lords:
	Then let your will attend on their accords.

ADRIANA	This servitude makes you to keep unwed.

LUCIANA	Not this, but troubles of the marriage-bed.

ADRIANA	But, were you wedded, you would bear some sway.

LUCIANA	Ere I learn love, I'll practise to obey.

ADRIANA	How if your husband start some other where?

LUCIANA	Till he come home again, I would forbear.

ADRIANA	Patience unmoved! no marvel though she pause;
	They can be meek that have no other cause.
	A wretched soul, bruised with adversity,
	We bid be quiet when we hear it cry;
	But were we burdened with like weight of pain,
	As much or more would we ourselves complain:
	So thou, that hast no unkind mate to grieve thee,
	With urging helpless patience wouldst relieve me,
	But, if thou live to see like right bereft,
	This fool-begg'd patience in thee will be left.

LUCIANA	Well, I will marry one day, but to try.
	Here comes your man; now is your husband nigh.

	[Enter DROMIO of Ephesus]

ADRIANA	Say, is your tardy master now at hand?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Nay, he's at two hands with me, and that my two ears
	can witness.

ADRIANA	Say, didst thou speak with him? know'st thou his mind?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Ay, ay, he told his mind upon mine ear:
	Beshrew his hand, I scarce could understand it.

LUCIANA	Spake he so doubtfully, thou couldst not feel his meaning?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Nay, he struck so plainly, I could too well feel his
	blows; and withal so doubtfully that I could scarce
	understand them.

ADRIANA	But say, I prithee, is he coming home? It seems he
	hath great care to please his wife.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Why, mistress, sure my master is horn-mad.

ADRIANA	Horn-mad, thou villain!

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	I mean not cuckold-mad;
	But, sure, he is stark mad.
	When I desired him to come home to dinner,
	He ask'd me for a thousand marks in gold:
	''Tis dinner-time,' quoth I; 'My gold!' quoth he;
	'Your meat doth burn,' quoth I; 'My gold!' quoth he:
	'Will you come home?' quoth I; 'My gold!' quoth he.
	'Where is the thousand marks I gave thee, villain?'
	'The pig,' quoth I, 'is burn'd;' 'My gold!' quoth he:
	'My mistress, sir' quoth I; 'Hang up thy mistress!
	I know not thy mistress; out on thy mistress!'

LUCIANA	Quoth who?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Quoth my master:
	'I know,' quoth he, 'no house, no wife, no mistress.'
	So that my errand, due unto my tongue,
	I thank him, I bare home upon my shoulders;
	For, in conclusion, he did beat me there.

ADRIANA	Go back again, thou slave, and fetch him home.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Go back again, and be new beaten home?
	For God's sake, send some other messenger.

ADRIANA	Back, slave, or I will break thy pate across.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	And he will bless that cross with other beating:
	Between you I shall have a holy head.

ADRIANA	Hence, prating peasant! fetch thy master home.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Am I so round with you as you with me,
	That like a football you do spurn me thus?
	You spurn me hence, and he will spurn me hither:
	If I last in this service, you must case me in leather.


LUCIANA	Fie, how impatience loureth in your face!

ADRIANA	His company must do his minions grace,
	Whilst I at home starve for a merry look.
	Hath homely age the alluring beauty took
	From my poor cheek? then he hath wasted it:
	Are my discourses dull? barren my wit?
	If voluble and sharp discourse be marr'd,
	Unkindness blunts it more than marble hard:
	Do their gay vestments his affections bait?
	That's not my fault: he's master of my state:
	What ruins are in me that can be found,
	By him not ruin'd? then is he the ground
	Of my defeatures. My decayed fair
	A sunny look of his would soon repair
	But, too unruly deer, he breaks the pale
	And feeds from home; poor I am but his stale.

LUCIANA	Self-harming jealousy! fie, beat it hence!

ADRIANA	Unfeeling fools can with such wrongs dispense.
	I know his eye doth homage otherwhere,
	Or else what lets it but he would be here?
	Sister, you know he promised me a chain;
	Would that alone, alone he would detain,
	So he would keep fair quarter with his bed!
	I see the jewel best enamelled
	Will lose his beauty; yet the gold bides still,
	That others touch, and often touching will
	Wear gold: and no man that hath a name,
	By falsehood and corruption doth it shame.
	Since that my beauty cannot please his eye,
	I'll weep what's left away, and weeping die.

LUCIANA	How many fond fools serve mad jealousy!




SCENE II	A public place.

	[Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse]

OF SYRACUSE	The gold I gave to Dromio is laid up
	Safe at the Centaur; and the heedful slave
	Is wander'd forth, in care to seek me out
	By computation and mine host's report.
	I could not speak with Dromio since at first
	I sent him from the mart. See, here he comes.

	[Enter DROMIO of Syracuse]

	How now sir! is your merry humour alter'd?
	As you love strokes, so jest with me again.
	You know no Centaur? you received no gold?
	Your mistress sent to have me home to dinner?
	My house was at the Phoenix? Wast thou mad,
	That thus so madly thou didst answer me?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	What answer, sir? when spake I such a word?

OF SYRACUSE	Even now, even here, not half an hour since.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	I did not see you since you sent me hence,
	Home to the Centaur, with the gold you gave me.

OF SYRACUSE	Villain, thou didst deny the gold's receipt,
	And told'st me of a mistress and a dinner;
	For which, I hope, thou felt'st I was displeased.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	I am glad to see you in this merry vein:
	What means this jest? I pray you, master, tell me.

OF SYRACUSE	Yea, dost thou jeer and flout me in the teeth?
	Think'st thou I jest? Hold, take thou that, and that.

	[Beating him]

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Hold, sir, for God's sake! now your jest is earnest:
	Upon what bargain do you give it me?

OF SYRACUSE	Because that I familiarly sometimes
	Do use you for my fool and chat with you,
	Your sauciness will jest upon my love
	And make a common of my serious hours.
	When the sun shines let foolish gnats make sport,
	But creep in crannies when he hides his beams.
	If you will jest with me, know my aspect,
	And fashion your demeanor to my looks,
	Or I will beat this method in your sconce.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Sconce call you it? so you would leave battering, I
	had rather have it a head: an you use these blows
	long, I must get a sconce for my head and ensconce
	it too; or else I shall seek my wit in my shoulders.
	But, I pray, sir why am I beaten?

OF SYRACUSE	Dost thou not know?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Nothing, sir, but that I am beaten.

OF SYRACUSE	Shall I tell you why?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Ay, sir, and wherefore; for they say every why hath
	a wherefore.

OF SYRACUSE	Why, first,--for flouting me; and then, wherefore--
	For urging it the second time to me.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Was there ever any man thus beaten out of season,
	When in the why and the wherefore is neither rhyme
	nor reason?
	Well, sir, I thank you.

OF SYRACUSE	Thank me, sir, for what?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Marry, sir, for this something that you gave me for nothing.

OF SYRACUSE	I'll make you amends next, to give you nothing for
	something. But say, sir, is it dinner-time?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	No, sir; I think the meat wants that I have.

OF SYRACUSE	In good time, sir; what's that?


OF SYRACUSE	Well, sir, then 'twill be dry.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	If it be, sir, I pray you, eat none of it.

OF SYRACUSE	Your reason?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Lest it make you choleric and purchase me another
	dry basting.

OF SYRACUSE	Well, sir, learn to jest in good time: there's a
	time for all things.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	I durst have denied that, before you were so choleric.

OF SYRACUSE	By what rule, sir?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Marry, sir, by a rule as plain as the plain bald
	pate of father Time himself.

OF SYRACUSE	Let's hear it.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	There's no time for a man to recover his hair that
	grows bald by nature.

OF SYRACUSE	May he not do it by fine and recovery?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Yes, to pay a fine for a periwig and recover the
	lost hair of another man.

OF SYRACUSE	Why is Time such a niggard of hair, being, as it is,
	so plentiful an excrement?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Because it is a blessing that he bestows on beasts;
	and what he hath scanted men in hair he hath given them in wit.

OF SYRACUSE	Why, but there's many a man hath more hair than wit.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Not a man of those but he hath the wit to lose his hair.

OF SYRACUSE	Why, thou didst conclude hairy men plain dealers without wit.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	The plainer dealer, the sooner lost: yet he loseth
	it in a kind of jollity.

OF SYRACUSE	For what reason?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	For two; and sound ones too.

OF SYRACUSE	Nay, not sound, I pray you.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Sure ones, then.

OF SYRACUSE	Nay, not sure, in a thing falsing.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Certain ones then.

OF SYRACUSE	Name them.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	The one, to save the money that he spends in
	trimming; the other, that at dinner they should not
	drop in his porridge.

OF SYRACUSE	You would all this time have proved there is no
	time for all things.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Marry, and did, sir; namely, no time to recover hair
	lost by nature.

OF SYRACUSE	But your reason was not substantial, why there is no
	time to recover.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Thus I mend it: Time himself is bald and therefore
	to the world's end will have bald followers.

OF SYRACUSE	I knew 'twould be a bald conclusion:
	But, soft! who wafts us yonder?


ADRIANA	Ay, ay, Antipholus, look strange and frown:
	Some other mistress hath thy sweet aspects;
	I am not Adriana nor thy wife.
	The time was once when thou unurged wouldst vow
	That never words were music to thine ear,
	That never object pleasing in thine eye,
	That never touch well welcome to thy hand,
	That never meat sweet-savor'd in thy taste,
	Unless I spake, or look'd, or touch'd, or carved to thee.
	How comes it now, my husband, O, how comes it,
	That thou art thus estranged from thyself?
	Thyself I call it, being strange to me,
	That, undividable, incorporate,
	Am better than thy dear self's better part.
	Ah, do not tear away thyself from me!
	For know, my love, as easy mayest thou fall
	A drop of water in the breaking gulf,
	And take unmingled that same drop again,
	Without addition or diminishing,
	As take from me thyself and not me too.
	How dearly would it touch me to the quick,
	Shouldst thou but hear I were licentious
	And that this body, consecrate to thee,
	By ruffian lust should be contaminate!
	Wouldst thou not spit at me and spurn at me
	And hurl the name of husband in my face
	And tear the stain'd skin off my harlot-brow
	And from my false hand cut the wedding-ring
	And break it with a deep-divorcing vow?
	I know thou canst; and therefore see thou do it.
	I am possess'd with an adulterate blot;
	My blood is mingled with the crime of lust:
	For if we too be one and thou play false,
	I do digest the poison of thy flesh,
	Being strumpeted by thy contagion.
	Keep then far league and truce with thy true bed;
	I live unstain'd, thou undishonoured.

OF SYRACUSE	Plead you to me, fair dame? I know you not:
	In Ephesus I am but two hours old,
	As strange unto your town as to your talk;
	Who, every word by all my wit being scann'd,
	Want wit in all one word to understand.

LUCIANA	Fie, brother! how the world is changed with you!
	When were you wont to use my sister thus?
	She sent for you by Dromio home to dinner.



ADRIANA	By thee; and this thou didst return from him,
	That he did buffet thee, and, in his blows,
	Denied my house for his, me for his wife.

OF SYRACUSE	Did you converse, sir, with this gentlewoman?
	What is the course and drift of your compact?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	I, sir? I never saw her till this time.

OF SYRACUSE	Villain, thou liest; for even her very words
	Didst thou deliver to me on the mart.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	I never spake with her in all my life.

OF SYRACUSE	How can she thus then call us by our names,
	Unless it be by inspiration.

ADRIANA	How ill agrees it with your gravity
	To counterfeit thus grossly with your slave,
	Abetting him to thwart me in my mood!
	Be it my wrong you are from me exempt,
	But wrong not that wrong with a more contempt.
	Come, I will fasten on this sleeve of thine:
	Thou art an elm, my husband, I a vine,
	Whose weakness, married to thy stronger state,
	Makes me with thy strength to communicate:
	If aught possess thee from me, it is dross,
	Usurping ivy, brier, or idle moss;
	Who, all for want of pruning, with intrusion
	Infect thy sap and live on thy confusion.

OF SYRACUSE	To me she speaks; she moves me for her theme:
	What, was I married to her in my dream?
	Or sleep I now and think I hear all this?
	What error drives our eyes and ears amiss?
	Until I know this sure uncertainty,
	I'll entertain the offer'd fallacy.

LUCIANA	Dromio, go bid the servants spread for dinner.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	O, for my beads! I cross me for a sinner.
	This is the fairy land: O spite of spites!
	We talk with goblins, owls and sprites:
	If we obey them not, this will ensue,
	They'll suck our breath, or pinch us black and blue.

LUCIANA	Why pratest thou to thyself and answer'st not?
	Dromio, thou drone, thou snail, thou slug, thou sot!

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	I am transformed, master, am I not?

OF SYRACUSE	I think thou art in mind, and so am I.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Nay, master, both in mind and in my shape.

OF SYRACUSE	Thou hast thine own form.


LUCIANA	If thou art changed to aught, 'tis to an ass.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	'Tis true; she rides me and I long for grass.
	'Tis so, I am an ass; else it could never be
	But I should know her as well as she knows me.

ADRIANA	Come, come, no longer will I be a fool,
	To put the finger in the eye and weep,
	Whilst man and master laugh my woes to scorn.
	Come, sir, to dinner. Dromio, keep the gate.
	Husband, I'll dine above with you to-day
	And shrive you of a thousand idle pranks.
	Sirrah, if any ask you for your master,
	Say he dines forth, and let no creature enter.
	Come, sister. Dromio, play the porter well.

OF SYRACUSE	Am I in earth, in heaven, or in hell?
	Sleeping or waking? mad or well-advised?
	Known unto these, and to myself disguised!
	I'll say as they say and persever so,
	And in this mist at all adventures go.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Master, shall I be porter at the gate?

ADRIANA	Ay; and let none enter, lest I break your pate.

LUCIANA	Come, come, Antipholus, we dine too late.




SCENE I	Before the house of ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus.

	[Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus, DROMIO of Ephesus,

OF EPHESUS	Good Signior Angelo, you must excuse us all;
	My wife is shrewish when I keep not hours:
	Say that I linger'd with you at your shop
	To see the making of her carcanet,
	And that to-morrow you will bring it home.
	But here's a villain that would face me down
	He met me on the mart, and that I beat him,
	And charged him with a thousand marks in gold,
	And that I did deny my wife and house.
	Thou drunkard, thou, what didst thou mean by this?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Say what you will, sir, but I know what I know;
	That you beat me at the mart, I have your hand to show:
	If the skin were parchment, and the blows you gave were ink,
	Your own handwriting would tell you what I think.

OF EPHESUS	I think thou art an ass.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Marry, so it doth appear
	By the wrongs I suffer and the blows I bear.
	I should kick, being kick'd; and, being at that pass,
	You would keep from my heels and beware of an ass.

OF EPHESUS	You're sad, Signior Balthazar: pray God our cheer
	May answer my good will and your good welcome here.

BALTHAZAR	I hold your dainties cheap, sir, and your
	welcome dear.

OF EPHESUS	O, Signior Balthazar, either at flesh or fish,
	A table full of welcome make scarce one dainty dish.

BALTHAZAR	Good meat, sir, is common; that every churl affords.

OF EPHESUS	And welcome more common; for that's nothing but words.

BALTHAZAR	Small cheer and great welcome makes a merry feast.

OF EPHESUS	Ay, to a niggardly host, and more sparing guest:
	But though my cates be mean, take them in good part;
	Better cheer may you have, but not with better heart.
	But, soft! my door is lock'd. Go bid them let us in.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Maud, Bridget, Marian, Cicel, Gillian, Ginn!

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	[Within]  Mome, malt-horse, capon, coxcomb,
	idiot, patch!
	Either get thee from the door, or sit down at the hatch.
	Dost thou conjure for wenches, that thou call'st
	for such store,
	When one is one too many? Go, get thee from the door.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	What patch is made our porter? My master stays in
	the street.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	[Within]  Let him walk from whence he came, lest he
	catch cold on's feet.

OF EPHESUS	Who talks within there? ho, open the door!

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	[Within]  Right, sir; I'll tell you when, an you tell
	me wherefore.

OF EPHESUS	Wherefore? for my dinner: I have not dined to-day.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	[Within]  Nor to-day here you must not; come again
	when you may.

OF EPHESUS	What art thou that keepest me out from the house I owe?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	[Within]  The porter for this time, sir, and my name
	is Dromio.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	O villain! thou hast stolen both mine office and my name.
	The one ne'er got me credit, the other mickle blame.
	If thou hadst been Dromio to-day in my place,
	Thou wouldst have changed thy face for a name or thy
	name for an ass.

LUCE	[Within]  What a coil is there, Dromio? who are those
	at the gate?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Let my master in, Luce.

LUCE	[Within]  Faith, no; he comes too late;
	And so tell your master.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	O Lord, I must laugh!
	Have at you with a proverb--Shall I set in my staff?

LUCE	[Within]  Have at you with another; that's--When?
	can you tell?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	[Within]  If thy name be call'd Luce--Luce, thou hast
	answered him well.

ANTIPHOLUS	Do you hear, you minion? you'll let us in, I hope?

LUCE	[Within]  I thought to have asked you.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	[Within]  And you said no.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	So, come, help: well struck! there was blow for blow.

OF EPHESUS	Thou baggage, let me in.

LUCE	[Within]  Can you tell for whose sake?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Master, knock the door hard.

LUCE	[Within]  Let him knock till it ache.

OF EPHESUS	You'll cry for this, minion, if I beat the door down.

LUCE	[Within]  What needs all that, and a pair of stocks in the town?

ADRIANA	[Within]  Who is that at the door that keeps all
	this noise?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	[Within]  By my troth, your town is troubled with
	unruly boys.

OF EPHESUS	Are you there, wife? you might have come before.

ADRIANA	[Within]  Your wife, sir knave! go get you from the door.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	If you went in pain, master, this 'knave' would go sore.

ANGELO	Here is neither cheer, sir, nor welcome: we would
	fain have either.

BALTHAZAR	In debating which was best, we shall part with neither.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	They stand at the door, master; bid them welcome hither.

OF EPHESUS	There is something in the wind, that we cannot get in.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	You would say so, master, if your garments were thin.
	Your cake there is warm within; you stand here in the cold:
	It would make a man mad as a buck, to be so bought and sold.

OF EPHESUS	Go fetch me something: I'll break ope the gate.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	[Within]  Break any breaking here, and I'll break your
	knave's pate.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	A man may break a word with you, sir, and words are but wind,
	Ay, and break it in your face, so he break it not behind.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	[Within]  It seems thou want'st breaking: out upon
	thee, hind!

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Here's too much 'out upon thee!' I pray thee,
	let me in.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	[Within]  Ay, when fowls have no feathers and fish have no fin.

OF EPHESUS	Well, I'll break in: go borrow me a crow.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	A crow without feather? Master, mean you so?
	For a fish without a fin, there's a fowl without a feather;
	If a crow help us in, sirrah, we'll pluck a crow together.

OF EPHESUS	Go get thee gone; fetch me an iron crow.

BALTHAZAR	Have patience, sir; O, let it not be so!
	Herein you war against your reputation
	And draw within the compass of suspect
	The unviolated honour of your wife.
	Once this,--your long experience of her wisdom,
	Her sober virtue, years and modesty,
	Plead on her part some cause to you unknown:
	And doubt not, sir, but she will well excuse
	Why at this time the doors are made against you.
	Be ruled by me: depart in patience,
	And let us to the Tiger all to dinner,
	And about evening come yourself alone
	To know the reason of this strange restraint.
	If by strong hand you offer to break in
	Now in the stirring passage of the day,
	A vulgar comment will be made of it,
	And that supposed by the common rout
	Against your yet ungalled estimation
	That may with foul intrusion enter in
	And dwell upon your grave when you are dead;
	For slander lives upon succession,
	For ever housed where it gets possession.

OF EPHESUS	You have prevailed: I will depart in quiet,
	And, in despite of mirth, mean to be merry.
	I know a wench of excellent discourse,
	Pretty and witty; wild, and yet, too, gentle:
	There will we dine. This woman that I mean,
	My wife--but, I protest, without desert--
	Hath oftentimes upbraided me withal:
	To her will we to dinner.

	[To Angelo]

		    Get you home
	And fetch the chain; by this I know 'tis made:
	Bring it, I pray you, to the Porpentine;
	For there's the house: that chain will I bestow--
	Be it for nothing but to spite my wife--
	Upon mine hostess there: good sir, make haste.
	Since mine own doors refuse to entertain me,
	I'll knock elsewhere, to see if they'll disdain me.

ANGELO	I'll meet you at that place some hour hence.

OF EPHESUS	Do so. This jest shall cost me some expense.




SCENE II	The same.

	[Enter LUCIANA and ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse]

LUCIANA	And may it be that you have quite forgot
	A husband's office? shall, Antipholus.
	Even in the spring of love, thy love-springs rot?
	Shall love, in building, grow so ruinous?
	If you did wed my sister for her wealth,
	Then for her wealth's sake use her with more kindness:
	Or if you like elsewhere, do it by stealth;
	Muffle your false love with some show of blindness:
	Let not my sister read it in your eye;
	Be not thy tongue thy own shame's orator;
	Look sweet, be fair, become disloyalty;
	Apparel vice like virtue's harbinger;
	Bear a fair presence, though your heart be tainted;
	Teach sin the carriage of a holy saint;
	Be secret-false: what need she be acquainted?
	What simple thief brags of his own attaint?
	'Tis double wrong, to truant with your bed
	And let her read it in thy looks at board:
	Shame hath a bastard fame, well managed;
	Ill deeds are doubled with an evil word.
	Alas, poor women! make us but believe,
	Being compact of credit, that you love us;
	Though others have the arm, show us the sleeve;
	We in your motion turn and you may move us.
	Then, gentle brother, get you in again;
	Comfort my sister, cheer her, call her wife:
	'Tis holy sport to be a little vain,
	When the sweet breath of flattery conquers strife.

OF SYRACUSE	Sweet mistress--what your name is else, I know not,
	Nor by what wonder you do hit of mine,--
	Less in your knowledge and your grace you show not
	Than our earth's wonder, more than earth divine.
	Teach me, dear creature, how to think and speak;
	Lay open to my earthy-gross conceit,
	Smother'd in errors, feeble, shallow, weak,
	The folded meaning of your words' deceit.
	Against my soul's pure truth why labour you
	To make it wander in an unknown field?
	Are you a god? would you create me new?
	Transform me then, and to your power I'll yield.
	But if that I am I, then well I know
	Your weeping sister is no wife of mine,
	Nor to her bed no homage do I owe
	Far more, far more to you do I decline.
	O, train me not, sweet mermaid, with thy note,
	To drown me in thy sister's flood of tears:
	Sing, siren, for thyself and I will dote:
	Spread o'er the silver waves thy golden hairs,
	And as a bed I'll take them and there lie,
	And in that glorious supposition think
	He gains by death that hath such means to die:
	Let Love, being light, be drowned if she sink!

LUCIANA	What, are you mad, that you do reason so?

OF SYRACUSE	Not mad, but mated; how, I do not know.

LUCIANA	It is a fault that springeth from your eye.

OF SYRACUSE	For gazing on your beams, fair sun, being by.

LUCIANA	Gaze where you should, and that will clear your sight.

OF SYRACUSE	As good to wink, sweet love, as look on night.

LUCIANA	Why call you me love? call my sister so.

OF SYRACUSE	Thy sister's sister.

LUCIANA	That's my sister.

	It is thyself, mine own self's better part,
	Mine eye's clear eye, my dear heart's dearer heart,
	My food, my fortune and my sweet hope's aim,
	My sole earth's heaven and my heaven's claim.

LUCIANA	All this my sister is, or else should be.

OF SYRACUSE	Call thyself sister, sweet, for I am thee.
	Thee will I love and with thee lead my life:
	Thou hast no husband yet nor I no wife.
	Give me thy hand.

LUCIANA	                  O, soft, air! hold you still:
	I'll fetch my sister, to get her good will.


	[Enter DROMIO of Syracuse]

OF SYRACUSE	Why, how now, Dromio! where runn'st thou so fast?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Do you know me, sir? am I Dromio? am I your man?
	am I myself?

OF SYRACUSE	Thou art Dromio, thou art my man, thou art thyself.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	I am an ass, I am a woman's man and besides myself.

ANTIPHOLUS	What woman's man? and how besides thyself? besides thyself?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Marry, sir, besides myself, I am due to a woman; one
	that claims me, one that haunts me, one that will have me.

OF SYRACUSE	What claim lays she to thee?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Marry sir, such claim as you would lay to your
	horse; and she would have me as a beast: not that, I
	being a beast, she would have me; but that she,
	being a very beastly creature, lays claim to me.

OF SYRACUSE	What is she?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	A very reverent body; ay, such a one as a man may
	not speak of without he say 'Sir-reverence.' I have
	but lean luck in the match, and yet is she a
	wondrous fat marriage.

OF SYRACUSE	How dost thou mean a fat marriage?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Marry, sir, she's the kitchen wench and all grease;
	and I know not what use to put her to but to make a
	lamp of her and run from her by her own light. I
	warrant, her rags and the tallow in them will burn a
	Poland winter: if she lives till doomsday,
	she'll burn a week longer than the whole world.

OF SYRACUSE	What complexion is she of?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Swart, like my shoe, but her face nothing half so
	clean kept: for why, she sweats; a man may go over
	shoes in the grime of it.

OF SYRACUSE	That's a fault that water will mend.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	No, sir, 'tis in grain; Noah's flood could not do it.

OF SYRACUSE	What's her name?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Nell, sir; but her name and three quarters, that's
	an ell and three quarters, will not measure her from
	hip to hip.

OF SYRACUSE	Then she bears some breadth?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	No longer from head to foot than from hip to hip:
	she is spherical, like a globe; I could find out
	countries in her.

OF SYRACUSE	In what part of her body stands Ireland?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Marry, in her buttocks: I found it out by the bogs.

OF SYRACUSE	Where Scotland?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	I found it by the barrenness; hard in the palm of the hand.

OF SYRACUSE	Where France?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	In her forehead; armed and reverted, making war
	against her heir.

OF SYRACUSE	Where England?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	I looked for the chalky cliffs, but I could find no
	whiteness in them; but I guess it stood in her chin,
	by the salt rheum that ran between France and it.

OF SYRACUSE	Where Spain?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Faith, I saw it not; but I felt it hot in her breath.

OF SYRACUSE	Where America, the Indies?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Oh, sir, upon her nose all o'er embellished with
	rubies, carbuncles, sapphires, declining their rich
	aspect to the hot breath of Spain; who sent whole
	armadoes of caracks to be ballast at her nose.

OF SYRACUSE	Where stood Belgia, the Netherlands?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Oh, sir, I did not look so low. To conclude, this
	drudge, or diviner, laid claim to me, call'd me
	Dromio; swore I was assured to her; told me what
	privy marks I had about me, as, the mark of my
	shoulder, the mole in my neck, the great wart on my
	left arm, that I amazed ran from her as a witch:
	And, I think, if my breast had not been made of
	faith and my heart of steel,
	She had transform'd me to a curtal dog and made
	me turn i' the wheel.

OF SYRACUSE	Go hie thee presently, post to the road:
	An if the wind blow any way from shore,
	I will not harbour in this town to-night:
	If any bark put forth, come to the mart,
	Where I will walk till thou return to me.
	If every one knows us and we know none,
	'Tis time, I think, to trudge, pack and be gone.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	As from a bear a man would run for life,
	So fly I from her that would be my wife.


OF SYRACUSE	There's none but witches do inhabit here;
	And therefore 'tis high time that I were hence.
	She that doth call me husband, even my soul
	Doth for a wife abhor. But her fair sister,
	Possess'd with such a gentle sovereign grace,
	Of such enchanting presence and discourse,
	Hath almost made me traitor to myself:
	But, lest myself be guilty to self-wrong,
	I'll stop mine ears against the mermaid's song.

	[Enter ANGELO with the chain]

ANGELO	Master Antipholus,--

OF SYRACUSE	Ay, that's my name.

ANGELO	I know it well, sir, lo, here is the chain.
	I thought to have ta'en you at the Porpentine:
	The chain unfinish'd made me stay thus long.

OF SYRACUSE	What is your will that I shall do with this?

ANGELO	What please yourself, sir: I have made it for you.

OF SYRACUSE	Made it for me, sir! I bespoke it not.

ANGELO	Not once, nor twice, but twenty times you have.
	Go home with it and please your wife withal;
	And soon at supper-time I'll visit you
	And then receive my money for the chain.

OF SYRACUSE	I pray you, sir, receive the money now,
	For fear you ne'er see chain nor money more.

ANGELO	You are a merry man, sir: fare you well.


OF SYRACUSE	What I should think of this, I cannot tell:
	But this I think, there's no man is so vain
	That would refuse so fair an offer'd chain.
	I see a man here needs not live by shifts,
	When in the streets he meets such golden gifts.
	I'll to the mart, and there for Dromio stay
	If any ship put out, then straight away.




SCENE I	A public place.

	[Enter Second Merchant, ANGELO, and an Officer]

Second Merchant	You know since Pentecost the sum is due,
	And since I have not much importuned you;
	Nor now I had not, but that I am bound
	To Persia, and want guilders for my voyage:
	Therefore make present satisfaction,
	Or I'll attach you by this officer.

ANGELO	Even just the sum that I do owe to you
	Is growing to me by Antipholus,
	And in the instant that I met with you
	He had of me a chain: at five o'clock
	I shall receive the money for the same.
	Pleaseth you walk with me down to his house,
	I will discharge my bond and thank you too.

	[Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus and DROMIO of Ephesus
	from the courtezan's]

Officer	That labour may you save: see where he comes.

OF EPHESUS	While I go to the goldsmith's house, go thou
	And buy a rope's end: that will I bestow
	Among my wife and her confederates,
	For locking me out of my doors by day.
	But, soft! I see the goldsmith. Get thee gone;
	Buy thou a rope and bring it home to me.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	I buy a thousand pound a year: I buy a rope.


OF EPHESUS	A man is well holp up that trusts to you:
	I promised your presence and the chain;
	But neither chain nor goldsmith came to me.
	Belike you thought our love would last too long,
	If it were chain'd together, and therefore came not.

ANGELO	Saving your merry humour, here's the note
	How much your chain weighs to the utmost carat,
	The fineness of the gold and chargeful fashion.
	Which doth amount to three odd ducats more
	Than I stand debted to this gentleman:
	I pray you, see him presently discharged,
	For he is bound to sea and stays but for it.

OF EPHESUS	I am not furnish'd with the present money;
	Besides, I have some business in the town.
	Good signior, take the stranger to my house
	And with you take the chain and bid my wife
	Disburse the sum on the receipt thereof:
	Perchance I will be there as soon as you.

ANGELO	Then you will bring the chain to her yourself?

OF EPHESUS	No; bear it with you, lest I come not time enough.

ANGELO	Well, sir, I will. Have you the chain about you?

OF EPHESUS	An if I have not, sir, I hope you have;
	Or else you may return without your money.

ANGELO	Nay, come, I pray you, sir, give me the chain:
	Both wind and tide stays for this gentleman,
	And I, to blame, have held him here too long.

OF EPHESUS	Good Lord! you use this dalliance to excuse
	Your breach of promise to the Porpentine.
	I should have chid you for not bringing it,
	But, like a shrew, you first begin to brawl.

Second Merchant	The hour steals on; I pray you, sir, dispatch.

ANGELO	You hear how he importunes me;--the chain!

OF EPHESUS	Why, give it to my wife and fetch your money.

ANGELO	Come, come, you know I gave it you even now.
	Either send the chain or send me by some token.

OF EPHESUS	Fie, now you run this humour out of breath,
	where's the chain? I pray you, let me see it.

Second Merchant	My business cannot brook this dalliance.
	Good sir, say whether you'll answer me or no:
	If not, I'll leave him to the officer.

OF EPHESUS	I answer you! what should I answer you?

ANGELO	The money that you owe me for the chain.

OF EPHESUS	I owe you none till I receive the chain.

ANGELO	You know I gave it you half an hour since.

OF EPHESUS	You gave me none: you wrong me much to say so.

ANGELO	You wrong me more, sir, in denying it:
	Consider how it stands upon my credit.

Second Merchant	Well, officer, arrest him at my suit.

Officer	I do; and charge you in the duke's name to obey me.

ANGELO	This touches me in reputation.
	Either consent to pay this sum for me
	Or I attach you by this officer.

OF EPHESUS	Consent to pay thee that I never had!
	Arrest me, foolish fellow, if thou darest.

ANGELO	Here is thy fee; arrest him, officer,
	I would not spare my brother in this case,
	If he should scorn me so apparently.

Officer	I do arrest you, sir: you hear the suit.

OF EPHESUS	I do obey thee till I give thee bail.
	But, sirrah, you shall buy this sport as dear
	As all the metal in your shop will answer.

ANGELO	Sir, sir, I will have law in Ephesus,
	To your notorious shame; I doubt it not.

	[Enter DROMIO of Syracuse, from the bay]

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Master, there is a bark of Epidamnum
	That stays but till her owner comes aboard,
	And then, sir, she bears away. Our fraughtage, sir,
	I have convey'd aboard; and I have bought
	The oil, the balsamum and aqua-vitae.
	The ship is in her trim; the merry wind
	Blows fair from land: they stay for nought at all
	But for their owner, master, and yourself.

OF EPHESUS	How now! a madman! Why, thou peevish sheep,
	What ship of Epidamnum stays for me?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	A ship you sent me to, to hire waftage.

OF EPHESUS	Thou drunken slave, I sent thee for a rope;
	And told thee to what purpose and what end.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	You sent me for a rope's end as soon:
	You sent me to the bay, sir, for a bark.

OF EPHESUS	I will debate this matter at more leisure
	And teach your ears to list me with more heed.
	To Adriana, villain, hie thee straight:
	Give her this key, and tell her, in the desk
	That's cover'd o'er with Turkish tapestry,
	There is a purse of ducats; let her send it:
	Tell her I am arrested in the street
	And that shall bail me; hie thee, slave, be gone!
	On, officer, to prison till it come.

	[Exeunt Second Merchant, Angelo, Officer, and
	Antipholus of Ephesus]

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	To Adriana! that is where we dined,
	Where Dowsabel did claim me for her husband:
	She is too big, I hope, for me to compass.
	Thither I must, although against my will,
	For servants must their masters' minds fulfil.




SCENE II	The house of ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus.


ADRIANA	Ah, Luciana, did he tempt thee so?
	Mightst thou perceive austerely in his eye
	That he did plead in earnest? yea or no?
	Look'd he or red or pale, or sad or merrily?
	What observation madest thou in this case
	Of his heart's meteors tilting in his face?

LUCIANA	First he denied you had in him no right.

ADRIANA	He meant he did me none; the more my spite.

LUCIANA	Then swore he that he was a stranger here.

ADRIANA	And true he swore, though yet forsworn he were.

LUCIANA	Then pleaded I for you.

ADRIANA	And what said he?

LUCIANA	That love I begg'd for you he begg'd of me.

ADRIANA	With what persuasion did he tempt thy love?

LUCIANA	With words that in an honest suit might move.
	First he did praise my beauty, then my speech.

ADRIANA	Didst speak him fair?

LUCIANA	Have patience, I beseech.

ADRIANA	I cannot, nor I will not, hold me still;
	My tongue, though not my heart, shall have his will.
	He is deformed, crooked, old and sere,
	Ill-faced, worse bodied, shapeless everywhere;
	Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind;
	Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.

LUCIANA	Who would be jealous then of such a one?
	No evil lost is wail'd when it is gone.

ADRIANA	Ah, but I think him better than I say,
	And yet would herein others' eyes were worse.
	Far from her nest the lapwing cries away:
	My heart prays for him, though my tongue do curse.

	[Enter DROMIO of Syracuse]

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Here! go; the desk, the purse! sweet, now, make haste.

LUCIANA	How hast thou lost thy breath?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	By running fast.

ADRIANA	Where is thy master, Dromio? is he well?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	No, he's in Tartar limbo, worse than hell.
	A devil in an everlasting garment hath him;
	One whose hard heart is button'd up with steel;
	A fiend, a fury, pitiless and rough;
	A wolf, nay, worse, a fellow all in buff;
	A back-friend, a shoulder-clapper, one that
	The passages of alleys, creeks and narrow lands;
	A hound that runs counter and yet draws dryfoot well;
	One that before the judgement carries poor souls to hell.

ADRIANA	Why, man, what is the matter?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	I do not know the matter: he is 'rested on the case.

ADRIANA	What, is he arrested? Tell me at whose suit.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	I know not at whose suit he is arrested well;
	But he's in a suit of buff which 'rested him, that can I tell.
	Will you send him, mistress, redemption, the money in his desk?

ADRIANA	Go fetch it, sister.

	[Exit Luciana]

		This I wonder at,
	That he, unknown to me, should be in debt.
	Tell me, was he arrested on a band?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Not on a band, but on a stronger thing;
	A chain, a chain! Do you not hear it ring?

ADRIANA	What, the chain?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	No, no, the bell: 'tis time that I were gone:
	It was two ere I left him, and now the clock
	strikes one.

ADRIANA	The hours come back! that did I never hear.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	O, yes; if any hour meet a sergeant, a' turns back for
	very fear.

ADRIANA	As if Time were in debt! how fondly dost thou reason!

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Time is a very bankrupt, and owes more than he's
	worth, to season.
	Nay, he's a thief too: have you not heard men say
	That Time comes stealing on by night and day?
	If Time be in debt and theft, and a sergeant in the way,
	Hath he not reason to turn back an hour in a day?

	[Re-enter LUCIANA with a purse]

ADRIANA	Go, Dromio; there's the money, bear it straight;
	And bring thy master home immediately.
	Come, sister: I am press'd down with conceit--
	Conceit, my comfort and my injury.




SCENE III	A public place.

	[Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse]

OF SYRACUSE	There's not a man I meet but doth salute me
	As if I were their well-acquainted friend;
	And every one doth call me by my name.
	Some tender money to me; some invite me;
	Some other give me thanks for kindnesses;
	Some offer me commodities to buy:
	Even now a tailor call'd me in his shop
	And show'd me silks that he had bought for me,
	And therewithal took measure of my body.
	Sure, these are but imaginary wiles
	And Lapland sorcerers inhabit here.


DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Master, here's the gold you sent me for. What, have
	you got the picture of old Adam new-apparelled?

OF SYRACUSE	What gold is this? what Adam dost thou mean?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Not that Adam that kept the Paradise but that Adam
	that keeps the prison: he that goes in the calf's
	skin that was killed for the Prodigal; he that came
	behind you, sir, like an evil angel, and bid you
	forsake your liberty.

OF SYRACUSE	I understand thee not.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	No? why, 'tis a plain case: he that went, like a
	bass-viol, in a case of leather; the man, sir,
	that, when gentlemen are tired, gives them a sob
	and 'rests them; he, sir, that takes pity on decayed
	men and gives them suits of durance; he that sets up
	his rest to do more exploits with his mace than a

OF SYRACUSE	What, thou meanest an officer?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Ay, sir, the sergeant of the band, he that brings
	any man to answer it that breaks his band; one that
	thinks a man always going to bed, and says, 'God
	give you good rest!'

OF SYRACUSE	Well, sir, there rest in your foolery. Is there any

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Why, sir, I brought you word an hour since that the
	bark Expedition put forth to-night; and then were
	you hindered by the sergeant, to tarry for the hoy
	Delay. Here are the angels that you sent for to
	deliver you.

OF SYRACUSE	The fellow is distract, and so am I;
	And here we wander in illusions:
	Some blessed power deliver us from hence!

	[Enter a Courtezan]

Courtezan	Well met, well met, Master Antipholus.
	I see, sir, you have found the goldsmith now:
	Is that the chain you promised me to-day?

OF SYRACUSE	Satan, avoid! I charge thee, tempt me not.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Master, is this Mistress Satan?

OF SYRACUSE	It is the devil.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Nay, she is worse, she is the devil's dam; and here
	she comes in the habit of a light wench: and thereof
	comes that the wenches say 'God damn me;' that's as
	much to say 'God make me a light wench.' It is
	written, they appear to men like angels of light:
	light is an effect of fire, and fire will burn;
	ergo, light wenches will burn. Come not near her.

Courtezan	Your man and you are marvellous merry, sir.
	Will you go with me? We'll mend our dinner here?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Master, if you do, expect spoon-meat; or bespeak a
	long spoon.

OF SYRACUSE	Why, Dromio?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Marry, he must have a long spoon that must eat with
	the devil.

OF SYRACUSE	Avoid then, fiend! what tell'st thou me of supping?
	Thou art, as you are all, a sorceress:
	I conjure thee to leave me and be gone.

Courtezan	Give me the ring of mine you had at dinner,
	Or, for my diamond, the chain you promised,
	And I'll be gone, sir, and not trouble you.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Some devils ask but the parings of one's nail,
	A rush, a hair, a drop of blood, a pin,
	A nut, a cherry-stone;
	But she, more covetous, would have a chain.
	Master, be wise: an if you give it her,
	The devil will shake her chain and fright us with it.

Courtezan	I pray you, sir, my ring, or else the chain:
	I hope you do not mean to cheat me so.

OF SYRACUSE	Avaunt, thou witch! Come, Dromio, let us go.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	'Fly pride,' says the peacock: mistress, that you know.

	[Exeunt Antipholus of Syracuse and Dromio of Syracuse]

Courtezan	Now, out of doubt Antipholus is mad,
	Else would he never so demean himself.
	A ring he hath of mine worth forty ducats,
	And for the same he promised me a chain:
	Both one and other he denies me now.
	The reason that I gather he is mad,
	Besides this present instance of his rage,
	Is a mad tale he told to-day at dinner,
	Of his own doors being shut against his entrance.
	Belike his wife, acquainted with his fits,
	On purpose shut the doors against his way.
	My way is now to hie home to his house,
	And tell his wife that, being lunatic,
	He rush'd into my house and took perforce
	My ring away. This course I fittest choose;
	For forty ducats is too much to lose.




SCENE IV	A street.

	[Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus and the Officer]

OF EPHESUS	Fear me not, man; I will not break away:
	I'll give thee, ere I leave thee, so much money,
	To warrant thee, as I am 'rested for.
	My wife is in a wayward mood to-day,
	And will not lightly trust the messenger
	That I should be attach'd in Ephesus,
	I tell you, 'twill sound harshly in her ears.

	[Enter DROMIO of Ephesus with a rope's-end]

	Here comes my man; I think he brings the money.
	How now, sir! have you that I sent you for?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Here's that, I warrant you, will pay them all.

OF EPHESUS	But where's the money?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Why, sir, I gave the money for the rope.

OF EPHESUS	Five hundred ducats, villain, for a rope?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	I'll serve you, sir, five hundred at the rate.

OF EPHESUS	To what end did I bid thee hie thee home?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	To a rope's-end, sir; and to that end am I returned.

OF EPHESUS	And to that end, sir, I will welcome you.

	[Beating him]

Officer	Good sir, be patient.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Nay, 'tis for me to be patient; I am in adversity.

Officer	Good, now, hold thy tongue.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Nay, rather persuade him to hold his hands.

OF EPHESUS	Thou whoreson, senseless villain!

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	I would I were senseless, sir, that I might not feel
	your blows.

ANTIPHOLUS	Thou art sensible in nothing but blows, and so is an

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	I am an ass, indeed; you may prove it by my long
	ears. I have served him from the hour of my
	nativity to this instant, and have nothing at his
	hands for my service but blows. When I am cold, he
	heats me with beating; when I am warm, he cools me
	with beating; I am waked with it when I sleep;
	raised with it when I sit; driven out of doors with
	it when I go from home; welcomed home with it when
	I return; nay, I bear it on my shoulders, as a
	beggar wont her brat; and, I think when he hath
	lamed me, I shall beg with it from door to door.

OF EPHESUS	Come, go along; my wife is coming yonder.

	[Enter ADRIANA, LUCIANA, the Courtezan, and PINCH]

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Mistress, 'respice finem,' respect your end; or
	rather, the prophecy like the parrot, 'beware the

OF EPHESUS	Wilt thou still talk?

	[Beating him]

Courtezan	How say you now? is not your husband mad?

ADRIANA	His incivility confirms no less.
	Good Doctor Pinch, you are a conjurer;
	Establish him in his true sense again,
	And I will please you what you will demand.

LUCIANA	Alas, how fiery and how sharp he looks!

Courtezan	Mark how he trembles in his ecstasy!

PINCH	Give me your hand and let me feel your pulse.

OF EPHESUS	There is my hand, and let it feel your ear.

	[Striking him]

PINCH	I charge thee, Satan, housed within this man,
	To yield possession to my holy prayers
	And to thy state of darkness hie thee straight:
	I conjure thee by all the saints in heaven!

OF EPHESUS	Peace, doting wizard, peace! I am not mad.

ADRIANA	O, that thou wert not, poor distressed soul!

OF EPHESUS	You minion, you, are these your customers?
	Did this companion with the saffron face
	Revel and feast it at my house to-day,
	Whilst upon me the guilty doors were shut
	And I denied to enter in my house?

ADRIANA	O husband, God doth know you dined at home;
	Where would you had remain'd until this time,
	Free from these slanders and this open shame!

OF EPHESUS	Dined at home! Thou villain, what sayest thou?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Sir, sooth to say, you did not dine at home.

OF EPHESUS	Were not my doors lock'd up and I shut out?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Perdie, your doors were lock'd and you shut out.

OF EPHESUS	And did not she herself revile me there?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Sans fable, she herself reviled you there.

OF EPHESUS	Did not her kitchen-maid rail, taunt, and scorn me?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Certes, she did; the kitchen-vestal scorn'd you.

OF EPHESUS	And did not I in rage depart from thence?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	In verity you did; my bones bear witness,
	That since have felt the vigour of his rage.

ADRIANA	Is't good to soothe him in these contraries?

PINCH	It is no shame: the fellow finds his vein,
	And yielding to him humours well his frenzy.

OF EPHESUS	Thou hast suborn'd the goldsmith to arrest me.

ADRIANA	Alas, I sent you money to redeem you,
	By Dromio here, who came in haste for it.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Money by me! heart and goodwill you might;
	But surely master, not a rag of money.

OF EPHESUS	Went'st not thou to her for a purse of ducats?

ADRIANA	He came to me and I deliver'd it.

LUCIANA	And I am witness with her that she did.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	God and the rope-maker bear me witness
	That I was sent for nothing but a rope!

PINCH	Mistress, both man and master is possess'd;
	I know it by their pale and deadly looks:
	They must be bound and laid in some dark room.

OF EPHESUS	Say, wherefore didst thou lock me forth to-day?
	And why dost thou deny the bag of gold?

ADRIANA	I did not, gentle husband, lock thee forth.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	And, gentle master, I received no gold;
	But I confess, sir, that we were lock'd out.

ADRIANA	Dissembling villain, thou speak'st false in both.

OF EPHESUS	Dissembling harlot, thou art false in all;
	And art confederate with a damned pack
	To make a loathsome abject scorn of me:
	But with these nails I'll pluck out these false eyes
	That would behold in me this shameful sport.

	[Enter three or four, and offer to bind him.
	He strives]

ADRIANA	O, bind him, bind him! let him not come near me.

PINCH	More company! The fiend is strong within him.

LUCIANA	Ay me, poor man, how pale and wan he looks!

OF EPHESUS	What, will you murder me? Thou gaoler, thou,
	I am thy prisoner: wilt thou suffer them
	To make a rescue?

Officer	                  Masters, let him go
	He is my prisoner, and you shall not have him.

PINCH	Go bind this man, for he is frantic too.

	[They offer to bind Dromio of Ephesus]

ADRIANA	What wilt thou do, thou peevish officer?
	Hast thou delight to see a wretched man
	Do outrage and displeasure to himself?

Officer	He is my prisoner: if I let him go,
	The debt he owes will be required of me.

ADRIANA	I will discharge thee ere I go from thee:
	Bear me forthwith unto his creditor,
	And, knowing how the debt grows, I will pay it.
	Good master doctor, see him safe convey'd
	Home to my house. O most unhappy day!

OF EPHESUS	O most unhappy strumpet!

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Master, I am here entered in bond for you.

OF EPHESUS	Out on thee, villain! wherefore dost thou mad me?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Will you be bound for nothing? be mad, good master:
	cry 'The devil!'

LUCIANA	God help, poor souls, how idly do they talk!

ADRIANA	Go bear him hence. Sister, go you with me.

	[Exeunt all but Adriana, Luciana, Officer and

	Say now, whose suit is he arrested at?

Officer	One Angelo, a goldsmith: do you know him?

ADRIANA	I know the man. What is the sum he owes?

Officer	Two hundred ducats.

ADRIANA	Say, how grows it due?

Officer	Due for a chain your husband had of him.

ADRIANA	He did bespeak a chain for me, but had it not.

Courtezan	When as your husband all in rage to-day
	Came to my house and took away my ring--
	The ring I saw upon his finger now--
	Straight after did I meet him with a chain.

ADRIANA	It may be so, but I did never see it.
	Come, gaoler, bring me where the goldsmith is:
	I long to know the truth hereof at large.

	[Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse with his rapier drawn,
	and DROMIO of Syracuse]

LUCIANA	God, for thy mercy! they are loose again.

ADRIANA	And come with naked swords.
	Let's call more help to have them bound again.

Officer	Away! they'll kill us.

	[Exeunt all but Antipholus of Syracuse and Dromio
	of Syracuse]

OF SYRACUSE	I see these witches are afraid of swords.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	She that would be your wife now ran from you.

OF SYRACUSE	Come to the Centaur; fetch our stuff from thence:
	I long that we were safe and sound aboard.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Faith, stay here this night; they will surely do us
	no harm: you saw they speak us fair, give us gold:
	methinks they are such a gentle nation that, but for
	the mountain of mad flesh that claims marriage of
	me, I could find in my heart to stay here still and
	turn witch.

OF SYRACUSE	I will not stay to-night for all the town;
	Therefore away, to get our stuff aboard.




SCENE I	A street before a Priory.

	[Enter Second Merchant and ANGELO]

ANGELO	I am sorry, sir, that I have hinder'd you;
	But, I protest, he had the chain of me,
	Though most dishonestly he doth deny it.

Second Merchant	How is the man esteemed here in the city?

ANGELO	Of very reverend reputation, sir,
	Of credit infinite, highly beloved,
	Second to none that lives here in the city:
	His word might bear my wealth at any time.

Second Merchant	Speak softly; yonder, as I think, he walks.

	[Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse and DROMIO of Syracuse]

ANGELO	'Tis so; and that self chain about his neck
	Which he forswore most monstrously to have.
	Good sir, draw near to me, I'll speak to him.
	Signior Antipholus, I wonder much
	That you would put me to this shame and trouble;
	And, not without some scandal to yourself,
	With circumstance and oaths so to deny
	This chain which now you wear so openly:
	Beside the charge, the shame, imprisonment,
	You have done wrong to this my honest friend,
	Who, but for staying on our controversy,
	Had hoisted sail and put to sea to-day:
	This chain you had of me; can you deny it?

OF SYRACUSE	I think I had; I never did deny it.

Second Merchant	Yes, that you did, sir, and forswore it too.

OF SYRACUSE	Who heard me to deny it or forswear it?

Second Merchant	These ears of mine, thou know'st did hear thee.
	Fie on thee, wretch! 'tis pity that thou livest
	To walk where any honest man resort.

OF SYRACUSE	Thou art a villain to impeach me thus:
	I'll prove mine honour and mine honesty
	Against thee presently, if thou darest stand.

Second Merchant	I dare, and do defy thee for a villain.

	[They draw]

	[Enter ADRIANA, LUCIANA, the Courtezan, and others]

ADRIANA	Hold, hurt him not, for God's sake! he is mad.
	Some get within him, take his sword away:
	Bind Dromio too, and bear them to my house.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Run, master, run; for God's sake, take a house!
	This is some priory. In, or we are spoil'd!

	[Exeunt Antipholus of Syracuse and Dromio of Syracuse
	to the Priory]

	[Enter the Lady Abbess, AEMILIA]

AEMELIA	Be quiet, people. Wherefore throng you hither?

ADRIANA	To fetch my poor distracted husband hence.
	Let us come in, that we may bind him fast
	And bear him home for his recovery.

ANGELO	I knew he was not in his perfect wits.

Second Merchant	I am sorry now that I did draw on him.

AEMELIA	How long hath this possession held the man?

ADRIANA	This week he hath been heavy, sour, sad,
	And much different from the man he was;
	But till this afternoon his passion
	Ne'er brake into extremity of rage.

AEMELIA	Hath he not lost much wealth by wreck of sea?
	Buried some dear friend? Hath not else his eye
	Stray'd his affection in unlawful love?
	A sin prevailing much in youthful men,
	Who give their eyes the liberty of gazing.
	Which of these sorrows is he subject to?

ADRIANA	To none of these, except it be the last;
	Namely, some love that drew him oft from home.

AEMELIA	You should for that have reprehended him.

ADRIANA	Why, so I did.

AEMELIA	                  Ay, but not rough enough.

ADRIANA	As roughly as my modesty would let me.

AEMELIA	Haply, in private.

ADRIANA	And in assemblies too.

AEMELIA	Ay, but not enough.

ADRIANA	It was the copy of our conference:
	In bed he slept not for my urging it;
	At board he fed not for my urging it;
	Alone, it was the subject of my theme;
	In company I often glanced it;
	Still did I tell him it was vile and bad.

AEMELIA	And thereof came it that the man was mad.
	The venom clamours of a jealous woman
	Poisons more deadly than a mad dog's tooth.
	It seems his sleeps were hinder'd by thy railing,
	And therefore comes it that his head is light.
	Thou say'st his meat was sauced with thy upbraidings:
	Unquiet meals make ill digestions;
	Thereof the raging fire of fever bred;
	And what's a fever but a fit of madness?
	Thou say'st his sports were hinderd by thy brawls:
	Sweet recreation barr'd, what doth ensue
	But moody and dull melancholy,
	Kinsman to grim and comfortless despair,
	And at her heels a huge infectious troop
	Of pale distemperatures and foes to life?
	In food, in sport and life-preserving rest
	To be disturb'd, would mad or man or beast:
	The consequence is then thy jealous fits
	Have scared thy husband from the use of wits.

LUCIANA	She never reprehended him but mildly,
	When he demean'd himself rough, rude and wildly.
	Why bear you these rebukes and answer not?

ADRIANA	She did betray me to my own reproof.
	Good people enter and lay hold on him.

AEMELIA	No, not a creature enters in my house.

ADRIANA	Then let your servants bring my husband forth.

AEMELIA	Neither: he took this place for sanctuary,
	And it shall privilege him from your hands
	Till I have brought him to his wits again,
	Or lose my labour in assaying it.

ADRIANA	I will attend my husband, be his nurse,
	Diet his sickness, for it is my office,
	And will have no attorney but myself;
	And therefore let me have him home with me.

AEMELIA	Be patient; for I will not let him stir
	Till I have used the approved means I have,
	With wholesome syrups, drugs and holy prayers,
	To make of him a formal man again:
	It is a branch and parcel of mine oath,
	A charitable duty of my order.
	Therefore depart and leave him here with me.

ADRIANA	I will not hence and leave my husband here:
	And ill it doth beseem your holiness
	To separate the husband and the wife.

AEMELIA	Be quiet and depart: thou shalt not have him.


LUCIANA	Complain unto the duke of this indignity.

ADRIANA	Come, go: I will fall prostrate at his feet
	And never rise until my tears and prayers
	Have won his grace to come in person hither
	And take perforce my husband from the abbess.

Second Merchant	By this, I think, the dial points at five:
	Anon, I'm sure, the duke himself in person
	Comes this way to the melancholy vale,
	The place of death and sorry execution,
	Behind the ditches of the abbey here.

ANGELO	Upon what cause?

Second Merchant	To see a reverend Syracusian merchant,
	Who put unluckily into this bay
	Against the laws and statutes of this town,
	Beheaded publicly for his offence.

ANGELO	See where they come: we will behold his death.

LUCIANA	Kneel to the duke before he pass the abbey.

	[Enter DUKE SOLINUS, attended; AEGEON bareheaded; with the
	Headsman and other Officers]

DUKE SOLINUS	Yet once again proclaim it publicly,
	If any friend will pay the sum for him,
	He shall not die; so much we tender him.

ADRIANA	Justice, most sacred duke, against the abbess!

DUKE SOLINUS	She is a virtuous and a reverend lady:
	It cannot be that she hath done thee wrong.

ADRIANA	May it please your grace, Antipholus, my husband,
	Whom I made lord of me and all I had,
	At your important letters,--this ill day
	A most outrageous fit of madness took him;
	That desperately he hurried through the street,
	With him his bondman, all as mad as he--
	Doing displeasure to the citizens
	By rushing in their houses, bearing thence
	Rings, jewels, any thing his rage did like.
	Once did I get him bound and sent him home,
	Whilst to take order for the wrongs I went,
	That here and there his fury had committed.
	Anon, I wot not by what strong escape,
	He broke from those that had the guard of him;
	And with his mad attendant and himself,
	Each one with ireful passion, with drawn swords,
	Met us again and madly bent on us,
	Chased us away; till, raising of more aid,
	We came again to bind them. Then they fled
	Into this abbey, whither we pursued them:
	And here the abbess shuts the gates on us
	And will not suffer us to fetch him out,
	Nor send him forth that we may bear him hence.
	Therefore, most gracious duke, with thy command
	Let him be brought forth and borne hence for help.

DUKE SOLINUS	Long since thy husband served me in my wars,
	And I to thee engaged a prince's word,
	When thou didst make him master of thy bed,
	To do him all the grace and good I could.
	Go, some of you, knock at the abbey-gate
	And bid the lady abbess come to me.
	I will determine this before I stir.

	[Enter a Servant]

Servant	O mistress, mistress, shift and save yourself!
	My master and his man are both broke loose,
	Beaten the maids a-row and bound the doctor
	Whose beard they have singed off with brands of fire;
	And ever, as it blazed, they threw on him
	Great pails of puddled mire to quench the hair:
	My master preaches patience to him and the while
	His man with scissors nicks him like a fool,
	And sure, unless you send some present help,
	Between them they will kill the conjurer.

ADRIANA	Peace, fool! thy master and his man are here,
	And that is false thou dost report to us.

Servant	Mistress, upon my life, I tell you true;
	I have not breathed almost since I did see it.
	He cries for you, and vows, if he can take you,
	To scorch your face and to disfigure you.

	[Cry within]

	Hark, hark! I hear him, mistress. fly, be gone!

DUKE SOLINUS	Come, stand by me; fear nothing. Guard with halberds!

ADRIANA	Ay me, it is my husband! Witness you,
	That he is borne about invisible:
	Even now we housed him in the abbey here;
	And now he's there, past thought of human reason.

	[Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus and DROMIO of Ephesus]

OF EPHESUS	Justice, most gracious duke, O, grant me justice!
	Even for the service that long since I did thee,
	When I bestrid thee in the wars and took
	Deep scars to save thy life; even for the blood
	That then I lost for thee, now grant me justice.

AEGEON	Unless the fear of death doth make me dote,
	I see my son Antipholus and Dromio.

OF EPHESUS	Justice, sweet prince, against that woman there!
	She whom thou gavest to me to be my wife,
	That hath abused and dishonour'd me
	Even in the strength and height of injury!
	Beyond imagination is the wrong
	That she this day hath shameless thrown on me.

DUKE SOLINUS	Discover how, and thou shalt find me just.

OF EPHESUS	This day, great duke, she shut the doors upon me,
	While she with harlots feasted in my house.

DUKE SOLINUS	A grievous fault! Say, woman, didst thou so?

ADRIANA	No, my good lord: myself, he and my sister
	To-day did dine together. So befall my soul
	As this is false he burdens me withal!

LUCIANA	Ne'er may I look on day, nor sleep on night,
	But she tells to your highness simple truth!

ANGELO	O perjured woman! They are both forsworn:
	In this the madman justly chargeth them.

OF EPHESUS	My liege, I am advised what I say,
	Neither disturbed with the effect of wine,
	Nor heady-rash, provoked with raging ire,
	Albeit my wrongs might make one wiser mad.
	This woman lock'd me out this day from dinner:
	That goldsmith there, were he not pack'd with her,
	Could witness it, for he was with me then;
	Who parted with me to go fetch a chain,
	Promising to bring it to the Porpentine,
	Where Balthazar and I did dine together.
	Our dinner done, and he not coming thither,
	I went to seek him: in the street I met him
	And in his company that gentleman.
	There did this perjured goldsmith swear me down
	That I this day of him received the chain,
	Which, God he knows, I saw not: for the which
	He did arrest me with an officer.
	I did obey, and sent my peasant home
	For certain ducats: he with none return'd
	Then fairly I bespoke the officer
	To go in person with me to my house.
	By the way we met
	My wife, her sister, and a rabble more
	Of vile confederates. Along with them
	They brought one Pinch, a hungry lean-faced villain,
	A mere anatomy, a mountebank,
	A threadbare juggler and a fortune-teller,
	A needy, hollow-eyed, sharp-looking wretch,
	A dead-looking man: this pernicious slave,
	Forsooth, took on him as a conjurer,
	And, gazing in mine eyes, feeling my pulse,
	And with no face, as 'twere, outfacing me,
	Cries out, I was possess'd. Then all together
	They fell upon me, bound me, bore me thence
	And in a dark and dankish vault at home
	There left me and my man, both bound together;
	Till, gnawing with my teeth my bonds in sunder,
	I gain'd my freedom, and immediately
	Ran hither to your grace; whom I beseech
	To give me ample satisfaction
	For these deep shames and great indignities.

ANGELO	My lord, in truth, thus far I witness with him,
	That he dined not at home, but was lock'd out.

DUKE SOLINUS	But had he such a chain of thee or no?

ANGELO	He had, my lord: and when he ran in here,
	These people saw the chain about his neck.

Second Merchant	Besides, I will be sworn these ears of mine
	Heard you confess you had the chain of him
	After you first forswore it on the mart:
	And thereupon I drew my sword on you;
	And then you fled into this abbey here,
	From whence, I think, you are come by miracle.

OF EPHESUS	I never came within these abbey-walls,
	Nor ever didst thou draw thy sword on me:
	I never saw the chain, so help me Heaven!
	And this is false you burden me withal.

DUKE SOLINUS	Why, what an intricate impeach is this!
	I think you all have drunk of Circe's cup.
	If here you housed him, here he would have been;
	If he were mad, he would not plead so coldly:
	You say he dined at home; the goldsmith here
	Denies that saying. Sirrah, what say you?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Sir, he dined with her there, at the Porpentine.

Courtezan	He did, and from my finger snatch'd that ring.

OF EPHESUS	'Tis true, my liege; this ring I had of her.

DUKE SOLINUS	Saw'st thou him enter at the abbey here?

Courtezan	As sure, my liege, as I do see your grace.

DUKE SOLINUS	Why, this is strange. Go call the abbess hither.
	I think you are all mated or stark mad.

	[Exit one to Abbess]

AEGEON	Most mighty duke, vouchsafe me speak a word:
	Haply I see a friend will save my life
	And pay the sum that may deliver me.

DUKE SOLINUS	Speak freely, Syracusian, what thou wilt.

AEGEON	Is not your name, sir, call'd Antipholus?
	And is not that your bondman, Dromio?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Within this hour I was his bondman sir,
	But he, I thank him, gnaw'd in two my cords:
	Now am I Dromio and his man unbound.

AEGEON	I am sure you both of you remember me.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Ourselves we do remember, sir, by you;
	For lately we were bound, as you are now
	You are not Pinch's patient, are you, sir?

AEGEON	Why look you strange on me? you know me well.

ANTIPHOLUS	I never saw you in my life till now.

AEGEON	O, grief hath changed me since you saw me last,
	And careful hours with time's deformed hand
	Have written strange defeatures in my face:
	But tell me yet, dost thou not know my voice?


AEGEON	Dromio, nor thou?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	                  No, trust me, sir, nor I.

AEGEON	I am sure thou dost.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Ay, sir, but I am sure I do not; and whatsoever a
	man denies, you are now bound to believe him.

AEGEON	Not know my voice! O time's extremity,
	Hast thou so crack'd and splitted my poor tongue
	In seven short years, that here my only son
	Knows not my feeble key of untuned cares?
	Though now this grained face of mine be hid
	In sap-consuming winter's drizzled snow,
	And all the conduits of my blood froze up,
	Yet hath my night of life some memory,
	My wasting lamps some fading glimmer left,
	My dull deaf ears a little use to hear:
	All these old witnesses--I cannot err--
	Tell me thou art my son Antipholus.

OF EPHESUS	I never saw my father in my life.

AEGEON	But seven years since, in Syracusa, boy,
	Thou know'st we parted: but perhaps, my son,
	Thou shamest to acknowledge me in misery.

OF EPHESUS	The duke and all that know me in the city
	Can witness with me that it is not so
	I ne'er saw Syracusa in my life.

DUKE SOLINUS	I tell thee, Syracusian, twenty years
	Have I been patron to Antipholus,
	During which time he ne'er saw Syracusa:
	I see thy age and dangers make thee dote.

	[Re-enter AEMILIA, with ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse and
	DROMIO of Syracuse]

AEMELIA	Most mighty duke, behold a man much wrong'd.

	[All gather to see them]

ADRIANA	I see two husbands, or mine eyes deceive me.

DUKE SOLINUS	One of these men is Genius to the other;
	And so of these. Which is the natural man,
	And which the spirit? who deciphers them?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	I, sir, am Dromio; command him away.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	I, sir, am Dromio; pray, let me stay.

OF SYRACUSE	AEgeon art thou not? or else his ghost?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	O, my old master! who hath bound him here?

AEMELIA	Whoever bound him, I will loose his bonds
	And gain a husband by his liberty.
	Speak, old AEgeon, if thou be'st the man
	That hadst a wife once call'd AEmilia
	That bore thee at a burden two fair sons:
	O, if thou be'st the same AEgeon, speak,
	And speak unto the same AEmilia!

AEGEON	If I dream not, thou art AEmilia:
	If thou art she, tell me where is that son
	That floated with thee on the fatal raft?

AEMELIA	By men of Epidamnum he and I
	And the twin Dromio all were taken up;
	But by and by rude fishermen of Corinth
	By force took Dromio and my son from them
	And me they left with those of Epidamnum.
	What then became of them I cannot tell
	I to this fortune that you see me in.

DUKE SOLINUS	Why, here begins his morning story right;
	These two Antipholuses, these two so like,
	And these two Dromios, one in semblance,--
	Besides her urging of her wreck at sea,--
	These are the parents to these children,
	Which accidentally are met together.
	Antipholus, thou camest from Corinth first?

OF SYRACUSE	No, sir, not I; I came from Syracuse.

DUKE SOLINUS	Stay, stand apart; I know not which is which.

OF EPHESUS	I came from Corinth, my most gracious lord,--


OF EPHESUS	Brought to this town by that most famous warrior,
	Duke Menaphon, your most renowned uncle.

ADRIANA	Which of you two did dine with me to-day?

OF SYRACUSE	I, gentle mistress.

ADRIANA	And are not you my husband?

OF EPHESUS	No; I say nay to that.

OF SYRACUSE	And so do I; yet did she call me so:
	And this fair gentlewoman, her sister here,
	Did call me brother.

	[To Luciana]

		What I told you then,
	I hope I shall have leisure to make good;
	If this be not a dream I see and hear.

ANGELO	That is the chain, sir, which you had of me.

OF SYRACUSE	I think it be, sir; I deny it not.

OF EPHESUS	And you, sir, for this chain arrested me.

ANGELO	I think I did, sir; I deny it not.

ADRIANA	I sent you money, sir, to be your bail,
	By Dromio; but I think he brought it not.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	No, none by me.

OF SYRACUSE	This purse of ducats I received from you,
	And Dromio, my man, did bring them me.
	I see we still did meet each other's man,
	And I was ta'en for him, and he for me,
	And thereupon these errors are arose.

OF EPHESUS	These ducats pawn I for my father here.

DUKE SOLINUS	It shall not need; thy father hath his life.

Courtezan	Sir, I must have that diamond from you.

OF EPHESUS	There, take it; and much thanks for my good cheer.

AEMELIA	Renowned duke, vouchsafe to take the pains
	To go with us into the abbey here
	And hear at large discoursed all our fortunes:
	And all that are assembled in this place,
	That by this sympathized one day's error
	Have suffer'd wrong, go keep us company,
	And we shall make full satisfaction.
	Thirty-three years have I but gone in travail
	Of you, my sons; and till this present hour
	My heavy burden ne'er delivered.
	The duke, my husband and my children both,
	And you the calendars of their nativity,
	Go to a gossips' feast and go with me;
	After so long grief, such festivity!

DUKE SOLINUS	With all my heart, I'll gossip at this feast.

	[Exeunt all but Antipholus of Syracuse, Antipholus
	of Ephesus, Dromio of Syracuse and Dromio of Ephesus]

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Master, shall I fetch your stuff from shipboard?

OF EPHESUS	Dromio, what stuff of mine hast thou embark'd?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Your goods that lay at host, sir, in the Centaur.

OF SYRACUSE	He speaks to me. I am your master, Dromio:
	Come, go with us; we'll look to that anon:
	Embrace thy brother there; rejoice with him.

	[Exeunt Antipholus of Syracuse and Antipholus of Ephesus]

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	There is a fat friend at your master's house,
	That kitchen'd me for you to-day at dinner:
	She now shall be my sister, not my wife.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Methinks you are my glass, and not my brother:
	I see by you I am a sweet-faced youth.
	Will you walk in to see their gossiping?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	Not I, sir; you are my elder.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	That's a question: how shall we try it?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE	We'll draw cuts for the senior: till then lead thou first.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS	Nay, then, thus:
	We came into the world like brother and brother;
	And now let's go hand in hand, not one before another.


Next: Coriolanus